Page 42 of The Swap Masquerade

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at the formal tone he was using. I knew he was talking the way a teacher would speak to a student in case anyone was listening, but it still made me want to laugh as I wondered what they’d all think if they knew that teacher had had his tongue buried in his student’s ass that morning. “Thank you. I’m glad you could…”

My words died off as someone walked up behind him. He looked over his shoulder and I could see the moment he realized he was staring at the face of my father. He turned back to me. “Well, I better get going. Congratulations, again.”

“Thank you.” I was too stunned to bother with introductions of any sort. Gavin gave me one last reassuring look and then walked away, leaving me with my father.

Dad looked tired, like he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in ages. For the very first time, I noticed the signs of his age. Small lines marked the skin around his eyes and gray peppered the hair along his temples. He was still in great shape. Had to be for his job. But his muscles didn’t seem quite as pronounced as they’d once been, and he’d grown a little softer in the middle.

Where once he’d seemed like a giant in my eyes, now I could see him as a man. An ordinary man with worries and stresses of his own. Most of which, I probably knew nothing about because he’d always just quietly taken care of things: the house, the bills, the three of us. His love may have been misguided at times, but I had no doubt how much my father loved his family. I only hoped that still included me. The fact that he was standing there, in front of me, was a good sign.

“You uh…you played well today. That um…pitch at the end was really something.”

“Thanks,” I murmured. I was sure he had more he wanted to say, but I had no idea what that was yet, so I decided to wait him out.

He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out then he leveled his gaze on me, meeting my eyes for the first time since he’d arrived. “I was hoping we could talk. If you have time that is. I know you probably want to go celebrate with your friends, so if you’d rather wai—”

“Dad.” I said his name for the third time in a row before he finally stopped his rambling. “I have time for you.”

His lips pursed as he seemed to struggle with whatever emotions he was feeling. I glanced around. Most of the stands had cleared out at that point, but there were still a few people lingering about. “Here, come this way.” He walked along the other side of the fence to where a gate was. I opened it for him then led him over to the dugout. It was a mess of empty water jugs, gum wrappers, and extra bats and balls. The field crew would come in and clean everything up eventually but for now, we had the place to ourselves.

Dad twisted his hands together and I wondered if he was nervous about talking to me. The thought made me sad. In fact, I hated it. I hated the awkward tension that existed between the two of us. Most of all, I hated feeling like my father and I had become strangers to one another. Silence stretched between us as we looked out over the baseball diamond.

Finally, he spoke, his voice sounding especially quiet after all the earlier commotion. “Did I ever tell you about the night you were born?” I turned my head, surprised that his thoughts were on that instead of everything else. Of course, I’d heard the story, but never from him and besides, I got the feeling the question had been rhetorical, so I kept my mouth shut, listening.

“I’d just gotten back from a fire when your mom called the station to say she was in labor. Apparently, it was the third time she’d called, but like I said, we’d been out on a run. Stubborn woman refused to call a cab to get her to the hospital. Said she wanted to wait for me.” He chuckled at the memory and a small smile lifted the corners of my mouth.

“When I told the rest of the guys what was happening, they insisted on going with me to pick her up from the house. We got there in record time, but she was already too far along in her labor. I’d never felt so helpless or been more terrified as I was when I realized we weren’t going to make it to the hospital in time. As a fireman, I’d been trained to help in various types of emergencies, but all my training flew right out the window that day because I wasn’t just helping some woman deliver a baby at home. This was your mom, she was carrying my baby, and the two of you were my entire world. I remember thinking that if I fucked up, if anything happened to you guys, I would want to die too. I’d have no reason to go on.” My eyes burned at the fierce protectiveness in his words. I’d never heard my dad speak with so much emotion.

“Thankfully, my brothers jumped into action, helping to deliver you safely. When you came out, you were such a tiny thing, so fragile and vulnerable, and I held my breath for what seemed like years until you finally let out an angry wail. It was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. We rushed you and your mom to the hospital in the firetruck, sirens and lights going the entire way to get there faster. Once you’d both been checked out and declared healthy by the doctor, your mom fell asleep. I sat in the room and stared down at you as I held you in my arms. I couldn’t believe I’d had a part in creating something so incredible and I vowed to always protect you and love you, to always put your needs before my own. But I guess I failed you, didn’t I?”

“No, Dad—”

He held a hand up to stop me and I shut my mouth, giving him the chance to finish. When he turned to look at me, I saw so much guilt and regret in his eyes that it made me want to cry. “I did fail you and that’s the truth because I failed to put your needs above my own. I thought I was. I thought by paying for private lessons and sending you off to baseball camps in the summer, I was giving you what you wanted, but I never should have assumed. I didn’t ask you what you wanted, and for that, I’m so, so sorry. But there was one thing I didn’t fail at, and that was loving you. It doesn’t make a difference to me what you do with your life or who you love; you’re my son and I will always love you no matter what. I’m just so sorry I ever made you doubt that. That you felt you couldn’t come to me.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks, but I didn’t bother to brush them away. “Dad, that wasn’t all on you. I’m just as much to blame. I could have been honest. I could have told you how I felt.”

“But you were right. I did get carried away. Hearing your coaches brag on you and seeing the way you played, it got to me. I started picturing you playing professional someday. I pictured you with money and fame, and all the things I thought would make you happy, but I see now, that it wouldn’t have because to have that life, you would have had to continue lying about who you were. And I don’t want that for you. It breaks my heart that you’ve even had to hide for as long as you have. All I want is for you to be happy. You and your brother.” He ran his hands over his face. “Jesus, I’ve been such a fool. I’ve wasted so much time with both of my boys. I’ll never get that back.”

“No,” I said quietly. “But we can start from this point and move forward, if you want to. Maybe actually get to know each other this time.”

“I’d like that very much.” The look he gave me held so much love and gratitude and I knew in that moment, Dad and I were going to be okay.

Chapter 18

GAVIN

My arms rested next to Elliott’s on the console, our fingers intertwined as I drove with my left hand. His thumb brushed over the back of my hand absentmindedly as he stared out the window at the passing scenery. It had been a crazy couple of weeks and the two of us were grateful to have a few moments to ourselves.

The final week of the semester had been a whirlwind of activity, especially for Elliott, with projects to finish, papers to hand in, and exams to take. He’d made it through with flying colors and ended up graduating with honors the weekend before. No one thought anything about me being there to watch since most of the staff attended the commencement ceremony each year, however I’d had to be careful not to let my feelings for him show on my face when they said his name and he walked across the stage.

Elliott’s family had been in the audience and I’d watched their expressions as he received his diploma. The love they felt for their son and brother was obvious and I was glad they were working things out between them. It was nice to see his dad working to rebuild his relationship with his son. He and his dad had spoken on the phone nearly every day since that last game and were making plans to go camping for a week that summer, along with his little brother, Trey. His father had been trying with his younger son too, Elliott informed me, visiting museums with Trey and buying tickets for them to attend Comic-Con.

After graduation, he and I had met back at my place so he could rest before meeting his parents for dinner to celebrate. He’d invited me to go along, but I told him I thought it was probably best to let things settle before he introduced them to his boyfriend. He’d smiled so big at the term boyfriend that the two of us had ended up making out on my couch like a couple of teenagers. He was almost late meeting his parents at the restaurant, but he hadn’t seemed to mind.

Then the past week, he and the rest of the team had been off competing in the championships where they’d played rather impressively before being beaten out in the fourth game. I’d spent our time apart, catching up on my own end-of-the-year responsibilities, including grading the students’ volunteer projects. As I read over their papers, I’d been thrilled to see most of them had taken the project very seriously and had gotten a lot out of the experience. The feedback from the organizations had been extremely positive, with each of them expressing the hope that we could continue doing that type of project in the future.

When I’d spoken with Dean Kirkland about the results, she was pleased, but informed me I simply wouldn’t have time to head such a project again since she was adding yet another class to my roster for the fall. When she suggested I find someone else to take over the project, I knew I had some serious decisions to make.

I felt Elliott tense as we neared Indianapolis. “What if they don’t like me?” I knew that’s what he’d been thinking because we’d already had the exact same conversation at least four times over the last day and a half, ever since Curtis and John had invited the two of us out to dinner. Each time I had assured him that they would love him, but he still wasn’t convinced.

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