Page 60 of Clean Point

She swallowed nervously. ‘I wasn’t sure you’d want to keep playing together.’

I moved her arm closer before running the material over and under her injury, keeping it tight, but not enough to cut off circulation. ‘You know I do like you, right?’

She let out a single laugh, rolling her eyes playfully, ‘I couldn’t tell.’

We stayed like that for a moment, her bandaged palm in mine, her blue eyes meeting my grey, lost in the small contact. She lifted her arm, inspecting the wrap as she stretched her fingers out. She still winced with pain, but the reassurance that the wound was at least well-kept for the evening soothed my worry somewhat, as if somebody had tried to smooth a crumpled piece of paper. Better, but not as it was before.

‘I mean, to start off with, you were annoying.’ I smiled, thinking back to those early days where I was just as bad as she had been. Two arrogant players, unwilling to work with someone else. My own ego had been too inflated to admit I needed her.

‘Dare I remind you about the plane?’ she asked.

I let out a snort of laughter, tilting my head slightly. ‘Dare I remind you about the plane?’ She shrugged her shoulders innocently, her expression clear. I let it go, knowing she was toying with me. There had been moments where we both weren’t our best selves. ‘We’ve been on this journey together. Before you, I wasn’t sure I’d really make it this far. My knee, the pain made it too hard to keep going. I kept pushing myself harder. Wondering why I wasn’t getting any better? But I think Jon knew I needed somebody to distract me, to push me in a different direction.’

‘Or just somebody who would push the right buttons.’ She smiled playfully. I realized for a moment how right she was. She had pushed all the buttons, like a Vegas slot machine, and somehow I’d been the one who won the jackpot.

‘Exactly. We started off fighting each other, but really, you lit the drive in me to keep going,’ I admitted, leaning forward on my stool, the gap between us closing. Those early days, they were rough. We were on opposite sides of every argument. Everything was made as difficult as possible just to annoy the other. But there was something in that, a drive I’d lost in the months living through the physical rehab. It was back.

‘I didn’t think I had this much fight left in me before you.’ The words left me without thought, unsure if she would understand what I was truly trying to say. How much I’d admitted.

‘I’m not sure what that says about our relationship.’

The moment stilled, her words hanging in the air. Did she really not know how I felt? Was it not obvious enough? Somehow, that overwhelmed the dam I had built that was holding back the flood of every too-big emotion I’d had for her. Every truth I’d tucked away.

‘Let me make it clear in case it wasn’t before. No matter what happens in the next few weeks, I’ve only made it this far because of you.’

She leaned back, waving a hand as her nose crinkled in apprehension. ‘You would’ve been fine without me.’

I pushed up from my stool, unable to sit still anymore. My legs, despite their previous pain, ached to stretch and work out the frustration that had built up. I inhaled sharply, looking right at her, and with another burst of courage, I started again.

‘You helped me train harder. Taught me to take a break and eat a burger, and run through Lindos in the pouring rain, to hell with the rules. You saw when I was in pain and helped. Even when I pushed you away.’

Her pink lips pressed into a thin line, her eyebrows creasing together, and I took the opportunity to keep going until she believed what I was saying. Until she understood what I meant.

‘I don’t care if something goes wrong next week. If we lose the first match then, it will suck but I’ll get over it.’ I almost closed my eyes to escape the piercing blue of hers, but I knew that even if I did, their colour would haunt me in my memory. ‘I only care that you’re okay and safe. It hurt to see you driving yourself to this, especially if it’s because you’re afraid for me. That … that broke my goddamn heart, Scottie.’

‘Nico …’ The gentleness her tone held as she said my name almost brought me to my knees, a warning to stop, but my words wouldn’t stop spilling out. I’d reached the limit of what I could reasonably smother down and save for a more convenient day. It might’ve been fine before, but she’d hurt herself for me. I wouldn’t be another person Scottie Sinclair ruined herself for, not when all I wanted was the opposite. When she meant so much.

‘You’re all I think about all day,’ I confessed, as her face fell blank, her pink lips parting. ‘You. I wonder how I could make you smile, how I could show you that you’re worth more than you give yourself credit for, how I could keep you safe. How do I show you how special you are? How your strength is the thing I’m most proud of you for, the thing that leaves me in most awe of you?’ I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, nerves getting the best of me. ‘Then, after everything else, right at the bottom of the list, I think about tennis. You have managed to plant yourself before everything else in my life, and I didn’t even realize you were doing it.’

Her gaze was fixed on mine, a completely unreadable expression spread across her features. As seconds passed like hours, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a huge mistake, baring my soul like this. But I had to make her understand how much she meant to me.

How I couldn’t watch her destroy herself.

‘Nico … I …’ she stuttered, her eyes searching my face, ‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘Say you feel it, too.’ I cracked wide open, every part of me exposed and vulnerable. ‘Tell me you think about me, too.’

‘All the time,’ she admitted. ‘Nobody has ever …’ she trailed off, and I couldn’t help but reach out to comfort her. My palm slid along her neck, tracing the line of her jaw. Her eyes closed as she melted into my touch, accepting it. I tilted her head up, her eyes opening to reveal a hungry blue that too easily consumed me whole. Never had I ever felt like this.

‘Tell me, Scottie,’ I begged, my voice breaking. ‘Tell me.’

‘I thought we agreed on no distractions,’ she murmured, a sly smile on her lips. She was toying with me, but I was already too close to my limit.

‘I feel pretty distracted, don’t you?’ I’d been so dumb to say that earlier, but it had been a last-ditch attempt to stop a runaway train that travelled far away from me. A last act of desperation, but instead it had done the opposite, propelling me toward her.

‘I’ve always thought focus was entirely overrated.’ She breathed. ‘Restraint, too.’

‘Scottie.’ Her name was a sin. Touching her was too close to heaven, and I was all too sure of the hell it would bring my life to go without her any longer.

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