Page 32 of The Swap Masquerade

“We met at a nice hotel, right here in the city. He seemed nervous at first and I assured him we didn’t have to do anything if he didn’t want to. And I meant it. I honestly would have been happy if all we’d done was talk. The only thing I cared about was getting to spend more time with him. But he said he was ready and he wanted to sleep with me. I won’t go into detail, but I will tell you it was the best night of my life. And not just the sex, although, that was great too. It was the way he looked at me, and the way he made me feel. It was different than anything I’d ever felt before. Better.” John gave Curtis a knowing look, like he understood exactly what I was talking about.

I looked down at my hands, unable to look them in the eyes for the next part. “Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night because I needed to pee. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, he’d rolled over which caused his mask to slip off. I found out the stranger behind the teal mask was no stranger at all. The two of us knew each other. In fact, we’d been spending a lot of time together lately.”

My friends both gasped and then John whispered, “Who was it?”

I let out a humorless laugh then picked up my bottle of beer. I’d only had a couple of sips before, but I quickly drank the rest down in one easy gulp. “Turns out he’s one of my students,” I said before I could chicken out.

“Shiiiit,” John said, drawing the word out. I waited for him to say more, but his brain seemed to be stuck on that one word. I looked at Curtis who had yet to say anything, but he didn’t seem to be dealing with the news any better than his husband. Welcome to my world, buddies. John shook his head, bringing himself out of his stupor. “You know you could get in trouble for this with the school, right? This is a major infraction of the rules.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” I responded drolly. “Look, he has no idea that I know who he is because I left before he woke up and haven’t spoken to him since. He never saw me without my mask, so he doesn’t know it was me and even if he did, I don’t think he’d say anything.”

“How can you be sure?”

I knew as soon as I said the words that it was true; Elliott wouldn’t tell anyone. “Because I know him, and I trust him. I know what type of guy he is. He’s a good person and even if he found out it was me somehow, he knows the situation. He knows I had no idea who he was any more than he knew it was me. Plus, he’s got his own reasons for wanting to keep quiet about this.”

I could see the doubt that still lingered in my friend’s eyes, but he didn’t know Elliott the way I did. “I know you’re worried because you don’t want to see me get in trouble, and trust me, neither do I. But I’ve had the chance to get to know him outside of the party scene and the classroom because we’ve been working together on a house for Habitat. He’s sweet and caring and a lot more mature than we were at his age. He plays baseball for the college and apparently, he’s super talented, but he doesn’t want to do that forever. In fact, he’s graduating this spring with a degree in architecture, like you, Curtis.”

My eyes settled on my other friend. He’d been quiet for a long time, which was extremely rare for him, and the thoughtful look on his face was starting to make me nervous. Whatever he was thinking, I wished he’d go ahead and spit it out. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long. “This kid’s really gotten to you, hasn’t he?”

“Elliott isn’t a kid, he’s twenty-two. He’s an adult,” I pointed out quickly. The last thing I needed was my friends thinking I’d slept with someone who was underage. “But to answer your question, yes. He has gotten to me. I really liked him and I think he liked me too. I know it’s wrong. It’s against the rules and I know I can’t see him anymore, but…”

“But you miss him,” Curtis added.

“Yeah. A lot.” I looked around the room again, at the nursery that would soon have a baby in it. “I’ve never told you guys this exactly, but I’ve always been a little jealous of the two of you. It’s not that I’m not happy for you that you fell in love and have this great life together. I’d never wish for any of that to be different because I love you both and you deserve to have everything you’ve ever wanted. I just wish I could have some of that too.”

As if on cue, they both moved over and sat on either side of me, each of them taking one of my hands in a silent show of support. I had no idea what I’d ever done to deserve two such incredible friends, but I counted my blessings every day that I had them in my life. I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wall. I suddenly felt completely drained. “I want someone to share my life with. I want to be able to look at that person and know exactly what they’re thinking and to be able to finish each other’s sentences the way you guys do. I want all of this, the house, kids, a family. I’m so fucking tired of being alone.”

The last part had come out as a whisper, but I knew they heard me. Curtis laid his head on my shoulder. “How long until graduation?”

“Five weeks.”

John squeezed my hand. “Okay. We can get through that together. And when it’s over, you’re going after Elliott and you’re going to make him yours. I don’t give a shit what the college has to say about it, either. You’ve poured everything you have into teaching and helping others, but it’s time you finally start doing some things for yourself for a change.”

I squeezed his hand back, comforted by the feeling of solidarity I’d gotten from my friends. John was right, maybe I still had a chance, if I only waited until Elliott graduated. But how in the world was I going to stay away from him for that long?

Chapter 13

ELLIOTT

I found an empty seat at the back of the room and nabbed it before anyone else could. Slumping down in the chair, I turned the volume up on my AirPods, hoping it would prevent me from having to make conversation with any of my classmates. Although, I was sure the scowl on my face was enough to scare anyone off.

My teammates had all seemed to pick up on my foul mood, but I’d taken my frustrations out on the other teams, managing to secure two more wins for us, which had helped ease whatever annoyance they might be feeling towards me. Still, I knew I was better off avoiding people as much as possible until I could work my way out of the slump I was in.

Of course, that was easier said than done. Adam had finally made me promise to quit texting Tyrion, stating that there was a fine line between trying to reach out to someone and coming across as desperate. He’d then gently pointed out that I may have already crossed that line. And he was right. I’d texted Tyrion five times but hadn’t received a response from any of them. At that point, I was basically stalking the man when he clearly wanted nothing else to do with me. I wished I knew why.

Could I really have judged him so wrong? Had I simply been another piece of ass to him? Doubt had begun to take over, especially as I laid awake each night, staring at the ceiling, and replaying every single second of our time together in my mind. But then I’d remember the way he’d looked at me, the sparkle in his eyes whenever he laughed, the patience and care he’d shown me the first time we had sex. And it wasn’t like he’d pushed me into it. He’d made it clear it was my decision if we did anything or not. It was my choice to go through with it that night, not his.

So, then what had gone wrong? What happened to scare him off? That was exactly how the last two weeks had been for me. An endless cycle of self-doubt and questions that continued to go unanswered. The result was very little sleep which was evidenced by the dark smudges underneath my eyes.

I wished I had a friend to talk to about everything. Someone I could trust and who could help me try and sort all of it out, but one of the guys Adam worked with was off on paternity leave so Adam had picked up some extra shifts to help cover for him. Between the added hours and keeping up with his classes, he’d barely had time to do more than wave to me on his way to bed each night. There was only one other person I felt comfortable enough to talk to, although, he didn’t know all of it. But he’d also been avoiding me for the past couple of weeks. Or at least it felt that way.

Gavin hadn’t shown up for work at Habitat the weekend before which made it the second week in a row. He never made eye contact in class and rarely called on me to answer a question. Once class was over, he’d race out the door like the hounds of hell themselves were chasing him. I couldn’t help but take it all personally. His behavior was extremely confusing. Especially, when it had seemed like everything was going so well the last time we talked. With Tyrion ignoring me, Gavin seemingly avoiding me, and Adam so busy, I’d been feeling lonelier than ever.

I tapped my finger against the top of the desk, keeping time with the song playing through my ears. Maybe it was my horrible mood talking to me, but I was tired of feeling like shit. If Gavin ignored me again during class, I was going to confront him. I would show up during his office hours and he’d have no choice but to talk to me. After all, he was required to be there in case a student had any questions, and boy, did I have questions.

My determination wavered however, the moment he walked through the door and I got a good look at him. His skin was paler than usual and there were bags under his eyes, which suggested maybe he hadn’t been sleeping well either. His hair was messy, as if he had recently been dragging his fingers through it, and there was scruff along his jawline from where he hadn’t bothered to shave. That was a surprise since I couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been clean-shaven. However, my biggest concerns were the absence of a smile on his face and the distant look in his eyes.

Around me, students started to whisper, probably noticing the changes themselves, but I was too caught up in my own racing thoughts. Something was definitely going on with the professor, but what? Was someone sick? Was he sick? Oh, God! Had someone died? Guilt coursed through my body. What if he’d lost someone he cared about, but he’d had to deal with it alone because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself?

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