Page 9 of Recklessly, Wildly Yours

Removing my wedding dress might be the best moment of my day. Probably of my entire month. It’s like the weight of all my commitments in life are also being removed.

I discard the dress, knowing I won’t be taking it with me, and quickly put on the black dress Blair loaned me. It’s a super fitted sleeveless maxi dress with a low scooped neckline, thin shoulder straps, and skinny cross-back straps that reveal a lot of skin. Not a style of dress I’ve ever worn but I love trying something new. Something not chosen for me.

I’m on my way out of the church when I hear Bruno Mars’s voice and the lyrics he sings about it being a beautiful night and that he thinks he wants to marry his baby. I come to a halt. This is the song Olivia chose to walk down the aisle to? “Marry You” by Bruno Mars? I’m so fascinated with this fun choice that I’m drawn into the chapel to see for myself.

Holding the puppy close to my chest, I quietly slide into the pew at the very back and watch while Olivia walks to her groom. His smile and look of adoration actually steal my breath a little. Tucker never looked at me like that.

I glance to his right and find Ethan watching Olivia in the way a brother would watch his sister getting married. I’m so touched by all the emotion I sense between the three of them. That’s something else I’ve never experienced and that thought causes me to think about my mother.

A sharp pang of sadness engulfs me and for a moment, I struggle for breath. I’ve been thinking about her a lot this past week. About her final piece of advice before she died.

Find someone to love you, baby, and when I say love, I mean adore. They should admire you, respect you, and value you. Loving someone is easy; adoring them through miscommunications, disagreements, and turmoil is hard. When you find the person who can do that, who will do whatever it takes to have you never let go of them, you hold on just as tightly.

How did I ever think Tucker was the man I could spend the rest of my life with? He doesn’t have a clue how to adore a woman. My mother would never have let me get all the way to today, dressed in my wedding gown, ready to give my heart to him. She would have had serious words for me the moment I announced my engagement. Hell, I wouldn’t have even made it to that moment if she were still alive.

Tears pool in my eyes.

Why did you have to die, Mom?

It’s a question I haven’t asked in three years. Not since I met Tucker and numbed myself with a toxic relationship and fame.

God, I’ve been so dumb. Made stupid choices. And gotten myself into a mess that’s going to be painful to get out of.

The sound of laughter erupting around me brings my attention back to the wedding and when I glance up, I find Olivia and Callan kissing. She’s got a hand curled around his neck and I get the impression she’s the one who instigated the kiss. When she pulls her mouth from his, he’s grinning and whispering something in her ear that causes her to smile.

That’s what I want.

A soulmate in silliness. An accomplice in mischief. A partner who would happily let me lead him astray.

A man who’d kiss me at the beginning of our wedding ceremony rather than at the end when we’re supposed to kiss.

I sit through their vows, alternating between swooning over the love they clearly have for each other and feeling a myriad of emotions over my own non-wedding. Emotions that may take me a very long time to even begin unpacking, let alone processing.

As the ceremony ends, I slip out of my seat and take the puppy outside. She has to go to the toilet and I need some fresh air.

Guilt hits me when I see Ethan’s driver leaning against the car waiting for me. Shit. He’s been waiting for me all this time.

I let the puppy do her business and then make my way to George, giving him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting.”

He doesn’t appear annoyed. “You wouldn’t be the first of Ethan’s women to do that.”

It doesn’t surprise me to learn that Ethan has had a lot of women. He’s one of the best-looking men I’ve ever met, with his thick, dark, tousled hair; strong, angular facial lines; and a square jawline covered in scruff that screams masculinity to me. He’s also got a whole lot of sex appeal going on. His presence alone is sexy, let alone his mannerisms, his voice, his self-assured magnetism.

And don’t get me started on the way he kisses.

Embarrassment fills me again as I think about the fact I kissed him. On what was to be my wedding day. What kind of person does that? He must think the worst of me. It’s a good thing we’ll never see each other again.

I direct my attention back to his driver. “Can I convince you to take me to the store so I can buy some dog food?”

His lips quirk. “Let me guess, you’re gonna need me to go into the store for you?”

I grin. “I like you, George. It’s not often I meet a man who can read a woman’s mind.”

He gives me a shake of his head. “I imagine you don’t have any trouble getting what you want.”

If only he knew.

The wedding guests spill from the church as he opens the car door for me. I’ve just settled myself in the back and am deep in thought over just how much trouble I do have getting what I want when Ethan comes over to the car.

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