Page 47 of Level Up

See? He picked up on everything. There was no hiding from him and no need to, either.

Not fully, at least.

“I got in a fight with my dad,” I said. “Over some stupid bullshit. He never flips on me like that, but today was different.” This was a safe space. I knew I could trust both of them. I was just scared of ruining what I had with Jay, so I decided to swerve around the full truth. They didn’t need to know exactly why we fought or why it was the furthest thing from “stupid bullshit” imaginable.

“I’m sorry.” Jay put a hand on my knee. I stopped the shaking. Something about his touch was so damn comforting. It was like a superpower. I should tell him that at some point. Sometimes I felt like he didn’t realize how much power he had. Even though Jay loved being in the spotlight, there was something that was being held back.

I wanted to cut those binds. I wanted to see him soar.

“It’s okay. I’m just not really used to it. My dad and I never really argue. So it feels, I dunno, weird. Messed up?”

“I get it,” Maddy said. “I had a few years where I was really rebelling, and my dad and I would butt heads constantly. It sucked, it really did. But things got better. They always do. Especially between you and your parents.”

“I hope so…” I wanted to come out and say what the fight was about, but one look in Jay’s direction, and my lips were sealed shut again. He’d be so hurt if he found out.

…When he finds out.

“Are you and your mom close?” Jay asked.

“We are.” I nodded. “I think I’ve always been a little closer to my dad growing up, but my mom was my best friend too. They’re both great. It’s what makes this shit so hard.” I rubbed my forehead. There was so much tension built up inside me, coiled up and ready to snap. I really needed a massage.

Or a night with Jay.

Fuck. That would be nice. I couldn’t wait to get back to our dorm. I had a feeling I’d be forgetting about every single worry I had.

Jay swirled his glass of wine. “Can your mom maybe talk to him?” He looked so pensive, his legs curled under him and one hand on the blanket. His hair was growing long, a swoosh of it falling down across his forehead. God, he was so sexy. And he was all mine.

I reached over and put a hand on his leg. I didn’t need to be touching the ground to feel “grounded.” I already had Jay.

“You mean like a buffer?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Jay said.

I smiled. “I think my mom would definitely be on my side,” I said before taking a deep breath. “But this goes a little deeper. I don’t know. It’ll need another conversation with him, fooor sure.”

“I’m sorry. That shit sucks,” Jay said. He squeezed my hand.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Things will work themselves out.”

I hope.

“Why don’t we go out tonight?” Jay said, his pitch rising, hands clapping his knee. “Let’s let loose. Let’s go to Passions. It’s a little bit of a drive, but it’ll get us out.”

Maddy winced, hand to her chest. “I can’t tonight. I’ve got a date… but you two go! Please. Go and have a kiki.”

Jay looked at me with a pair of puppy eyes that made me instantly hard. “Would you be down?”

“Fuck yeah,” I said, not waiting for a single beat. “But, uh, what’s a kiki?”

Maddy giggled. “It’s gay slang for a party.”

“Oh, okay, duh. Yeah, it’ll be fun. A kiki.”

It was Jay’s turn to laugh. “It sounds like you’re practicing new vocab in Duolingo.”

“I kind of am,” I admitted, joining the laughter.

Maddy raised her glass. “Just don’t feed the drag queens after midnight or get them wet. They’ll end up multiplying into dick-hungry monsters.”

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