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Igrabbed the bottle of body wash from the shelf and squeezed some into my open palm. The crisp, clean scent of the soap and the warm water streaming over my body helped to clear the remaining cobwebs from my mind. I hadn’t slept well at all. Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured the horrific things Zane had told me.

Listening to the heartbreaking story of his past had nearly destroyed me. I’d never known my father, but I’d had a mother who was loving and kind and who devoted her entire life to making sure I never did without. I couldn’t imagine her ever raising a hand to me in anger or me being afraid of her. But Zane and his brother had felt that way nearly every day of their lives.

I couldn’t imagine the pain he’d endured, both physically and psychologically. The fact that he was still such a kind and gentle man after suffering so much cruelty was nothing short of a miracle. He was a one of a kind man though. I didn’t know many eighteen-year-olds who would be willing to sacrifice themselves to save their brother.

I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh as I thought of the other reason I’d lain awake most of the night. With everything he’d told me, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was the Zane I’d been looking for. I’d loved working alongside him every day, talking with him and getting to know him. It hurt to know that I was going to have to give that all up, but as much as I wanted to, I could no longer hide from the truth.

Micah was counting on me to take Zane back to Chicago, but as much as I loved and respected my boss, my loyalties had changed since I’d arrived at the lake. I no longer cared about following orders. My first priority and my only concern was Zane’s well-being. I still hoped to take Zane back to Chicago, but my reasons for it had changed. Before, I was going to take him there simply because Micah had asked me to. Now, I would be taking him there so he could face whatever demons from his past had come searching for him. But he wouldn’t be facing them alone. Whatever Micah’s reasons for wanting Zane brought back, I would be standing by his side.

That was, if he let me. It was going to be difficult to tell him the truth. I was sure he’d feel betrayed when he discovered why I was really there, but I would do my best to convince him that he wasn’t alone any more. I needed to tell him I loved him and that if he’d have me, he’d never have to be alone again.

I had just turned the shower off when the sound of a door slamming caught my attention. I grabbed a towel from the rack as I climbed out of the shower and wrapped it around my waist, not bothering to dry off. I stepped out of the bathroom and peered down the hallway into the living room.

The clothes that had been lying on the floor were gone and I could hear the gentle whirring of the washing machine. The sound I’d heard must’ve been Zane starting the laundry, I thought. Smiling at his thoughtfulness, I walked to the bedroom. I think my man deserves a reward. I pulled the towel free from my waist and began drying my face and chest as I walked into the room.

“Thank you for starting the wash, baby, but you didn’t have to do…” My voice trailed off and my jaw dropped as I saw the file I had on Zane and all of its contents spilled across the floor.

It felt like an icy finger was trailing its way down the length of my spine and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or throw up. I spun around, hoping Zane would still be there, that he’d give me a chance to explain, but the room was empty, and a feeling of dread filled me.

My heart was racing as I rushed to throw on some clothes. I choked back tears at the thought of him somewhere all alone, feeling hurt and betrayed. I’d caused all of this, and it was time I made it right. I knew he probably hated me and never wanted to see me again, but I had to get him to listen. I had to explain.

I raced out the front door and straight to his cabin, praying the whole way that he was still there and that he hadn’t disappeared again. At that point, I didn’t give a rat’s ass about the assignment I was on. I couldn’t lose the man I loved.

I slowed down as I got nearer to his cabin and nearly doubled over with relief when I saw his truck in the driveway. I gulped in a deep breath and held it for several seconds before blowing the air back out through pursed lips. Once my breathing had leveled out a bit, I climbed the steps.

His door was locked so I went to knock instead, but my fist froze halfway there as I heard the muffled sound of Zane crying through the door. A burning sensation spread throughout my chest and I opened my hand, laying my open palm on the door instead. My forehead fell forward, landing against the door. Tears streamed down my face as the sounds of his cries continued, echoing throughout my heart. The man I loved was in pain. So much pain had already been inflicted on him throughout his life, but that time, it was all my fault.

“Zane? Baby, please open the door. Please, give me the chance to explain,” I begged.

“Just go away,” came his shaky reply.

“No. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I can’t leave you when you’re hurting,” I insisted.

“I wouldn’t be hurting if it wasn’t for you! I trusted you!” he shouted.

His words delivered a direct hit like a flaming arrow and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I turned around and slid my back down the door. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, as if by folding my body tightly enough, I could keep my heart from shattering.

“Oh, God, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I repeated over and over.

I cried for several minutes; deep, heart-wrenching sobs. He was absolutely right. I was the reason for his pain. I should go back to my cabin, pack my things and leave. I should lie to Micah and tell him that I’d had the wrong man and that Zane had never been found.

An image popped into my head. It was the memory of my first morning there, when I’d seen Zane floating in the water, his face tilted up and his eyes closed. He’d looked so serene, so peaceful. I knew now how few chances he’d had in his life to feel at peace. And then I’d barged in and destroyed that for him. Shame weighed down on me and I bent my head under its pressure.

Still, I couldn’t make myself walk away. I knew that what Zane and I had between us was real and I refused to believe otherwise. Brushing away the wetness from my cheeks, I stood up and tried again.

“Zane, please, let me in. Let me talk to you. I know you probably have a million questions and you feel betrayed and that’s my fault. That’s all on me, but please, give me the chance to explain,” I pleaded. It was quiet for several seconds and I held my breath as I waited. Finally, he spoke.

“I do have a lot of questions, but the one I want answered the most is, was it all a lie? Everything that happened between us. Was it all just some twisted part of whatever game you’re playing?” I could hear the pain in his voice and it nearly brought me to my knees.

“No, baby. None of that was a lie. Please, believe me. The way I feel about you, my desire to get close to you, that was all real. It had nothing to do with your past or why I’m here.” I caught myself. No, I needed to be fully honest with him if I wanted any kind of chance at him believing me.

“Okay, so maybe at first it did. I needed to get to know you, so I could try and figure out who you were. But that only lasted as long as that first day. Once I started talking with you, as I got to know you and saw the way you treated the people and the animals around here. When I heard you laugh the first time and debated with you over politics and religion. The times when it felt like there was no one else in the entire world except you and me, that was all real.

“It stopped being about who you were before, and it became about who you are now. The man whose blue eyes sparkle when he laughs. The man who hates scary movies but can walk through the woods all alone at night without batting an eye. It became about the man who steals my breath away every time he smiles and who I can’t imagine not holding in my arms ever again.” I stopped as that thought burned through me. I held my fist in front of my mouth as I fought to hold back a scream.

I sucked in a gasp as I heard the lock click and the door slowly slid open. Zane stood on the other side of it, a wary look in his eyes. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed from crying. A trail of tears still rested on his cheeks and his hair was messy, like he’d been running his hands through it.

I stepped towards him, my hand outstretched, but he stepped away from me and turned his back. My arm dropped down and my hand fisted at my side. He had every reason to refuse my touch, to not trust me, but it was the most difficult thing I’d ever had to do to stand there and watch him suffering without being allowed to comfort him. I’d have given anything to be able to pull him into my arms and show him exactly how real my feelings for him were. I had to give him time though. I was just grateful that he’d opened the door.

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