Page 20 of Filthy Liar

Gavin matches my laugh. “Eccentric works for her.” He takes another swig of his beer. “If she was thirty years younger I’d shoot my shot with her.”

“And she would chew you up and spit you out into a quivering pile of regret.” Gavin and I are about as different as it gets in our approach to relationships. While I’m a serial monogamist who’s always in search of the kind of love my parents shared before my father’s untimely death, Gavin does everything in his power to avoid attachment. I’m sure there’s a story there, but I’ve yet to hear it.

He shoots me a wide grin. “But I bet it would be worth it.” Gavin pushes up, his large frame dwarfing my sofa as he downs the last of his beer. “I gotta go. Got a team meeting.” He tosses the empty bottle in the bin on his way to the door. “Want me to bring some takeout over later?”

I give him a nod, and reply, “Thanks, mate.” When he’s gone I sit in silence, staring out at the ocean through the long line of windows that sold me on the place the second I walked in.

Fuck my life.

I pick up my phone for the hundredth time today and scroll through the text stream from two nights ago.

The first one always trips me up.

You looked really hawt tonight.

Hawt still strikes me as odd. Even more so now that I know Valerie better. It doesn’t seem like something autocorrect would come up with, and sounds even less like a word Valerie would use. But I can imagine each message after that said in her velvet voice. And I have.

More times than I can count. I shouldn’t have left her the way I did yesterday. I might not be a liar, but I sure made myself look like a coward.

As much as I hate what happened with Jessica’s friend, it was probably for the best. It forced me to do something I never would have done on my own.

Leave Valerie Berdard be.

But I did it in such a shitty way. No explanation. No goodbye.

I owe her more.

I flip through the screens on my phone and pull up my contacts, calling one of the most frequently used numbers. Arny picks up on the second ring.

“Fynn Hadaway. You’re early this week.” He pauses and I can almost hear his brain stutter. “Is your mother doing okay?”

People like Arny are the reason I can’t make myself hate Sweet Side in spite of all that’s happened. He’s a good sort and I’m more than happy to send money his way each week. “She’s doing well. Decided to start a new business last week. I’m sure she’s nearly ready to launch by now.”

He lets out a long, relieved sounding sigh. “I’m glad she’s getting back to her old self.”

“That’s because you don’t have to help her juggle the madness.” Just talking about my mother has me relaxing a little. Has me feeling less bothered by the turn my life has taken. “I’m calling to order flowers.”

“More?” His confusion is obvious. “Do you want to change your mother’s standing arrangement schedule?”

“These aren’t for my mother.” I lean forward in my seat. “These are for a woman.”

Arny is silent for a beat. “A woman?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s fantastic.” Arny is more excited than he should be. As excited as I was yesterday before it all came down around my ears.

“Not as fantastic as it sounds.” I try to imagine what goodbye flowers should look like. What do I send to a woman who gave me the first bit of happiness I’ve had in months? “It’s not going to work out. I just want to send her something to say goodbye.”

Arny’s voice lowers. “What do you mean, it isn’t going to work out?”

“You know why it won’t work out. Same reason nothing is working out for me.” I can’t keep the anger out of my voice.

Because I am fucking angry. I’m angry with Jessica for believing what she heard. I’m angry at whoever told that ridiculous story in the first place. I’ve never cheated on a woman in my life, let alone been stupid enough to publicly parade an affair around town.

And I’m angry with myself for not knowing how to fix this.

“But maybe she doesn’t care.” Arny is telling me exactly what I don’t need to hear. Feeding the hope I’ve been trying my best to starve.

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