Page 16 of Level Up

He shot me a look. “You’re right, I should be sleeping miles away.”

“I was thinking more like right next to me, but I guess we can work that out later.”

He rolled his eyes, but I could see the flash of a smile, like a light in the night. Reassuring. Good, we were on the right track. “I’m sorry. I really am. I wish I had some more solid shit to point to, but let me tell you that I fully don’t approve of what my dad’s company does.”

“Then make a public statement.” It was a short sentence, but damn did it leave a long-lasting effect. Like the tip of a paddle had been dropped in a quiet lake, ripples traveling outward.

“I can’t do that,” I said, moving my hand off his leg. “I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t much to ask, and at the same time, it was absolutely fucking everything. “I don’t like what my dad does,” I explained, not wanting to leave this conversation on such a shitty note. “But I do still love him. We have a good relationship, and a lot of my shit, my baggage, it comes from wanting his approval. Trust, it took me a couple years of therapy to come to realize that. It’s something I’m working on, but I can’t make that kind of statement. It would ruin him.”

He let out a deep breath. He was no longer red but also no longer smiling. Damn.

“I get it,” Jay finally said. “I need to get to rehearsals,” he suddenly said, getting to his feet. It was clear this conversation was over, no matter how badly I wanted it to keep going. I felt like I still had more to prove to Jay. I didn’t want him thinking I was some money-hungry asshole ready to burn down the Amazon. It felt like I was making progress on that front too.

Thankfully.

I stood up, meeting his gaze, seeing a flicker of warmth spark up again. “I’m going to prove to you that I’m not some evil villain. You’ll see.”

Jay paused at the door. He had a hand on the handle when he looked over his shoulder. “I already know you’re not a villain, Ry. Just prove to me you’re not a prince either.”

“I will,” I said. “I’m not my father.”

“We’ll see.”

Chapter Seven

Jay

The library was pretty packed today.

It was a beautiful, airy building with plenty of cozy spots to sit and study. There were computers you could use, along with a catalog of books that ranged from common and necessary stuff to books that were so rare you couldn’t check them out of the library even if you wanted to. It was one of my favorite places on campus. I enjoyed the silence, enjoyed the calm of it all. It was a nice contrast to the chaos that usually swirled around in my head.

And there’d been a ton of chaos lately.

It had been a week since I finally explained to Ryan why I felt the way I did about him. I didn’t know where my ask about making a personal statement came from, but even a week later, I still couldn’t really believe I asked him to do that.

Of course he’d say no. I was completely interjecting myself in his and his dad’s relationship. That was pretty fucked up, no matter how I viewed his father.

I wanted to apologize, but the words “I’m sorry” never made it out of my mouth.

Although… if he had said yes. Then what? I chewed on the cap of my pen and looked out the window. I sat in a comfortable nook on the second floor, so I had a really nice view of the palm-tree-lined campus. I made sure to choose a window that didn’t look out to the ocean, though, which happened to be on the other side of the building.

If Ryan had said yes, then I could see my walls come tumbling down for him. It was wild and really damn weird how strongly I was being drawn to him. No matter how hard I wanted to resist, I still kept sneaking glances across the dorm, wondering what the sometimes goofy, most-times-friendly gamer-jock was thinking. Probably thinking about playing video games. Or playing with butts.

I wondered, often, if he was thinking about playing with mine. Damn hormones. They were the only explanation as to why the hell I was horny for this guy twenty-four seven.

Well, that and because Ryan was incredibly hot. Like, one of the hottest guys I’d ever seen kind of hot. He had a permanently boyish charm with a mature demeanor that shone through on occasion.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and focused back on my laptop screen. All the letters and numbers on my screen appeared to be freely floating around. I blinked and rubbed my eyes. The numbers and letters were still moving like little ants around my laptop.

I clicked out of the study guide and opened the web browser instead. I did my usual rounds through social media, clicking “like” on family photos and restaurant outings, wasting time reading some insane comments that turned political real quick, checked up on some of the news organizations I followed, and then opened up a brand-new tab.

I’d been meaning to research this ever since Everly brought it up in class.

I typed into the search bar: “San Luco Off-shore Drilling site”

And, sure enough, news articles from only a few days ago began appearing. This was literally just proposed, the rig being set to be built miles off the coast of Beacon’s Beach. It was so new there was no wonder why it hadn’t even pinged my radar yet. It also meant there was still time to stop it. Unfortunately, California wasn’t one of the states that banned these kinds of operations. New York was, so I had set my focus on other environmental causes when I was over there. But things were different now. And no matter how badly the ocean scared me, I still had to fight for it as hard as I fought for clean air and protected land.

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