Page 26 of Recklessly, Wildly Yours

I’m in the middle of doing that when a text sounds from my phone. The text notification alone triggers more violence under my skin.

When I don’t reach for the phone, Ethan says, “How you doing over there, Miller? Do you need me to take over?”

I smile as I stare out the window. My fury eases a little instantly. Ethan has a gift for cutting through the noise and quieting my inner turmoil. And the way he’s started using my surname? I like it a lot.

I turn and find concern on his face. “I don’t think I’m doing too well, to be honest. I think I’ve just ended my career.”

“Your manager has that much control over the twenty million people following you?”

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do but you don’t know the industry like I do. Tucker is an asshole with far too much power. One word from him or Darren and I’ll find it hard to get people to work with me. My career will be over before it’s really even begun.”

He’s quiet for a moment. Thinking. Then he says, “Sure, you may not be able to work with some people if your ex blacklists you, but there’s a lot of talented people in this world waiting to be discovered. I imagine you could find your perfect collaborators if you really wanted to. And the fact you already have a large platform means the kind of opportunity that so many don’t have.” He pauses. “Point is, you aren’t powerless, Maddie. Never forget that.”

Another text comes through for me and this time, I reach for my phone. Ethan’s right; I’m not powerless. And I have value. Tucker and Darren wouldn’t still want me if I didn’t.

Tucker: You have a contract, Madeline.

Tucker: And I highly fucking recommend you honor it. You won’t like what happens if you don’t.

And there’s the asshole I was going to marry. I know he’s referring to the tour contract, but the subtext is get your ass home and marry me, or else.

We arrive in Pittsburgh close to six p.m. That’s after adding six more songs to our playlist in between having a long conversation about Ethan’s work and the travel he’s done as part of it. He’s a photographer and has photographed people all over the world, although, he hasn’t done much photography over the last couple of years after he developed an app that teaches photography. He’s just sold the app and isn’t sure what he’ll do next, but I’ve got the impression he misses taking people’s photos. It was that conversation that got me through the afternoon. If I didn’t have Ethan to help with that, I would have spiraled into a black hole of worry over my career.

I tried to push Tucker and Darren to the back of my mind after Tucker’s texts. I haven’t replied to him yet and I’m still unsure of what I’ll text back.

“Okay,” Ethan says after he gets off a call with the hotel we’ve decided to try and book for the night. We’re currently sitting in his Range Rover in the hotel parking garage. “There’s some massive event on in Pittsburgh this weekend and hotel rooms are scarce. They can give us two rooms but they’re on different floors.”

I know what he’s asking here. Am I happy to be nowhere near him? The answer to that is no. I feel panicky at being alone in that way. It’s irrational, I know, but it’s how I feel.

“Would you be okay if we shared a room?” I bite my lip. From the moment we met, I’ve been asking things of this man and I feel bad over that.

“I don’t know. That’s a big fucking ask of a guy.” He grins.

Ten minutes later, he’s booked us a room and we’re in the elevator up to it. Thankfully, no one has recognized me.

The room we could get is a deluxe room with two queen beds that overlooks a park. Ethan lets me choose which bed I want and then asks if I want to order dinner in or go out for it. He suggests he could go out and get anything I’d like. It’s at this point that I feel really awful for everything he’s already had to do for me. It’s also the moment where my anger at Tucker and Darren resurfaces because they’re part of the reason Ethan and I are here in this hotel room together.

“Do you know what?” I say as I stride to my suitcase. “Leigh threw a wig in here for me, and I think I should put it on, and we should go out for dinner. It’s not fair to you if I demand we stay hidden away for this entire road trip.”

I’ve pulled the suitcase up onto the bed and am unzipping it when Ethan moves behind me and places his hand over mine.

“Maddie, stop.” He’s so close to me that his chest brushes against my back. “I knew what this road trip would be when I signed up for it. I’m happy to stay in for dinner and I’m more than happy to go out and get it for us. Please stop thinking that you’re putting me out. You’re not.” His deep voice and closeness affect me, sparking flutters in my stomach.

I turn, ready to thank him for what he just said. However, every sense I have is overwhelmed by his close proximity and my good sense shuts down on me. There’s a lot going on between this and the anger I’m feeling toward my ex, and this is the only reason I have for what I suggest next. “I think you should take me out and get me drunk.”

His response is immediate. “I think that’s the worst idea you’ve had since I met you.”

“Worse than demanding you kiss me?”

“Far worse than that.”

“Well, we could just get drunk here.”

“Or we could just eat. I’ve worked out you really like chocolate. I’ll bring you enough to binge on so you don’t feel the need for booze.”

“It’s a real wonder you aren’t the father of an eight-year-old and a husband of that child’s mother. How any woman ever let you go is beyond me.”

That slows him down for a beat. He stares at me for the longest moment, like he’s turning over what I just said in his head. “I have a running list of my faults as told to me by exes if you’d like it. It’s a long list.” There’s no bitterness in his words, just candor, and I get the impression that Ethan is a very self-aware man.

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