Page 90 of Recklessly, Wildly Yours

I did that for your approval, not that I knew that at the time, but it’s true. Honestly, you finding me that day, wiped out on all that coke, was the best thing that could have happened. It forced me into action. Europe changed me, Dad. I put the work in. I learned about myself, figured my shit out. Coming home and meeting Madeline has been lifechanging too. She’s good for me. She actually gives a fuck about me, which isn’t something I’ve ever had in a relationship before. I don’t need your approval anymore, and that may be hard to hear, but I don’t. I have my own approval. But I do want your love”—my throat clogs with so many fucking feelings—“so it means a lot to me to have had this conversation with you.”

Dad has tears in his eyes and I’m not convinced I won’t soon too. He places his hand on my arm and it’s such a foreign thing for us that we both look away for a beat. I think his hand hovers after that, but he doesn’t pull it away and that fucking speaks volumes. “I’m honored to be your father, Ethan. I hope we can find our way to a place where talking is easy between us and where spending time together is the most natural thing to do. I’m committing to you now that I will put the work in to make this happen.”

I swallow down my rising emotions. I’ll let them come later, but for now, I need to get through this conversation. “Maddie and I were talking about birthday parties today...about how much work they are for parents. I’ve never stopped to think about what it must be like to be a father. To really think about every little thing fathers have to do. I know none of us are perfect, Dad, and I know they sure as shit don’t hand out parenting manuals.” I smile and it might be the first time I’ve given him one of those since I was a kid. “Mom asked me to think about how you were as a father rather than as a husband, because your cheating hasn’t been something I’ve been able to forget. I’ve been thinking about what she said and I will keep thinking about it.”

Dad stands and I quickly follow suit. I think we both know we’re at our limit for this kind of conversation. He puts his hand on my shoulder. I think he wants to hug me, but he hesitates and so do I. That might really be pushing it for us today.

In the end, he nods in the way he does, and then we go our separate ways. I’m heading for Luna on the terrace so I can get these photos taken, my mind all over the place and my emotions heightened in a way they’ve never been, when I run into Maddie.

She appears to be in a daze as we collide and I grab her biceps to steady her. “Miller.” I frown as she looks up at me with a range of emotions plastered to her face that look equal parts nervous, worried, and queasy. “What’s wrong?”

“We need to talk.” The words breathe out of her anxiously, triggering my protective streak.

“What about?” Fuck, if her ex has done something else to her, I will lose my shit.

She shakes her head. “No, not here. Somewhere more private.”

I guide her into the library where I’ve just come from and once we’re away from everyone else, I ask, “What is it? Has Tucker done something else?”

Staring at me like she’s maybe changed her mind about this conversation, she puts her hand to her stomach. “Shit.” Then, she bends at the waist, still with her hand on her stomach, and releases a long breath.

I’m concerned she’s about to pass out, so I take hold of her and try to get her to sit. She doesn’t want that, though, and pushes my hands away. That’s the moment I realize that whatever this is, it’s fucking bad. Maddie has never pushed my hands away like that.

“Okay,” I say, my chest filling with dread, “Please tell me whatever it is, Maddie, and then we can deal with it together. You’re worrying me.”

Her big blue eyes bore into mine and I take note of how her breathing has sped up. She doesn’t say anything for what feels like fucking hours but is less than a minute. When she finally speaks, her words rush out of her. “I think I’m pregnant, Ethan, and I swear I took all my pills. And I know this is jumping too fucking fast and that you don’t do that anymore, so this is probably going to ruin everything between us, but”—her entire face twists with fear—“I really hope it doesn’t.”

It's not often I’m lost for words and I hate that this is the moment when my brain fails me. I’ve got a head full of thoughts over the conversation I just had with my father about being a parent, about how hard it is, and now... I might be a father. And I am so fucking unprepared for that. If Dad fucked shit up, why would I think I wouldn’t? I never want to fail a child...and I don’t know the first thing about how to not do that.

When the only thing that comes out of my mouth is, “Fuck,” I want to kick my damn self. That is not what Maddie needs to hear right now. It’s not what she needs from me.

Her eyes go wide and all she does is stare at me.

Fuck.

I’m fucking this up.

I grip the back of my neck. “You took a test?”

She blinks. “No. Not yet.”

Her phone sounds with a text, which she ignores.

“Okay,” I say, blowing out a relieved breath, “so maybe you’re not.”

The library door opens and Luna comes in, jumping in front of me. “Found you!” She appears happy with herself. “Come on, Uncle Ethan. You promised more photos!”

I glance between Luna and Maddie who looks like she’s going to be sick. Then, quickly moving to my niece, I crouch down and take her hands in mine. “Can you give me five minutes, sweetheart? Maddie really needs my help with something. I promise I’ll be out once I’ve helped her.” I tap her nose. “I’ll see if I can convince your dad to let you stay up later, okay?” Gage will kill me for this, but Maddie’s my top priority.

Luna’s face lights all the way up and she starts bouncing on the spot, clapping her hands. “Yes! Yes! Yes! This is the best birthday ever!” She runs out of the library and I shut the door again before going back to Madeline.

“Let’s not rush into assuming anything,” I say. “Let’s get a test and make sure before we go any further.”

Another text comes in for her and she gets cranky with her phone, roughly swiping and tapping to read the texts. Then, she says, “Shit!”

“What?”

“My car’s outside. I have to go.”

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