Page 14 of Love and Other Goals

“I know, right?!” I exclaim from around Teegan’s head. She releases me and grabs my shoulders.

“Lana, this is the biggest news of our lives,” she says solemnly.

I put my hands on her shoulders and reply, “Teegan, it is definitely not, but I appreciate your enthusiastic support.”

“So how are you feeling, Beef?” Amaya asks. “I mean, you had your pensive, moody music looping when we arrived, but now that you’ve rehashed it all, how do you feel?”

I take a moment to really think about it.

“Bewildered, I guess? Like I literally don’t know what to think,” I say with a shrug. “I don’t know, I went to bed last night trying to reconcile my longstanding crush on Aaron with my frustration at his dodginess. Now, I just feel really confused by how caught off guard I am. I mean, never in a thousand years did I see that coming. How could Mateo have liked me this long and I had no clue? How have I not paid more attention to know half as much about him as he does about me?”

Amaya and Teegan share a look. I motion my finger between them and say, “Whoa, what does that mean? What’s this look?”

“Lana, you’ve been completely obsessed with Aaron ever since the beginning of sophomore year,” Amaya states with a raised eyebrow.

“Hey! That’s not fair,” I interject, feeling defensive.

“What Amaya means to say,” Teegan jumps in, “is that maybe you didn’t notice anything about Mateo because your attention was always on Aaron. And I’m not saying we aren’t partially at fault for that,” Teegan quickly adds. Placing an arm around my shoulders, she leans her head against mine. “All three of us were constantly analyzing your interactions with Aaron and trying to predict when he was going to make an official move. We were obsessed on your behalf.”

“So basically all this time, Mateo has been paying attention to me, but I’ve been totally ignoring him because all I could see was Aaron.” I recap, and Teegan shrugs. I sigh. “Wow, that makes me feel like a jerk.”

“You are not a jerk,” Amaya says, reaching over to put her hand on mine. “Clearly Mateo doesn’t think you’re a jerk, or he wouldn’t have asked you out. Maybe going on a date with Mateo will be a good thing for your heart.”

I bite my lip. “If I’m honest, I feel nervous letting myself even consider dating Mateo. It really felt like Aaron was about to make a move forward in our relationship, I mean, aside from his confusing behavior yesterday. I thought it could be the breaking point for my crush, but dating Mateo makes it seem much more officially broken.”

Amaya looks like she’s formulating her words carefully. She’s a straight-shooter, and I’m slightly afraid to hear what she’s about to say. “Maybe it’s time to loosen up on your…preoccupation with Aaron. I mean, this isn’t the first time we’ve thought he was on the brink of asking you out.”

“Yeah, LaLa, there have been a lot of times over the past two years that Aaron gave all these hints without doing anything concrete,” Teegan jumps in. “I think you should give Mateo a real chance,” she concludes decisively.

I nudge against her and say, “You’re just saying that because you think he’s hot.”

“I’m not NOT saying that because I think he’s totally hot. But I’m mostly saying it because he seems like a great guy who’s treating you well. So he deserves a shot,” Teegan concludes. “What if he’s the squirrel?”

Amaya looks at Teegan like she’s grown a third eye. “Don’t bother,” I say, holding up a hand.

“You said yes to a date, but that doesn’t lock you in forever, or lock Aaron out forever. When are you going out with Mateo?” Amaya redirects.

“He said he would text me later tonight to make a plan after checking his practice schedule for the week,” I answer. “I feel like I won’t be able to concentrate on anything this week until after our date. I’m going to be overanalyzing everything!” I groan and flop back on my bed.

Amaya pulls me up by the wrists and says, “Nu-uh, we’ve done enough overanalyzing with what’s-his-name over the past two years.”

I roll my eyes at her.

“That’s right,” Teegan says, standing up. “We are going to go for a walk around campus and talk about anything and everything except boys.”

“This would be a perfect time to get a head start on homecoming planning,” Amaya suggests. Teegan and I both roll our eyes now, but we also both know that’s exactly what we’ll talk about.

As promised, Mateo texts me later that night.

Our date will be Friday evening. They have an away game on Saturday, so practice will end by 5:00 Friday. He’s picking me up from AOPi at 6:30.

I am freaking out. All night long, I unsuccessfully try to fall asleep, as I keep replaying my two conversations with Mateo this weekend, along with mentally picking back through all of my numerous interactions with Aaron over the past few years.

When the clock rolls to 6:00 a.m., I give up. I quietly get out of bed and put on a fresh t-shirt and shorts in the dark. I stuff my journal and Bible into a small tote and sneak out of the room. I have a feeling my brain won’t let up on me until I untangle my thoughts in writing, and I may as well do it while enjoying coffee and a quiet atmosphere.

I can’t bring myself to go back to Bookafe today, so I drive to Raelynn’s, my second favorite coffee shop in Brooklyn. They have a giant coffee roaster in the shop, so it always smells like heaven, and their drip coffee is the best in town.

I order a bottomless mug and fill it up for the first of many times, adding a splash of half-and-half. Which sends my mind back to Mateo’s long list of observations yesterday. I find a seat at a table in the corner and put in my ear buds. Hitting play on Spotify’s Maverick City Music Radio playlist, I pull my journal and Bible out of my bag.

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