Page 56 of Love and Other Goals

Amaya

Mantras?

No

I do feel bad that he’s sad. But I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I just kinda wish I could avoid him altogether. But that seems mean

Ok I’m leaving for KC. See you Sunday

I’ve just pulled back on the highway after a rest stop halfway home when my phone rings. Smiling at Mateo’s name on the screen, I hit the button on my steering wheel to answer the call.

“Hey there!” I say brightly. “Sorry, I’m still in the car driving!”

“Hey you with the fancy Bluetooth car,” Mateo teases, making me laugh. “So many wonders of technology at your disposal but you’ll still stoop to using a pen and paper.”

Giggling, I ask, “So you got my note?”

“Yes. And I’ll take the sappiest version of Lana there is, so don’t hold back,” Mateo says. “I already miss you, too.”

We talk for the next half hour until I hit the outskirts of Kansas City traffic. “As much as I hate to hang up, my city girl driving skills have gotten a tad rusty, so I should probably let you go and concentrate on the road.”

“Definitely hang up and pay attention to driving. Text me to let me know you made it home?” Mateo asks.

“I will. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, Lana.”

I happy sigh as I hang up. It’s the simplest thing, but I’ll never get tired of hearing my name come out of his mouth.

My weekend at home flies by. Even though I miss Mateo more than I will ever admit out loud to anyone, I easily fall back into the Grant family habits and rhythms. Olivia and I stay up way too late Friday night talking about high school and dance team and all the drama that is generally associated with those two things. Mom and I take a walk Saturday morning to catch up (AKA me answering all her prying questions about Mateo). My dad and I play some cello/piano duets together, and I even get some quality time with the twins after we see Olivia off to homecoming.

Dean is still on the sullen side of life, and I wish I knew the magic words to snap him out of it. I hate feeling powerless to make positive change, especially with someone I care so much about. Still, I convinced him to temporarily abandon his video games to eat junk food watching a movie together Saturday night, so I’ll take the small win. I don’t know what or who it’s going to take to get him on a positive path, so I just pray that God provides whatever needs to happen moving forward.

I listen to my Christmas playlist the whole way back to Brooklyn. We got the tiniest bit of snow flurries for approximately ten minutes this morning, but it’s enough to have me fully in the Christmas mood now.

Monday afternoon, I’m sitting in the Harry Potter room at the library working on a paper when a pair of strong, tan arms suddenly surrounds me, and I feel a kiss on the top of my head. I pull my earbuds out and wrap one arm around Mateo’s neck, tucking my face right under his chin so I can take a deep inhale of him. I’ve finally put my finger on where Mateo’s scent transports me to—he smells like an open-air spice market in the middle of a Christmas tree farm. I’d like to set up a tent there so I can live among that heady aroma for all eternity.

“I thought I might find you here,” Mateo says as he finally releases me and sits down in the chair next to me, pulling my hand into his in one smooth motion. I must not be the only one feeling acute physical touch withdrawal after the weekend apart.

I fill Mateo in on my weekend at home and he recounts the soccer match for me. He offers to walk me back to AOPi before he goes to practice, so I turn to save my progress on my paper. Just before clicking the X on my email tab, my attention snaps to a message in my inbox with the subject “Application status updated.”

I freeze. My heart starts pounding, and I turn to Mateo with wide eyes. He looks puzzled and asks, “What is it?” I just point toward my computer screen, and I see his face register the reason for my sudden anxiety.

He takes my hand and says in a low, soothing voice, “Okay, do you want to check it now, or do you want to go back to AOPi and be with Amaya and Teegan before you open it?”

His thoughtfulness calms my nerves enough for me to think clearly. “Yes, that’s a good idea. I don’t want to open it here in the library,” I say as I close my laptop screen. Mateo nods and puts it away in my backpack for me. “But I still want you with me too when I open it.”

“Of course,” he says with a soft smile. “I’ll still walk with you.”

I shoot a quick message to the Beef group text.

Help

Meet me on the side porch in ten min. Application status updated

Teegan

Screaming crying throwing up

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