Those butterflies transform into vultures, the flap of massive wings ricocheting through my ribs. “And I like that showing you my pain doesn’t make me feel ugly.”
Only weak. So goddamn weak.
“You could never be anything other than stunning, Abri. The evidence of your trauma makes you more beautiful.”
It’s hard to align this man with the one who enraged me this afternoon. Or at the gala. Or almost every moment in between. He’s subdued. Somehow devoid of aggression.
A part of me wants to believe it’s because he’s softening to me. That he likes me. But an even bigger part wonders if it’s manipulation.
He guides his thumb along my neck. “Lay with me until Langston returns with dinner.”
“Lay with you?” I frown. Not get naked? Not fool around?
“Yeah.” He releases his hold and walks around me, moving to the door where he flicks off the light. The room darkens to shadow, the fading pinks and purples from the dwindling sunset the only illumination.
He returns to me, murmuring over my shoulder, “Come on. Get on the bed.” He stalks around the far side and climbs onto the mattress.
It feels like another trap. One that’s riddled with temptation and entirely too well thought out. But I concede, scooting onto the closest side of the bed, the towel still draped around me.
“What are you doing all the way over there?” His arm wraps around my waist, dragging me back against his chest. “Do you think I’m going to bite?”
“A girl can only hope.” I wince into the darkness, hating how good it feels to be hugged by him.
I wiggle, snuggling closer, hungry for our bodies to touch everywhere when my ass grazes his dick.
“Belladonna.” He groans against my shoulder. “I’m struggling to keep this PG without that perfect ass increasing the torture.”
I don’t understand why it has to be PG at all. But I humor him, falling still in his arms. “Have you ever been tempted to sleep with me?”
“Only with every heartbeat.”
The air burns in my lungs. I don’t know what increases my yearning more—his admission or how he’s the first man to simply lie with me. No sex, despite his body craving it. No taking advantage of every second I’m in his bed.
It’s as if he knows I’ve been denied comfort like this all my life. That yelling and dictating to me will never work, but this…this could truly break me.
“Tell me what made you decide to quit having sex,” I whisper.
He nuzzles the back of my neck, making goose bumps erupt across my skin. “I don’t want to be responsible for another kid being brought into this world only to be traumatized by bad parenting.”
My warmth vanishes. “Do you mean like what I’ve done to Tilly?”
“Not in the slightest. For starters, you’ve done nothing but love that little girl. The distance between you both has been out of your control.” He places the softest kiss to my shoulder. “I have no doubt you would’ve been a far better parent than most if given the chance.”
“But you wouldn’t be?”
“No,” he states flatly.
“Why?”
“There aren’t enough hours in the day to relay all the specifics. So I’ll narrow it down to the obvious—being my lifestyle choices, my sins, and my lack of compassion.”
“You have compassion, Bishop.” Too much of it when it comes to my safety.
“If that’s true, I assure you I can turn it off without thought. If I don’t want to give a shit about something, I won’t.”
“You give a shit about me even though you don’t want to.” I turn to face him, admiring his Adonis-like features through the shadows. “I’m sure you wouldn’t be in here with me if given the choice.”
“You’re different… A fucking anomaly.” He drags his fingers along my back, light, teasing brushes through the towel as if he’s an artist creating a masterpiece.