Page 28 of The Swap After Hours

“There are many ways to figure out what it is you’re feeling,” I said quietly, taking a sip of wine.

“You mean like watching porn to see what turns me on?”

I slapped my napkin over my mouth as I began to cough around the drink, my eyes watering. It took me a moment to realize Trevor was laughing and I glared at him. “You think that was funny?”

He shrugged, unaffected by my ire. “I just wanted to lighten the mood a little. It was all starting to feel a bit too heavy.”

I eyed him warily. “At any rate, no, that wasn’t what I was talking about…although, I suppose some might find it a useful tool.”

He snickered. “I’ve watched my fair share. Granted, it was always straight porn since that’s what I thought I wanted, but I don’t remember ever looking at any of the guys and getting excited. And I’ve always been able to tell when a guy is attractive, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually been attracted to any of them.”

“If you’ve only ever been attracted to women then what makes you think you might not be straight?” I asked with a frown.

My interest peaked when his face suddenly bloomed a pretty shade of pink. “It was…um…watching you with that other man.”

I tilted my head, trying to understand. “You mean seeing it in person rather than on a screen?”

His cheeks deepened to a deep red and he refused to look directly at me. He whispered so quietly, I had to lean in to be sure I heard him correctly. “No. I mean, it was watching you. Specifically.”

I let out a sharp gasp before I could stop it, my scalp tingling and my pulse racing with his confession. He peeked at me from under lowered lashes and our gazes held, the moment stretching out between us, neither of us able to turn away.

“I didn’t even know it was you at first,” he explained. “We left after cleaning up the kitchen but then we realized we’d left our phones with Ms. Rathchild. I went back up to find her and that’s when I saw what kind of party it really was.”

I listened intently as he went on to describe the things he’d seen, some of which turned him on. “But then I went to the rooftop, and I saw a guy standing there, naked. His partner was still clothed which was hot as hell, and then I heard the voice—your voice—telling him to get on his knees.”

“And you liked that.” It was a statement more than a question because I could see by the glassy-eyed look on his face and the way he licked his lips that he’d liked it.

“Yes,” he whispered hoarsely, his eyes taking on a far-away look as he relived the memory. I remembered it too, but now, with the added component of knowing Trevor had been watching. And damn, if that didn’t have my cock leaking inside my underwear.

“I still didn’t know it was you because the other man was standing in front of you, but I knew I was more turned on in that moment than I’d ever been in my life. I watched him sink to his knees, saw his head bending down as he took you—your cock—into his mouth.”

His words sent a shiver racing down my spine, my skin prickling with awareness. I clenched my jaw, trying to tamp down my arousal, but it was extremely difficult with Trevor talking about some guy taking my cock in his mouth, like he wanted to try it for himself.

We leaned in towards one another as he continued, like two magnets, unable to resist the pull. “Finally, I let my eyes wander up your body. You were mostly dressed still, but from what I could see…I’ve never thought another man could be desirable. I’ve always liked women, the softness of their skin, how they smell and feel, but then I was staring at you, and you were all sharp edges and hard muscles, and I?—”

“What? Tell, me,” I demanded. He shuddered, the pulse point at the base of his throat thrumming rapidly beneath his tanned skin.

His voice was shaky as he answered. “I wished it was me. I wanted it to be me on my knees, touching you, tasting you, feeling the heat of your skin against my own.” He looked at me helplessly, imploring me with his eyes. “And then I looked up at the face of this mysterious man, and I saw who it was. I saw it was you, and…and…”

I slumped back in my seat, running my hands through my hair and blowing out a slow breath as my mind scrambled to come up with something—anything—to say. However, I kept coming up blank, what I wanted to say and what I should say, at odds with each other. Before I could think of anything, he continued.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to put you on the spot, and I certainly don’t want to make things awkward between us. It’s just all really confusing. How could I go my whole life believing something about myself and then in one night, it all changed?”

I gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m not sure I’m the right person to ask. I knew from a pretty early age that I liked boys instead of girls, so I never felt all that confused about my feelings.”

“Must be nice,” he said with a teasing smirk.

I chuckled then sobered. “It definitely helped. But look, if you want to figure things out, you need to explore a little. Maybe go to a LGBTQ friendly bar, talk to some guys, maybe dance with a few. See how you feel when you’re close to them. The important thing is that you’re careful. Don’t let anyone push you too far, too fast. And if you decide to take things further, make sure it’s with someone you trust and who knows what they’re doing, otherwise you could get hurt.”

He nodded his head solemnly. “Thank you, Mr. Marshall. I appreciate the advice and, you know, that you listened.”

“No problem. Oh, and one more piece of advice.”

“What’s that?”

“Maybe a sex party isn’t the best place to learn what it is you want. That’s kind of like throwing someone who can’t swim into shark infested waters.” The candlelight gleamed off his face as he laughed, and I could have sworn, it was the best sound I’d ever heard.

CHAPTER 11

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