Page 34 of Trusting His Heart

The thought shocked him but the more he tried to suppress it, the more it invaded his thoughts and heart. Geoffrey Swains, the great Professor Swains needed Rebecca Garran.

As Dr Davis called him to the office, Geoffrey continued to fight his internal conflict. With Bec by his side, perhaps he could face anything.

Bec knew how hard Geoffrey wanted to push her away and if she didn’t see the glimmer of love in his eyes when he first saw her, she would have let him. The pain from being a widow was too fresh to walk into another fight either naively or without knowing the man was worth it.

Sitting in the car park, she saw him arrive and watched as he strode from the car to the surgery, stopping at the door. Up until then, she thought all of Layla’s concerns were without merit. When she saw him struggle whether to go inside or not, she understood everything. Why he pushed her away, why he locked himself away from the world for the last month.

All her own hurt and humiliation at the way he broke her heart was irrelevant. At the very least, she wanted to be the friend he would need and challenge him to meet the fight head on.

Bec stroked his hand as they listened to the doctor, all the words becoming a blur. She would research prostate cancer and the treatments later, now she need to be supportive for Geoffrey. She watched his face, looking for a reaction and finding none. He was stoic, emotionless, only the slightest tremor of his hand gave her a hint of his mind.

“Geoffrey, it is not as bad as it might seem, talk to this wonderful woman here and come back to me with any questions. My secretary will make the appointments with the radiation oncologist and social worker. No arguing – you know it takes a team to beat this disease.”

“Dragon,” Bec heard Geoffrey mutter.

“What?” asked Dr Davis.

“Doc, you should know my wife fought cancer for five years before she died. We called it ‘the dragon’ because no matter how hard we fought, the cancer kept coming back stronger and with more fire.”

“Dragon, I like it. Well, medicine has come a long way in dragon slaying and I am confident we are up for the challenge.”

“Thank you, doctor, we’ll be in touch,” Bec shook his hand before Geoffrey opened the door for her and they left. She followed him to his car, “We are going for coffee, no arguments.”

Geoffrey drove them to a quiet suburban coffee shop, away from his home, her home, or the university. Bec smiled at the choice of neutral ground – a good place to start again.

“So, what did you hear?” she started after the waitress left them with their coffees.

“Cancer, prostate. The hormone treatments aren’t an option and he thinks we caught it in the early stages of advancement.” He took a sip, “You don’t need to be here. We broke up, and I can deal with this on my own.”

“Geoffrey, you don’t have a choice – you will be dealing with this on your own. Every night when you have the sweats, when the pain comes, when the fear is overwhelming – you will be on your own. The most I can be is a sounding board and a friend. Someone you can turn to when you need a second pair of ears at an appointment, someone who will remind you to take a deep breath and not to do something stupid like opening another bottle to drown in self pity.”

“Whatever,” he said, dismissing her with his hand.

For the first time, Bec felt anger brewing. She gave the advice she wished she had been able to tell her husband. He refused to let her watch him get sick from the treatment, and at the time she wasn’t strong enough to stand by him. This time, no matter what Geoffrey did, she would not be pushed aside. She would put her own feelings for the man aside and focus on being the friend he needed.

Geoffrey was tired – of hiding from the fight, of hiding his feelings for himself and for Bec. He wanted to live and to fight and win – then he wanted to come back and claim the woman who as sitting at this table with him. He needed her by his side, her strength and grace. He wanted her in his life because he loved her. At the end of the day, it was as simple and as complicated as that – he loved her.

“So, what is this Brachytherapy he is wanting me to try? Let’s see what the world of online gurus has to say,” he searched a number of sites on his phone. “Okay, it’s radiotherapy treatment which explain the referral to a radiation oncologist and implants radioactive material into or near the tumor.”

“I don’t understand, what does that even mean?” Bec’s look of concern broke his heart. All his resolve from before faded. His feelings for her were irrelevant - she deserved to be out sailing or playing tennis, not here worried about him.

“Nothing major, it is a first line of attack for this type of cancer, they are looking at using an aggressive approach. It will be fine,” he tried to reassure her with false confidence.

“Great, what about hormone treatment? I thought they used that as the first approach.”

“You missed a lot in the last month. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. They didn’t work for me. Onward to radiation.” Geoffrey tried to hide his fear behind forced smile and sarcasm.

“Okay, now tell me the side effects!” her laugh was forced.

“The good news is this place makes the best blueberry muffins and apparently the nutrients in blueberries can cure cancer!”

“Wow! Magical blueberry muffins. You should have told me when we were ordering. I would have ordered some to eat here and some to take home.”

“Home?” Bec misunderstood their coffee and conversation – for her sake he needed to fight this alone. “Nothing has changed between us.”

“Geoffrey, you are a bloody fool - why are you doing this? Let me fight with you – let’s fight this together,” her beautiful eyes welled with tears.

“I’m sorry, this is causing you too many problems already. I thought Derek wanted you to be travelling this month – why are you here with me? You should be in a board room somewhere not sitting here with me ordering a muffin.” Geoffrey placed cash on the table and got up.

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