Page 28 of To Tame An Angel

This was too intimate, too close. Sex was one thing; this was something else. This was feelings. Love cannot exist between us or even anything remotely resembling love.

“Forgive me if worrying about my death is not allowed,” his words were acidic.

Standing from the bed, I cast him a look. We’re both naked, but all sexual need was sapped from me.

“I told you I would take care of you.” Anger rose within me.

Tannor laughed, a sardonic laugh, and it felt like we were strangers once more, in a room packed with unsaid things.

“You live in dreams,” he said. “The rest of us live in hell.”

I studied his anger. It was so deeply ingrained that it occupied all the small gaps between the cells of his body. He couldn’t extract it, even if he wished, even if he fully gave himself to me.

“Look at me,” my voice was tight, controlled, but magic was simmering like electrical wires through my veins.

He rose from the bed, all naked and solid, a wall of flesh, looking down at me. We stared at one another, breathing sharply. There are so many words mangled in my mouth that I don’t know where to begin. I wished to tell him that I wasn’t his task master, unless he asked for one. I wasn’t his enslaver, unless he wished to be enslaved. I wouldn’t be his lover, unless he desired it. But I desperately wanted him to want all that and more.

I was flooded with the realization that I didn’t know how to communicate these things. There was much tutelage on how to tame him, but not on how to make him mine. And anyone who is tamed without belonging is nothing more than someone awaiting their moment for freedom.

A knock startled us, and I almost cursed at the constant intrusions. Yesterday, mother and now who?

“Nalla?”

Valle’s voice surprised me. My sister never visited me, not once. The family must certainly be far more worried than they’re letting on.

“I’m coming!”

Tannor sneered at the door, but I grasped his arm.

“Bathe. Have breakfast. I’ll be back,” I said quickly.

He yanked his hand from my grasp, and I’m more hurt than angry. Tannor saw this and flinched. He took a deep breath and slowly nodded.

“If you don’t want this, then you need to at least pretend. If I discard you, if I claim I don’t want you–” A sharp pain speared my chest, and I felt like crying. Defeated.

“They’ll kill me. I’m aware of the consequences, Nalla. You weren’t the only one who was schooled,” he said tightly. “Struggle the first three to four nights, they said. Then give in and secure your place in her home. Because if you cannot manage that, death will await. Those were the words used.”

I don’t myself to respond. So, that’s the crux. They give in because they wish to live. They pretend to enjoy it. If I were in his shoes, I would likely do the same. This is all a moot point. None of it is genuine. None of it is real. He played his part, and I played mine. We’re nothing but pawns, the slick oil to keep the societal wheels turning.

He was right. I lived in dreams.

Tannor watched as I walked to my dressing room and slid a flowing dress over my body. His eyes stayed on me as I haphazardly knot my hair. And he remained focused on me as I slipped into my sandals.

“We’re clear, Tannor,” I snapped, annoyed at his gaze. “You don’t need to stare anymore. You can close your eyes.”

When I looked up, he was unmoved. Those deep blue eyes were stark against his tanned skin. “Shall I await my execution, then?”

I sighed deeply and walked to the door. “Give me credit. I’m a dreamer, remember? I wouldn’t want you dead. Even if we’re strangers, I would ensure you’re safe. Even if you don’t wish it of me. Because despite your words, you still belong to me. It’s my body against the sharp knives waiting for you out there. The least you can do is stop staring at me when I’ve asked you to.”

With a sharp yank, I opened the door and strode out. My heart was beating erratically, and I was angry Valle was here because I couldn’t take a moment to soothe the deep pain birthing under my breast. It felt bolder when mother came; because I’d thought it would be me and Tannor, a little team, against the world. But I was on my own attempting to save the life of a man who vitriolically hated me. A man who pretended.

Valle was in the gardens, and she turned to me with a pleasant smile. She looked stunning. She was the loveliest of us, with thick long curls and bright green eyes made brighter by her pregnancy. I was surprised to find she’s with Rynn and my spirit suddenly soared. My little sister turned to me with a wide smile and a squeal of delight. She was in my arms in two steps, and I slacked at the relief of being with someone who wished to have me.

Rynn is the only one not born of our father. Her hair was long and blond, and her eyes were a golden hue. She was my precious one, for she was born when I was old enough to hold her small hand and teach her things.

“Can I see him?” Rynn turned hopeful eyes on me. “I’ve never seen an untamed one before.”

Thinking of Tannor and his words dispersed my momentary happiness. “No. He’s resting.” Lies. “I may have worn him out last night.” More lies. It was me who passed out on top of him.

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