Page 35 of New Hope

Chapter Twelve

FORD

Sunlight poured through the window, its warm rays landing on my face. I kept my eyes closed, hoping to recapture sleep. I’d been having the most pleasant dream. In it, River and I had taken the girls out on a boat. They were both laughing as they pointed down to the water. Dolphins raced in front of the boat, jumping into the air in great arcs before diving back under the waves. River stood by my side, smiling, the wind tousling his hair, his eyes the same color as the sea. He was achingly beautiful. I leaned in and kissed him, happier than I’d ever been in my entire life.

I blinked my eyes open, my heart thudding in my chest as I remembered another kiss with him, the one from the previous night. That kiss, my first kiss with a man, had been incredible. The fact that it had been with River made it better than anything I’d ever imagined, better than any other kiss that had come before.

Thinking back, I couldn’t recall ever feeling that way about Connie. Of course, I’d loved her. She’d been my wife and for a while we’d been truly happy. But had I ever felt like my soul was on fire when I’d kissed her? Had the touch of our lips ever made me feel like she was both killing me and healing me at the same time? I didn’t think so. But that was exactly what kissing River had been like.

But what had it been like for him? I hadn’t exactly stuck around to find out. I knew he’d been surprised, but had my kiss been unwanted? What if he was angry? Disgusted? What if he was at home that very second, trying to figure out a way to tell me we couldn’t be friends anymore? The thought of losing him, of no longer having him in my life, made me feel as if someone had shoved a hot poker through my heart.

I kicked the covers off and sat up, tossing my legs over the side of the bed. I rubbed my hands over my face and sighed. I wasn’t typically a spontaneous guy. In fact, Connie used to complain that I overthought things too much. “You need to learn to live a little,” she used to say. That was hard to do though when you were the sole provider and caregiver to a child. Ellie was counting on me, and I refused to be another person in her life that let her down.

But last night had been different. I’d known Ellie was somewhere safe, so I’d been able to loosen up and have fun. The alcohol had helped a lot, but I’d known exactly what I was doing when I’d leaned in and kissed River. Maybe it had been reckless, but it also felt like the smartest decision of my life. I just hoped I hadn’t wrecked my relationship with him in doing so.

“Guess I’ll find out soon enough,” I murmured, checking the alarm clock on the table beside the bed. River would be there soon with the girls.

I took a quick shower and brushed my teeth, then pulled on a pair of gray sweats and one of my old NYPD t-shirts. It was old and faded, but I loved the way it fit. I was heading to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee when I heard a knock on the door. I ran over and unlocked it, expecting to see three faces, but instead, I only saw one.

“Hey! I, uh, brought breakfast.” River held up a grocery bag as if he needed proof. He chewed the inside of his lip as his eyes made a quick trek over my entire body, but they refused to meet my own. “Do you mind if I use your kitchen?”

“Um, sure. Make yourself at home.” I held the door open wide and stepped back.

River slid past me, heading straight for the kitchen. He kept up a steady stream of conversation as he rummaged through my cabinets, grabbing out a skillet and a cutting board and preheating the oven. Although, I wasn’t sure what was happening could be classified as a conversation since I hadn’t said a word. I wasn’t able to. He was rambling like Hannah, only on caffeine.

I squinted at the front door, as if I still expected the girls to come wandering in but of course, they didn’t. I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest as he set to work chopping peppers and onions, and slicing mushrooms. “I thought about stopping and getting some donuts from the bakery, but then I thought a little bacon might work better. Along with some eggs and toast. Something to soak all that alcohol up and put you on the mend. I read a study once where—”

“Hang on a second,” I interrupted. “Did I miss something? Why do you think I need mending? And where are the girls? I thought you were picking them up this morning.”

River laughed, but it was a nervous kind of laugh. “Oh, I guess I should have started with that. Sorry. The girls are fine. I talked to Mom. They’d already had breakfast and were getting ready to head out to the barn to take care of the animals. I guess Ellie really wanted to meet Eunice.”

I scratched the back of my neck, even more confused. “Who’s Eunice?”

“My parents’ zonkey,” he said simply as if that explained everything.

“What the hell is a zonkey, and do I want my daughter anywhere near it?”

River’s laugh was more genuine that time. “A zonkey is a cross between a zebra and a donkey. My parents have had Eunice for about eight years. She’s extremely tame and perfectly safe around kids. Ellie will be fine. But anyway, Mom said they were having a great time and asked if they could stay a little longer. I figured you’d be fine with that since it would give you more time to feel better before Ellie sees you. I told her I’d swing by around one o’clock to get them.”

I tilted my head at him with a frown. “I know you’re a doctor and all, but why do you keep acting like I’m sick? I feel fine.”

River ducked down and pulled a baking sheet from the drawer under the stove. “Because of last night. You know, all the drinks you had. I figured you probably woke with a nasty hangover.”

My eyebrows reached for the sky. “You think I was drunk?”

He shrugged. He still hadn’t looked at me. “Well, all things considered…yeah.”

I stared hard at his profile. Things were finally starting to make sense and I wasn’t sure I liked the conclusion he’d drawn. “What do you mean, all things considered?” I asked tightly.

River was silent as he finished laying slices of bacon out on the baking sheet and washed his hands. He dried them on a towel then turned around at the sink. It was the first time he’d actually looked at me since he’d arrived. He let out another nervous laugh and his body language told me he was ready to dart out the door at a second’s notice.

“I figured you might not remember, what with all the drinks you had, but yeah, well, funny story. We had a great time but apparently, you were pretty far gone because you started kind of flirting…with me. I drove you home, but when we got here, you…”

“I what?” I needed to hear him say it.

“You kissed me,” he whispered.

I nodded my head slowly. “And you think I had too much to drink.”

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