Page 25 of Level Up

“Felt like I was falling.”

Same.

“Thanks for helping me get these lines down. I didn’t realize you were such a thespian.”

“No, I’m gay.”

“Ha. Ha,” he said dryly before the mask fell, and he started to crack up at my dad joke.

“Have you always wanted to be in plays?” I asked when the laughter died down. Jay interested me in so many different ways. He was a puzzle I wanted to piece together until the entire rainbowscape of his soul was on display for me. And I could tell he wasn’t as guarded right now.

“Yeah, I was a theater geek from the second I popped out the womb. I probably came out doing jazz hands and singing a show tune.”

I laughed, watched as he grabbed his phone from out of his black shorts. They were high up his thighs, showing off those miles of legs. He got up from his chair and came over to my bed. “Here, look at me in fourth grade.” He sat down next to me, the cheap mattress sinking so that we were sort of pushed together.

Damn. Even the furniture wanted us to fuck.

The image he pulled up was a photo of another photo, showing him as a starry-eyed ten-year old standing at the center of the stage with the spotlight beaming down on him. He had his arms open and the biggest smile on his face, wearing a Peter Pan costume, the fake sword comically too big for his tiny frame.

I loved it. “You were eating up all that applause, weren’t you?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

He showed me some more photos, all apparently from the same album. All showed the same happy little kid who grew up into the happy guy sitting next to me.

Then he scrolled over to one photo that made his entire demeanor shift. It was him standing next to his father. They had the same exact face.

Jay took a deep breath. “This is one of the last photos I have with him.”

He looked down at his feet, firmly planted on the floor. It was as if an invisible anvil had been placed on his shoulders, the weight nearly too heavy to bear. I wished I could reach over and pluck it off him. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not right now,” he said with a simple shake of his head. “Let’s go back to your photos. I want to see what extravagant family vacations you’re going on as you destroy the environment in the process.”

“Jay…”

He laughed and waved a hand in the air. “I’m joking. Kinda.” Instead of his hand returning to his lap, it landed on my leg instead. And it didn’t move. I looked to him, seeing a familiar spark in his expressive eyes. I could count the few freckles and beauty marks that dotted the landscape of his face, like tiny accents specifically added only to enhance his natural beauty. I could stare at him all day and still find new things to appreciate.

“Want to tell me about him?” I broached.

“I… he was a great dad. He was that kind of dad that’s always a safe space and a fun time all at once.”

“How so?”

Jay glanced at me. “Sometimes he’d sneak me into the local marine animal rehab center after hours, and he’d give me a private tour that felt so fucking magical. I remember the first time that happened really solidifying my love for animals. It was just… awesome.”

“It does sound like something out of a movie.”

“It really was. This movie just had a really fucked up ending.”

Jay took in a deep breath and let it out. He shifted the conversation, which was totally cool with me. I wanted him to know that he had a safe space in me if he ever needed to talk.

“Soooo,” he said. “Did you catch up on the newest Liars episode?”

“I did. I can’t believe Wendell went home. She was my favorite. She always had something perfect and bitchy to say.”

“Yeah but she accused the wrong person. She didn’t play the game.”

I shook my head. “I think she played it perfectly. How would you play it?”

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