Page 27 of New Hope

“I wasn’t trying to snoop or anything, but the name came across the screen while I was holding it,” Ben explained.

“Aaaand?” I asked, still not quite getting it.

Mike eyed me carefully. “And, we know it’s River you were texting. We know he’s the one that got you to smile again. I also know he’s been out of town the last couple of days which may explain your broody attitude.”

My pulse made a loud whooshing sound in my ears as I finally caught on. “Oh, wait. You think…? No. You’ve got it all wrong. River and I are just friends. We’re both single dads and we enjoy spending time together, but that’s—”

“It’s honestly none of our business,” Mike assured me. “You can date or not date whoever you want. Man, woman, or even one of each if that’s what you want; it doesn’t matter to us. You’re our friend and we still respect the hell out of you.”

“He’s right. We don’t care. You’re a good guy and we like working with you,” Ben added.

I opened my mouth, another argument on the tip of my tongue, but something stopped me, the words drying up in my throat. I stood there quietly as Mike patted me on the shoulder. They said their goodbyes, then slipped out the door. I stared after them, our conversation running on a loop inside my brain. My friends thought I liked River as more than a friend, but that was just crazy. Isn’t it?

I decided to look at the situation objectively, as if it was a case I was working. I went through the facts in my head as I moved around the house, switching off lights and making sure the doors were locked.

One, I liked spending time with River. Two, we had a good time together no matter what we were doing. Three, I’d missed him while he was gone, and I’d been happy when he texted. Four, I couldn’t wait for him to get back. Five, I trusted him more than anyone else in the world. I shook my head as I walked in my room and shut the door.

“That doesn’t mean anything. I’m sure if I asked a hundred people, they’d all say the same thing. It’s called having a friend,” I muttered to myself. Yeah, but are they attracted to their friends? Do they sneak glances at them every chance they get? Have they wondered what it would be like to kiss their friends? To touch them?

“Fuck!” On shaky legs, I made it over to the foot of the bed and sank down. My body felt like it belonged to someone else as I tried to make sense of what I was feeling. Was it possible that I liked River? Truly liked him? It wouldn’t be the first time, the voice inside my head reminded me.

I sifted through my memories, long before Ellie was born, before Connie and I had even met. My sophomore year of high school. Brad Thornton. Shaggy brown hair and deep-set eyes that seemed to smile before his mouth had time to catch up. He’d had the most perfect set of dimples along the base of his spine that used to tease me whenever he walked around the locker room in only a towel. I’d stared at those dimples all year, but never said a word.

Then there’d been Eddie Tyson, one of the smartest kids in our senior class. We’d been paired up as lab partners in biology, but all I could focus on was the way his gray eyes looked behind his sexy, dark-rimmed glasses or the way he’d chewed on his full bottom lip when he was concentrating on something.

Sure, I’d found them attractive, but I’d also thought the head cheerleader and the homecoming queen were attractive. I’d dated several girls in college and by the time I met Connie and fell in love, I’d chalked my interest in guys up to being nothing more than a passing curiosity, not something I’d ever act on. Life moved on, Connie and I got married, and I never even looked at another woman, much less another man.

The memory of my attraction to guys had been pushed so far back in my mind I hadn’t even remembered it. Until I saw River on the side of the road, leaning against the hood of his car, and looking absolutely gorgeous in his fancy doctor clothes.

I’d tried to push my thoughts aside, to bury them like I’d done before, but my attraction to River refused to go away. It was much stronger than it had been to the other guys. Perhaps because River meant so much more to me. Maybe because who River was inside was even more spectacular than what could be seen on the outside, making me attracted to every part of him.

And then there was the fact that I’d been burned. Badly. When Connie and I divorced, I’d sworn I would never go through that again. I’d never have another relationship. I’d never trust my heart to anyone else. But then I met River and slowly, he began to chip his way through my cold outer shell. He’d been sweet and thoughtful, not only with my daughter, but with me too. He listened to me, really listened. And he cared what I had to say. He treated me like I was important to him and without realizing it, I’d begun to trust him.

I fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. River was a terrific friend but if I was being honest with myself, I knew there was more there than simple friendship. At least on my end. How much more? Well, that was the part I needed to figure out.

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