I stuck my tongue out at him and my stomach lurched when he gave me a look. It didn’t seem like I’d be getting the fun kind of punishment if I kept pushing his buttons.
Fine. I would finish my coffee and then start looking because there wasn’t much I could do until I got a look at the physical servers and their firewalls.
With Cas here, I could probably go look at the servers at the security company but the way he made sure to always have his body between me and the front door was a silent command.
Finish this game before I make you.
As much as I wanted to see what it would look like when he made me, I didn’t think it was a good idea. I would definitely regret it and it wasn’t like I didn’t know I was procrastinating.
Because I was fucking terrified.
I’d used every excuse I could think of to put it off, just so I didn’t have to deal with whatever was going to happen when I finally found it but then Cas had come up here and destroyed every single reason I had for delaying that moment.
Except for one.
I really did not like extreme change.
Every time the world beneath my feet shifted, it felt like I was drowning in chaos. All my previous routines were thrown into question and I had to test every single one of them all over again, keeping what I could and discarding others.
Finding what would work with the new world I’d been shoved into was never easy and it always stressed me the fuck out.
But this thing with Liam was even worse. It wasn’t just the panic of what my life would look like when I became bonded to two alphas, one of them being a legacy, but it was also the fear of the unknown.
What the fuck kind of connection did Liam think we had outside this case? I had no idea if it was something I could handle and the second I found his clue, I wouldn’t have a choice anymore.
The ground would crumble beneath me and I’d be forced to try to build a new foundation from the rubble.
I’ve done it before, so I could do it again, but what worried me was the time it would take to get my shit together again.
How much would it affect me and this case?
It didn’t matter though, did it? I had to know what it was. I had to know what Liam considered valuable enough to take as a memento…what he might consider precious.
Then I would know exactly where we stood.
Draining the rest of my coffee, I ignored the way it burned my tongue and carefully set the cup down on the coffee table.
At least Cas was here. I wouldn’t have to pick up the pieces by myself.
I shoved up the sleeves of my shirt to the elbow and quietly picked my way through my apartment to my bedroom. It had to be in here. Nowhere else made sense.
Yanking open my door, I stared at my room and tried to look at it as if I’ve never seen it before.
The twinkling lights were on like they always were and they made the large space feel smaller – cozier.
I stepped inside and quietly locked the door behind me. I had no idea why I did it, but it seemed like a good idea.
My armoire didn’t have anything missing, and neither did my nightstand. I’d given my vanity a cursory look, but hadn’t dug through my closet, or the trunk at the foot of my canopy bed.
There was nothing in the trunk other than blankets, pillows, and various plushies, but I decided to start there just to rule it out.
Lifting the top of the trunk made the smell of sandalwood rise up and it reminded me of Liam. I sighed and yanked out all the pillows and plushies. I really did miss him. So much more than I thought I would too.
It wasn’t the same as when I’d ached for them during my heat, but something that was almost worse. I wanted them in the same building as me, if not the same room. I wanted to be able to go get a hug at any time and know I could touch them without having to worry about what it meant.
I ached to have them in my life, but I didn’t just want them to court me. I wanted them to bond me.
Dumping the blankets on the floor, I stared at the bottom of my trunk, seeing nothing just as I thought I would. Not that him taking one of my blankets or plushies would tell me anything, but still.