Page 196 of Remy

He returns his attention to the road. “You want to talk about this now, while we’re trying to dodge the authorities?”

“Yes.”

His jaw clenches, and for a few silent moments I think he’s going to deny me. “Ollie, I had you pressed up against a dirty car after I’d just killed two men while my employees were nearby, organizing how to dispose of the bodies. Is that really how you want to lose your virginity?”

“So given different circumstances you would’ve slept with me?”

His nostrils flare.

“Remy?”

He doesn’t answer.

“Goddamn you.” I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline, the rejection, or the culmination of the last few months catching up with me, but I’m done with undisclosed information. “I can’t keep doing this. You reel me in only to spit me out. Why are you so offended by my virginity?”

His fingers flex against the steering wheel as he speeds along the darkened road. “Nothing about you offends me. Never has. Never will.”

“Is it because you think I won’t be any good at it?”

“No,” he snarls. “I already know you’ll be equally flawless in fucking me as you are in everything else you do. But wanting you is dangerous. I’m teetering on the edge of my restraint when it comes to us.”

“Why restrain yourself at all? It’s obvious we both want this.”

“Why?” He huffs a faint laugh. “Because in that bar, when you were about to walk away, I fucking kissed you.” His eyes turn to mine in annoyance. “There was a threat in the next booth. I knew they wanted to kill me, and still I turned my back to the danger because you make me so messed up I was willing to pay the price.”

I stare, humbled and heartbroken.

I understand what he’s saying. I can even agree with it. But there has to be more.

“Then why kiss me again?” I ask. “Why do what you did against the car?”

I find it hard to say it—he went down on me.

He placed his mouth between my thighs and unraveled my soul one tightly wound string at a time.

“I know there’s more to it,” I whisper. “You have a problem with my virginity. You’ve said it before. You can’t deal with my lack of experience.”

He pauses at the intersection leading onto the highway, his eyes cutting to mine for a hard glance before he takes the turn. “It’s not you.”

“Do you expect me to believe that when?—”

“Yes, I expect you to fucking believe it because it’s the truth.” His voice raises. “Your virginity isn’t the issue. It’s me being the one claiming it. I won’t take that from you. Not after what my parents did to me.”

My heart stutters. Falters. “What they did?”

“Yes. They fucked me up more than you can imagine. So believe me when I say I’m the one who holds all the blame.”

A lump builds in my throat. “Will you tell me?”

“I’ve already told you enough about my genetic contributors to leave you scarred for life.”

“Yet I’m still here, begging for more. Doesn’t that mean something?”

He huffs an indignant breath.

“Please, Remy. I hold so many of your secrets—why not this one?”

He swipes a rough hand over his five o’clock shadow while the headlights of an oncoming car approach and then pass. “I’m protective of your virginity, Ollie, because the reminder of losing mine makes me fucking ill.”

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