Page 36 of Clean Point

‘You almost had her,’ he added. I took another sip, still attempting to drown the memory. I was about to beat her in straight sets when I fell, injuring my leg. She saw the weakness, exploited it, and won. That was the injury that snowballed into—

‘Who were you playing again?’

I blinked, trying to pull myself back. ‘Dylan.’

‘Seems you two don’t get on very well.’

‘Oh, you couldn’t be more wrong. We have sleepovers every night, plaiting each other’s hair while we gossip about boys.’

‘I would pay to see that.’

‘She’d probably chop my hair off in my sleep.’

‘At least I’d be guaranteed to get my money’s worth.’

The moment lulled as we turned back to the TV, watching the cute men in tiny shorts kick a ball around a field for fun. Half of the bar cheered when the striker scored while the others grumbled about the goalie before taking a long sip of their drinks.

I started to eye the food menu, and turned to the only section I was interested in: burgers, flame-grilled and served with crispy onions, a fresh slice of tomato, and a brioche bun.

‘Hungry?’ Nico asked before finishing his beer.

I lowered the menu, smiling evilly at him. ‘When in Rome,’ I said, returning my attention to the limited burger section. It was a choice between one cheesy patty or two. The waiter returned, and ignoring a rather disapproving glare from Nico, I ordered us two more beers and a burger for myself.

‘Do you want anything to eat?’ I asked him.

‘No, I’m fine,’ he said, smiling. The waiter was about to leave when I caught him, deciding to test Nico and see how far I could push him.

‘And two shots of Fireball, please.’ The waiter nodded before disappearing.

‘You’re trying to get us into trouble.’

‘What’s wrong with a little trouble, Nico?’ I waved away his concerns. ‘It’s just some shots.’

‘And a burger and two beers. You could’ve had Elena make you a burger back at home.’

I squished my face. ‘It would’ve been made of beans or mushrooms. No, thank you. I’ve had enough diet burgers for one lifetime.’

‘I feel like I’ve been on a training diet my entire life.’ His face straightened, wiped of the previous joy. ‘My previous coach had me on a plant-based diet. No meat, nothing that came out of an animal, nothing that could’ve been near anything that once had a face. I can understand it if you’re against animal cruelty, but my own mother didn’t know what to feed me when I visited. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what I could and couldn’t eat.’ He leaned forward, a serious look on his face. He said the words in a whisper, as if he was revealing the nuclear codes. ‘Did you know Oreos are vegan?’

I laughed, not sure what I was expecting to hear.

‘And don’t get me started on what that type of diet does to your stomach,’ he added.

I clutched my middle, all the while hating how much I could relate. When I collected myself, I shared my own memory. ‘One time, my trainers decided I had put on too much weight over break and put me on a week long liquid diet cleanse. I think I passed out twice during practice.’

He blinked at me, his mouth parted as if he was processing what I’d told him. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

‘That’s not normal,’ he said. ‘Don’t think that’s normal.’

I shook my head, finishing my beer in one mouthful. ‘I don’t anymore. Extensive therapy helped with that. A lot of the shit that happened wasn’t normal.’

I almost told him what Matteo had done, the secret buried just beneath my skin. The one that cost me everything but let me escape. Led me to Mum. Took me halfway up a Greek mountain and to this tiny, packed sports bar.

‘You know, after everything went down with Wimbledon.’ The word was almost strangled in my throat, but I continued. ‘The first normal meal I had was a burger. It was in an airport. You know how they always have a Burger King in an airport, but it’s always the worst Burger King you could ever eat? Well, I ordered a double Royale with cheese, like in that movie. And they asked me if I wanted fries …’ I trailed off, seeing the image in my brain. I could still smell that Burger King, could still see the cashier’s face perfectly. ‘And there was nobody to stop me. So, I did. I had the burger and the fries. And then for a drink, I had regular Pepsi. Not diet, not that zero crap they market to men. The one with all the sugar. And an ice cream. Then I sat in a corner, and I ate every single bite. I felt sick after the burger because, like I said, airport Burger Kings are the worst. But I ate it all.’

He looked at me for a moment, trying to read me. There was a moment where I became concerned he might have missed the point I was trying to make telling that story. That despite what they had done to me, to my body, to that young girl who was trying to impress her fucking father, I had still escaped and gained control of myself, once and for all.

With or without this competition, all this training, I would still retain that control of my body. Nobody would ever take it away from me. No one could control me ever again.

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