Page 95 of Recklessly, Wildly Yours

Leigh: At the risk of breaking girl code rules, your girl is struggling big time. IDK what’s going on in her head but she’s refusing to take a pregnancy test. She keeps crying and then there’s the occasional bout of screaming. Whatever you did to her, you did it well and good. And if you tell her I told you all this, I will deny it until the day I die. And I will make you hurt. But for the love of god, Ethan, FIX THIS.

I will forever regret the way I handled that conversation, but since I can’t change it now, all I can do is fix my mistake.

After I leave the airport, I gather supplies and head to the TV studios where Madeline is recording an episode of a live talk show. I receive a text from the photography conference organizers on my way.

IPTC: Ethan, we received your email advising of your inability to attend the conference tomorrow. We’re disappointed you can’t make it but hope all is okay with you. It’s quite unfortunate you had to withdraw. We know you would have received the kind of work opportunities from the conference that would be invaluable to your career. We will endeavor to send people your way where we can. Best, Janie.

She’s right that I’ll miss a lot of work opportunities after withdrawing, but I can’t find it in me to care. Not when the only thing I care about is making sure Madeline is okay and then doing everything I can to convince her that I’m the man she wants to raise a child with.

After I read that text, I tap one out to Madeline.

Me: ILY, Miller. I’m on my way to you rn and we’re going to talk this out. I think you’re avoiding me because I didn’t give you the support you needed. And that’s okay. I’d probably do the same thing if I told a guy I was pregnant and the first thing he said was, “Fuck”. That’s a massive red flag. I’ll save the rest of what I want to say to you for when I’m looking at you, but I have two urgent questions that I really hope you choose to send a reply to. 1. I know I hurt you and you aren’t okay but are you feeling okay pregnancy-wise? and 2. Do you prefer lavender or chamomile?

I hit send and wait, hoping to fuck that she reads it and replies.

A reply comes through within three minutes.

Miller: You did not just tell me that you love me via text!

Fuck, I have never felt relief the way I feel it now. I feel winded.

Me: Shit. I thought that meant I like you.

Miller: Smart-ass.

Miller: And you’re already in London?

Me: Yes. I won’t ever wait to fix things between us.

Miller: How did you know where I was?

Me: There’s this little thing called my girlfriend’s calendar that’s on my phone.

Miller: Your smart mouth is going to get you into trouble, Black.

Me: Are you going to answer my questions?

Miller: I don’t feel sick or anything. But apparently, I’m a raging, hormonal, pregnant woman.

Me: That all seems pretty standard from what I’ve been reading.

Miller: You’ve been reading up on pregnancy?

Me: Yes. There’s a fuckload to learn and only a very short window of time.

Miller: You are such a nerd.

Me: The other answer?

Miller: I can’t decide. I love both.

Me: That’s good enough for me.

Miller: This is a lot of texting for you.

Me: You’re telling me I could have called?

She calls me and I fumble with my fucking phone in my haste to answer the call.

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