Page 38 of I’d Never Date my Best Friend…Again

Evie turns to me as soon as she closes the door with wide eyes and a pointed look.

“What?”

“Nothing, I guess.” She shrugs and takes her seat across from me. “She’s a nice girl. I like her.”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat, trying to find a reason to leave. If I stay here, Evie will start asking questions that I’m not ready to answer. Even worse, she will start poking holes in the stories I tell her. My sister is way too good at seeing the truth and bringing it to light.

“You two were so cute as a couple. I never understood why you broke up. You never told me what happened.”

“We just broke up,” I shrug. Images of Penny and I as a couple come rushing back. Us spending time with my family playing board games and having dinner. She was the one person I felt knew me better than anyone, my other half. I never told anyone the details of what happened between us, which isn’t like me, and now I wonder why I kept it to myself.

“Why?” Evie leans forward. “We all thought you two would be married before either Sean or I. What happened?”

“I didn’t break up with her,” I say. “She was the one who decided to end things.”

“Why? Did you cheat on her?”

“Evie! Do you really think so low of me? I would never cheat on Penny.” I shake my head, and the sadness of that time squeezes my heart. “Because I joined the Army.”

“Huh?” Evie frowns. “She didn’t like that? Oh wait, wasn’t her dad in the military when he–”

“Yes. I knew she wouldn’t like it,” I hear myself blabber. “But I never thought she would hate it so much that she’d end things. I was mistaken. Instead, she gave me a choice. Stay with her or leave and never speak to her again. I had hoped that with time, she would give me grace and change her mind, but she didn’t.”

“So you left?”

“I left.”

Evie’s mouth forms an O as she stares at me wordlessly for a moment. “Do you regret it?”

“Everyday.” I blow out a big breath. “I appreciate everything I learned from my experience in the military, but losing Penny wasn't worth it. If I had known that Penny would keep her promise and cut me off, I’m not sure I would’ve joined.”

Evie’s eyes turn sad, and I look away from her. Sadness is a constant companion and one I’ve been trying to distance myself from. It’s hard seeing it in others, especially when it’s directed at me.

“I'm sure it broke her, too,” Evie says, and I shrug.

“Penny explained that she didn’t want to lose me like she lost her father, but I dismissed her concerns. I thought I was honoring her father and maybe, in a way, helping her to heal from that loss. But she definitely did not see it that way.”

“I understand it better now,” Evie says softly.

I shrug. “But that’s in the past. It’s time to move on.”

“Is moving on without her part of your future plans?” Evie asks. Her question forces me to imagine the prospect of life without Penny. The heaviness that weighs on me at the thought of not having her in my life or her being married to someone else is unbearable. The answer to that question is a hard no, but I’m not ready to let myself want that yet.

“Evie, please don’t ask me questions like that. You know I’m still finding my way back to me. It’s not a decision I feel ready to make right now.”

“I think you think you’re more damaged than you are, Liam,” she insists. “I believe that you and Penny can make this work. People would give up so much to have what the two of you had. Have.”

“No.” I shake my head firmly. “Don’t do that, Evie. We were young when we were together. That was years ago. Both of us have changed. And I’m not so sure that I’ve changed for the better.”

“But what if the changes aren’t as big as you think? What if you are both still in love with each other?” Evie pushes. “From the look in your eyes, I can tell your feelings for her haven’t changed. You’re still in love with Penny. She’s still in love with you. You can work this out.”

“Evie, please.” I plead. I know that the two of us are still in love with each other. That’s not the problem. I’m the problem. I yearn to spend my life with Penny, see her walking down the aisle to me, watching her with our kids. I sigh.

“Evie, I am a broken man.”

“Liam…”

“Evie, I know you love me, and I know you want the best for me. But please know that I’m trying to take each day as it comes. I’m not fully whole yet.”

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