Page 43 of Snared Rider

No, it’s really not, but the alternative is too hard. I glance down at my hands folded on top of the pale cotton hospital blanket.

“I can’t have you in my life, Logan. It’s too difficult.”

His voice is softer when he speaks. “We need to talk this through, Beth. I’m not going through another decade of this shit, of you tiptoeing around the clubhouse in case you bump into me or avoiding coming home at all.”

“You walked away,” I accuse.

“I did,” he admits.

“So, what do we have to talk about?”

“About you pushing me out of your life, Beth.”

“You walked away,” I repeat.

He shakes his head. “So you stonewalled me because I ended our relationship?”

I stare at him incredulously. Is he really making out that I’ve overreacted? He was the one who stomped all over my heart, who destroyed us, not me. He was the one who made this situation awkward. It’s his fault I’m avoiding him.

“I have nothing to say to you, Logan. I didn’t back then, and I sure as shit don’t now.”

He grinds his teeth and I can tell it’s taking all his control not to lose his temper.

“I don’t care what happened in the past. I care about now. It’s been a decade. This shit is old. And you ignoring me… It stops. It stops right now. You understand? This can’t continue. You’ve been avoiding me from the moment—”

I break in with, “Don’t finish that sentence! I don’t want to hear it, Logan. I don’t want to get into it. If you want to and you push me, then I will, but need I remind you my father is here somewhere! The last thing I want is for him to hear the sordid details of our past. And I’m not avoiding you.” Liar. “I just don’t have anything to say to you.” This is true and will remain the case for the foreseeable future.

His hand digs through his hair and I feel his eyes on me. I avert my gaze. I do this because if I look at him I know I’ll find it hard not to listen to him. And once I listen to him I’m doomed.

“What happened between us was… difficult.”

I snort at his choice of words. Difficult doesn’t really cover it. Not even a little.

“Is that what we’re calling it now?”

“It was difficult,” he repeats, “but I’m not the bad guy here.”

My brow arches. “You’re not?”

“No, Beth. I’m not and if you stop being angry for two minutes you’d see that.” He sighs, his frustration evident. “I’m going to wait outside until Jack comes back. When you’re ready to talk like an adult let me know.”

What. The. Hell?

There is so much I want to say to that, but he’s on the other side of the curtain before I can respond. My adrenaline is on overdrive as I lie there trying to regain control. I hadn’t expected to see him, especially when I’m not in a position to defend myself.

I squeeze my eyes shut to stop tears from falling but I fail. Miserably. I don’t want to cry. I’m not a crier. I’m Jack Goddard’s daughter; crying isn’t something Goddards do. But everything hits me at once and the tears come. I let it out, because this is probably the only privacy I will have today (Dad is bound to be in super-overprotective mode) and I’m not breaking down in front of the boys.

So, I cry. I cry until I have no tears left, until I’m a sobbing mess on the bed. Then I use the box of tissues on the bedside locker to clean my face. Afterwards, I just lie still, my brain empty of all thoughts, my body an emotionally wrung out rag.

Dad returns by the time I’ve got hold of myself and calmed down. He pauses by the nurses’ station, where Logan is waiting and speaks to him. Then comes to the curtain area. I’m not sure if he can tell I’ve been wailing while he’s been gone but if he can he says nothing. He just perches on the edge of the bed and takes my hand in his.

“I’m so sorry you got caught up in this, sweetheart. I never wanted Club shit to touch you.”

“Are you in danger? And before you trot out the Club business line, you don’t have to give me the ins and outs, just the footnotes. Should I be worried?”

He studies me for a moment then says, “No darlin’. This shit was a one-off. Some arsehole who got a bee in his bonnet over something Dean did. It should never have got this far. Derek’s got the lads out looking for this guy, but until they find him the Club’s on alert.”

“I’ll go back to London; I’ll be perfectly safe there.”

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