Page 3 of Love and Other Goals

His pointed attention seemed to indicate that he also had feelings for me. We low-key flirted that first summer and throughout sophomore year. He would DM me random funny reels on Instagram that he thought would make me laugh, and he always made it a point to find me to talk at our weekly Arrow meetings or at the social after parties following the meetings.

It seemed obvious to Teegan, Amaya, and me that Aaron liked me as much as I liked him.

But he never asked me out.

As sophomores, I justified it to myself that we were just young. We had two years of college left and lots of growing to do, so it totally made sense to not start dating yet.

Last year as juniors, we were leading Bible studies of freshmen for Arrow, so we spent even more time together at leaders’ meetings. As an added bonus, his fraternity was paired with AOPi as homecoming partners. That meant our houses worked on everything together that fall, including a showcase performance with a skit and dance routine.

It was the only year I signed up to be part of the showcase. Conveniently, Aaron and I wound up as dance partners. Weeks of practice, having an excuse to dance together (even if it was mostly hip hop and swing moves), left me elated.

We killed it at the showcase, and when our routine ended, Aaron spun me around as the crowd cheered. He held me in a tight hug even after setting me down, until it was time to run off the floor. My smile was so wide, I thought my face might break from the strain.

When it came time to announce the winners, our team of AOPis and OGs was huddled together with our fingers crossed. Aaron stood right behind me, his hand loosely resting on my waist. I could feel his breath against my hair as we waited for the first-place announcement.

The announcer called our names, and we were all bear hugging and jumping so enthusiastically that we fell over in a heap. I’ll never forget the way Aaron’s arms reached out to break my fall and wrap around me in the midst of the chaos.

After the excitement calmed down, Aaron asked if he could drive me back to the AOPi house. This had to be the moment. He was finally going to ask me out on an official date. I even excitedly whispered it to Teegan and Amaya as I explained I wouldn’t be riding back with them.

But nope. No declarations of love or date requests. We just talked about the excitement of first place in showcase, our chances of winning homecoming overall, random small talk.

I came home to AOPi that night depressed and confused, swearing to Teegan and Amaya that I was done crushing on Aaron, that it was clearly all in my head and not in his.

While Amaya initially seemed to share my dose of cynicism, Teegan rekindled the hope in my heart. She reasoned that Aaron might be hearing from Kent and the other Arrow leaders that he should hold off starting a relationship until we were closer to graduation. There was an undercurrent in Arrow to focus your time in college on investing in friendships and growing your faith, as opposed to casually dating.

The logic was sound, so I latched back on to my crush and my hopes for a long-term future together. I replaced my misgivings about his lack of clarity with belief in his best intentions, trusting that his shiftiness was due to the environment we were in, not his true feelings.

But now, here we are, seniors. Just nine months away from the start of our futures. So now seems like the perfect time to decide if our future is together. Because if we don’t start dating ASAP, it’s going to be very difficult to stick to my plan of getting married next summer before we move to California.

What if I ruined it? Maybe by not being there this summer, Aaron realized he didn’t like me, or there was someone else he liked more.

Ughhhhhhhh. I rest my forehead on my arm on the table. I can’t let my mind catastrophize the situation with Aaron before I’ve even talked to him. At least I try to convince my brain of such.

I’ve been so lost in my thoughts that my coffee and bagel are cold. I get a fresh cup and grab a second mug to take to Teegan. Some Beefs time is exactly what I need to break out of this Aaron-induced funk.

Balancing the two coffee mugs in one hand, I turn the door knob to our room. Soft lamplight is on, which means Teegan must be awake. “Morning Sunshine,” I whisper as I close the door.

Teegan moans from her bed, where she’s at least removed her eye mask. “Ugh, I can tell I’m not a freshman anymore. I’m too old for this.”

“Here, ya old lady, I brought you caffeine,” I tell Teegan, handing her a mug. “Although with the amount of flavored creamer you use, it might be more sugar than caffeine.”

“Bless you,” Teegan says. She takes a long sip. “Sugar, caffeine, whatever will get my energy going this morning.”

I sit down at my desk, still feeling a little pensive. “What’s wrong with you?” Teegan asks before taking another sip. “You look troubled.”

That’s the thing about having best friends—they know you better than your ability to hide your thoughts. Then again, I never was a good poker player, so I might be easier to read than most.

“Oh, it’s nothing really,” I begin, picking at my fingernails. “Just scrolling Instagram and saw Aaron surrounded by a bunch of girls at OG’s party last night.”

Teegan immediately pulls up her phone. A few taps later, she sets it back down and says, “Beef, that’s nothing to worry about—just a typical group selfie at a typical frat party. I’m sure it didn’t mean anything to Aaron.”

“I know, I know, Teegs,” I groan. “I’m just a little worried that he may have, you know, moved on or forgotten me since I wasn’t at Summer Project. Eight weeks is a long time. Long enough for a college guy’s brain to get distracted, anyway.” I take another sip of my coffee, looking down at my cup and avoiding Teegan’s eyes. I don’t like how insecure I sound, but I can’t help it.

Teegan moves over to the desk chair next to mine, pulling her knees up to her chest. “Lana, I promise, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Aaron asked about you, like, so many times all summer.”

“He did?” I ask, my eyes darting up.

“Yes,” she confirms. “And did he not like all of your Instagram posts from this past week?”

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