Page 86 of Love and Other Goals

Carter gives me an awkward hug, which really isn’t too odd for a middle school boy anyway. Dean leans in for the world’s fastest hug, then tells me, “I’m sorry, Lana. I’ll stop texting with Parker if you want me to, you know, since he’s Mateo’s friend.”

It’s the sweetest thing I could imagine Dean saying, and I pull him in for a forced real hug. “No way. You don’t have to do that. Keep talking to Parker and working on that Esports future.” He’s visibly relieved to be released from both my hug and the obligation to cut ties with Parker on my behalf.

We have popcorn and watch a comedy as a family that night, and I’m thankful for a reason to half-heartedly laugh.

My free pass to not talk expires quickly, however. When I sit down with coffee and a muffin the next morning, my mom is raring to go. She begins by having me recount my conversations with Aaron and Mateo again, probably listening for any discrepancies. Sometimes having a lawyer for a mom kinda sucks.

Mom pours us fresh cups of coffee, and I can see her mental wheels turning. She sits back down across from me, and I brace myself. “Lana, I want you to think this through before you answer. Are you really sure you want to abandon the love you had with Mateo just because there might be some complications in the plan you had mapped out?”

I’m silent, partially because she told me to think before answering and partially because I don’t know how to answer. I take a long drink of coffee, begging the caffeine to knock the gears of my brain into working order.

“You’re oversimplifying this, Mom,” I finally begin. “Of course I don’t want to give up what I had with Mateo. But what kind of love doesn’t trust the person you’re with to tell them you’re considering something that might land you in opposite corners of the country for the next three years? What kind of love plans a major move like that behind your back for two months?”

She holds up a hand. “I’m not disagreeing with you that he should have told you sooner. He should have included you in the conversation. But, I do understand his hesitance to bring it up, to worry you about the future if it wasn’t even going to materialize.” She takes a sip of coffee. “But even if it does materialize, you could still find a way forward together.”

“A way forward together? What way forward is there other than me giving up my dream that I’ve been working toward for so long? The dream I’ve achieved?” I shoot back, feeling my anger and defenses rising again. “I never would have guessed you would be the one telling me to give up my dreams for a boy.”

Mom sighs. “Oh Lana. I’m not saying to give up your dreams for a boy. But when you have someone important in your life, someone you want to keep in your life, sometimes you have to consider more than just your plans.”

She pauses. “You’ve always been my driven one, holding so doggedly to your goals that you throw off anything getting in your way. It’s an admirable quality. But…it does have its shortcomings as well. Like potentially missing out on other blessings or opportunities God might have for you because they don’t fit into the box of what you’ve already decided.”

She pauses again before continuing. “I guess I’m just saying that it’s okay for your dreams to evolve, or to have more than one dream at the same time. It seems like you need to hear that you have permission.”

I fidget with the handle of my coffee mug, unable to make eye contact or respond. If I’m honest, my mom’s words landed a blow like a strong right hook. But I’m not sure that I want to be honest right now. I’m not sure that I want to consider that I might have been wrong to react the way I did with Mateo.

I deflect instead. “But what about him not trusting me about Aaron?” I question without addressing my mom’s admonition. “If he can’t believe me when I say that I have no interest in Aaron, how can we have a solid relationship?”

“You’re right, trust is essential in a healthy relationship,” Mom concedes. I know she’s not surrendering though. “But put yourself in his shoes, Lana. He knows you had a crush on Aaron for years while he had a crush on you. And suddenly you’re listening to Aaron calling Mateo’s intentions into question, defending the man who’s been vying for your affection. If the roles were reversed, don’t you think you’d be feeling just a little insecure?”

I’m silent once more, stung by her honesty.

She stands up and kisses me on the top of my head before walking through the kitchen. She pauses before the hallway and turns back. “I know Mateo always came across as so confident and self-assured, but I also saw the way he looked at you. Like you were the greatest treasure ever discovered on earth. Any man in his right mind would get a little frantic if someone threatened to steal that treasure from him. I’m not saying you should get back together with Mateo. I’m just saying that maybe you’re expecting a little too much level-headedness from a man who is hopelessly in love with you.”

My mom is merciful enough to not bring up Mateo again while I’m home. She must have sworn the rest of my family into silence as well, because no one so much as mentions Townsend. I visit Samira and Zahra on Sunday, go shopping with Olivia on Monday, play video games with Dean, join Carter on runs, and generally do anything and everything I can to avoid thinking about Mateo. Or about how much I miss him. Or about how many times I reach for my phone to text him about something and then remember it all.

On Thursday, I’m walking around the neighborhood when I get a phone call from Elena. After general greetings, she says, “Lana, I have an opportunity to talk to you about, and I need you to hear me out before you write me off.”

“Okaaaaay, that’s a weird statement, Elena,” I respond with a laugh. “I promise not to shut you down.”

“My assistant is leaving to take a job as a staffer for a Senator. She’s wrapping things up over the next month and then will be moving on,” Elena explains. “This is a pivotal time to mobilize people to advocate for immigration reform as legislators are campaigning for election season. They need to hear what their constituents care about. So I need an assistant who’s both knowledgeable and passionate about these issues so we don’t lose steam. Lana, you’re my number one choice.”

She pauses to let me absorb this information.

“You mean, you want me to come work with you? Like, in D.C.?” I clarify, mind spinning.

“Yes, I want you to come to D.C. to work with me for a year. You already have experience, and you clearly have the personal drive to see progress made. You’re the perfect fit, Lana. I know you’ve already been accepted to UC Davis, and this would mean deferring law school for a year, but you’d be making a huge difference. Plus, the University of Maryland Francis King Carey School of Law just up the road in Baltimore has a great Immigration Clinic, and their Chacón Center for Immigrant Justice would let you be involved volunteering even if you’re not enrolled as a student. So, you would still keep your foot in the door to pursue law school, all while gaining even more valuable experience,” Elena concludes. She obviously thought through every facet before presenting this idea to me.

“Wow, Elena, I’m so honored that you would want me to work with you,” I eventually respond. “I…I’m just going to need to think about this before I make a decision.”

“Of course. I know this is a huge curve ball to your plans, Lana. But I had to try to snag you while I have the chance,” Elena says, a smile in her voice. “Look up the Chacón Center, give it some thought, and let me know any questions you have.”

I promise to do so and hang up.

My sense of control and confidence over my future is faltering, and I’m not a fan of the feeling. “God, were my carefully-laid plans really so terrible that you had to completely torpedo them all?” I question out loud.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Back home, I shut myself in my room and pull up the website for the Chacón Center, reading everything I can find about it. I have to admit it’s appealing, right up my alley. I go down the rabbit hole of reading their news articles and social media posts for hours.

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