Page 23 of Level Up

“I remember that dealership,” Ryan said. He rested his forearms against the table, and I couldn’t help but notice how fucking sexy they were. I was big on hands and arms, so the fact that his forearms twitched with muscle nearly had me start drooling. He wore a light blue shirt with the short sleeves rolled up so that showed off even more of those juicy biceps of his. “We would pretend we were in the Fast and Furious movie all the damn time. It’s wild how good our imaginations were as ten-year-olds.”

“Seriously,” Colton said. “It would feel like we were racing over mountains and shit, but those cars never moved an inch.”

“Fun times.”

“Major,” Colton said.

“How long have you guys been friends?” I asked.

“Pfft, since I can even remember,” Ryan answered. “I think we were in the same preschool together. Been pretty much inseparable ever since. Colton’s been through it all with me.”

“And you’ve been through it with me, man.”

Hmm. How did Ryan continue to keep on surprising me? I was the kind of guy who floated around and added more and more friends to my orbit like little electrons circling a neutron. I had a few people I considered best friends back in New York, and Maddy had quickly taken that title here in San Luco, but I didn’t really have any lifelong best friends the way Ryan and Colton were. That took a lot of work and effort to maintain, and it was refreshing to see.

“Colton’s the first person I came out to,” Ryan said.

Colton puffed out his chest proudly. “We were, what, in sophomore year of high school? It was after football practice. You thought you were dying, so you told me because you didn’t want to go without people not knowing.”

I chuckled at that, picturing a sweaty and panting young Ryan coming out on the football field.

Ryan’s smile was wide, his eyes lit up with the memory. “And you told me that it didn’t matter, that you loved me and that I wasn’t dying; I was being a little bitch.” He shrugged. “And you were right.”

“Always am.”

The conversation continued on, bouncing from topic to topic, the night flying by. When Ryan had first invited me to come out, I really considered staying in the dorm instead. Not because I didn’t want to be around Ryan but because I found myself wanting to be around him all. The. Fucking. Time. And that could quickly become a problem if I didn’t keep it in check.

So yeah, I was so close to staying in with some dumb movies, some good porn, and an entertaining book all keeping me company while everyone got blasted at Shenanigans.

It was Maddy who convinced me to go, and damn was I happy she did, because this night was really turning out to be one of the best I’ve had in a long time.

At some point, one of Ryan’s rowing buddies came back to the table and pulled Colton away, mentioning something about an interested sorority girl. I noticed Maddy’s shoulders drop a bit, but they quickly picked back up again when an upbeat pop song started playing through the speakers.

“Oh, I love this song!” she said, swaying from side to side on her stool. “You know, random fun fact and since it’s the theme of the night, but it was the song playing on the car radio when I came out as trans to my parents.”

Ryan perked up. “That’s awesome. It’s a great song to have as a theme song to an awesome moment… wait, shit, sorry for assuming anything. How did it go?”

“Don’t even worry about it. It was great, thankfully. Both my parents are liberal doctors from the North East. Mom’s a cardiologist, Dad’s a pediatrician. It’s almost expected they were going to have a kid who was part of the Rainbow Mafia.”

I laughed at that. Maddy and I had already talked about her journey to accepting herself, but I was happy to see Ryan as understanding and interested in her story as I was.

“When was that?” he asked.

“I was seventeen. Started hormones the day I turned eighteen and haven’t looked back since. I feel happier than ever.”

“That’s so fucking amazing.” He raised his cup. “Cheers to that.”

We tapped our plastic cups together.

“Thanks, dolls,” she said. “I’m saving up for my FFS next, so if you want to support, my Cash App is… joking, joking.”

Ryan and I both laughed, but I could already see the question forming on Ryan’s lips before he asked it: “What’s FFS?”

“Facial feminization surgery,” Maddy explained. “Not that it’s by any means necessary or needed for me to be my authentic self. I just have some body dysmorphia things I have to unpack and feel like FFS would help with that. I want to see me when I look in a mirror for once, you know? A beautiful, confident, accomplished woman.”

Ryan nodded and leaned in. I hadn’t heard Maddy talk about FFS yet, so it felt good to have her opening up the way she was. It was also a good sign that she appeared to be trusting Ryan with this. Maybe I needed to take a page out of her book.

“Well,” Ryan said, placing a hand on hers atop the table. “If it means anything from this slightly drunk himbo jock you just met at a bar: I think you’re already a beautiful and confident woman, and I’m sure you’re accomplished too. Don’t let anything—mirror or person or yourself—tell you otherwise. Ever.”

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