Page 74 of Love and Other Goals

I know I love him, and I suspect he’s known he loves me even before I figured things out with us. In my head, I know he’s just waiting until he has commitment to back up the words “I love you” before saying them, but it’s becoming harder and harder to hold back the phrase each time we talk.

The long stretch of being apart from Mateo is broken up in January by another trip to Washington D.C. Elena asked if I could come for a few days to help lead some advocacy meetings. A Christian nonprofit focused on welcoming immigrants pulled together women from across the nation who were willing to meet with their Senators in D.C. to advocate for immigration reform. So many signed up that they needed some extra people with experience to help guide the groups.

Flying back home, I’m feeling tired yet energized from my time there. On my layover in Chicago, I find a somewhat abandoned corner to FaceTime Mateo.

He answers after just two rings, “Hey gorgeous, how are you?”

“Worn out, but great,” I respond with a smile. I fill him in on my time in D.C., explaining the outline of our meetings and detailing the varying responses from different Senators. I love that I can talk about immigration policy and advocacy with him, and he not only understands what I’m saying, but shares a genuine interest.

“Was it good to see the people you worked with over the summer again? Were most of the same people there?” he asks.

“Yes, most everyone was still there. I love spending time around Elena. I feel like I learn a hundred things just listening to her every time she presents,” I say. “Plus, she makes me feel like I’m truly doing something meaningful, like I’m empowered to really make a difference.”

“Of course you’re making a difference, Lana,” Mateo responds. “Everywhere you go, you leave behind a trail of people whose lives are better after crossing paths with you. I love being along for the ride.”

Blushing at his compliment, I change the subject and ask how his family is doing. We continue chatting until my alarm reminds me to head to the gate for my flight. I promise to text him when I make it home safely and blow him a goodbye kiss into the screen.

“Just one more week till I can kiss you for real again,” Mateo says with a one-sided smile and wink.

On board the plane, I twist open the air vent and close my eyes. The short one-hour flight to KC goes by in a snap as I’m lost in memories of kissing Mateo, softly smiling the whole way home.

Amaya throws her president weight around to get the three of us into the AOPi house a day before anyone else is allowed back. We capitalize on the quiet, empty house to dance in the dining room, eat way too much junk food for “dinner” in the movie room, and stay up till all hours catching up on our breaks and plans for spring semester while a movie plays as background noise.

Our time is tinged by the bittersweet feeling of knowing how hectic our final semester together will be. Amaya will be extra busy; working every angle on job offers in KC, on top of running AOPi and training the new president for next year.

I have some challenging classes in my final semester, plus my self-imposed schedule of pre-studying for law school. And let’s be honest—a decent chunk of my free time will be spent with Mateo.

Although Teegan officially accepted the offer to stay at Townsend on staff with Arrow next year, she’ll still be student teaching this semester, which everyone knows is more than a full-time job. Amaya and I put together a “student teaching survival kit” of all of Teegan’s favorite candies and snacks, a giant water tumbler, and a mega-sized pack of her favorite individual coffee creamers to keep stashed in her classroom. She somehow manages to happy squeal and cry simultaneously when she opens it, sparking tears in our eyes as well.

So it’s no surprise when we’re huddled together on the floor of the movie room, sobbing into each other’s shoulders in the wee hours of the night.

“I’m just going to miss you so much!” Teegan cries, barely breathing through her tears. “You’re both going to move on, but I’ll still be here. I hate missing out! And it just won’t be the same without you at Townsend!”

Amaya is the first one to snap out of our late-night emotional delirium and talk some sense into us all. “We have to stop. We still have this semester left together, and we’re going to make the most of it. And even after we graduate, we are still Beefs—Best Friends Forever. Neither of you are getting rid of me, like, ever.”

We blow our noses and wipe our eyes and snuggle up together on our mountain of throw pillows and blankets on the floor. Eventually, we each doze off, and I feel like I won the friendship lottery as I slip off to sleep.

The next morning, we sleep until Amaya’s alarm goes off at 9:00 a.m. Teegan groans a protest, but Amaya is immediately wide awake and straightening up the movie room. I reluctantly get up to join her, and between the two of us, we eventually get Teegan moving.

We head to Bookafe together to get coffee and pastries before more AOPis start trickling in throughout the day. I text Mateo between helping girls unload their cars, checking in to see when he’ll get to town. He drove halfway from Michigan yesterday, so he’s aiming to be back in Brooklyn in time for dinner tonight.

Mateo is planning to unload his car and then pick me up for dinner, but I decide to wait at his house. This has everything to do with wanting to surprise him with a sweet gesture and nothing to do with wanting more privacy than the AOPi house affords for Mateo to potentially kiss me in greeting. Scout’s honor.

His other roommates aren’t arriving till tomorrow, so I get to his house and sit on the folding lawn chair that poses as porch furniture to wait for him to pull up. I’m thankful for the streetlight directly across from their porch piercing the darkness. I curl my hands into the sleeves of my sweatshirt to keep warm, hoping Mateo was accurate on his ETA.

His truck comes down the street a minute later, and I stand up to lean against the porch post as he pulls into the narrow driveway. Mateo smiles as he steps out of the truck, and I rush down the walkway to jump into his waiting arms.

“I missed you,” I murmur into his ear, my arms wrapped around his neck.

“Mmmm, I’ve been waiting for this,” Mateo murmurs back, holding me tightly. He sets my feet down on the ground and draws back to look me in the eyes, threading his fingers through my hair. “And I’ve really been waiting for this,” he adds quietly just before tipping my chin up to meet my lips with his.

I sigh and melt into his kiss, the warmth of his body against mine evaporating the chill of the air around us. We had planned on going to dinner, but my lips have knocked my stomach off the throne. Not even tiramisu or Rosa’s cooking could convince me to leave this kiss now.

Far too quickly, Mateo’s lips pull back from mine, and he lets out a shaky breath as he leans his forehead against mine, eyes closed. His hands tenderly cradle my face as he opens his eyes and whispers, “I missed you, Lana.”

I lean my cheek against his chest, tucking my head under his chin where I fit so perfectly. I feel the shift of the muscles in his shoulders as he rubs his hands up and down my back. I could stand here breathing in his scent all night long. Who needs food? Or sleep? Or shelter? Mateo’s arms are perfectly sufficient life support.

My stomach chooses that moment to loudly growl. Traitorous little organ fighting to take back control.

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