Page 76 of Nathan

Please get in touch soon.

Love always,

Your Laurence.

Laurence. My dad’s name is Laurence.

I pick up the next letter. As painful as it is to read such private and intimate thoughts, I have to carry on. I devour the next few. All are a similar theme to the first one, filled with angst and longing, although strangely, some he signs as Laurence, and others he just puts L.

Toward the end of the second bundle, I find what I’ve been searching for but hadn’t dared to hope for.

“Dex, Listen to this.”

My darling Rebecca,

Your news has stunned me. I’ve been sitting here for hours, reading, and rereading your last letter. The light has faded, making your words harder to read, yet still I haven’t moved.

It’s clear to me now why you stopped coming to see me for all those months, but I do wish you’d been able to confide in me. It cuts me deep that you felt the need to deal with this on your own.

Oh, but my love, you’ve made me both ecstatically happy and devastatingly sad. Happy because there will always be a part of you and me in the world, an expression of our love, yet sad because I know I will never be able to tuck my son in at night, or soothe him when he’s sick, or sing to him and make him laugh. I will never be able to do all the things a loving father should do, but I respect your decision. You have three other children to think of, and I know it would tear you apart to leave them behind. And I know you love him, too. I don’t begrudge you that.

But it hurts, Rebecca, so very much.

Try to include a photograph of Nathan next time you write. And please let me see him at least once.

My love and adoration, as always,

Your Laurence.

Dex squeezes my arm while I sit there in stunned silence. “Oh, Nate.”

My eyes glisten over, and when I look at Dex, she’s all fuzzy.

I blink a few times to clear my vision. “He did love me.” I blindly reach for her, and she doesn’t hesitate to fling herself into my outstretched arms. “Of course he did. How could he not?”

I don’t know why it’s so important that this stranger, this sperm donor had loved me, but it is. The fact I hadn’t been the product of some one-night stand, but what seemed to be a true love affair validates me in a way I haven’t prepared for. What if my dad is still alive? Would he want to meet me?

I cling to Dex for several minutes before letting her go.

“There’s still nothing to hint at who he was, though. Knowing his first name was Laurence isn’t going to help very much.” I get to my feet. “Come on, let’s take the rest of the letters home. My brothers deserve to be a part of this.”

Chapter 27

Nate

We decide to walk back to Declan’s apartment building. I need the fresh air, as well as the time to process what Dex and I uncovered. I know my father’s name, and that he’d loved me and my mom. That means more to me than I ever thought it would.

I’m not trying to excuse Mom’s affair, but it’s clear to me now she loved both men. I can’t even imagine the turmoil that must have caused for her, especially once I came along. As much as we like to believe our parents are above reproach, they have flaws like we all do.

On the way, I send a text to our group chat saying I’ve found something of interest, and asking them to meet me at Declan’s in thirty minutes. I feel bad dragging my brother’s away from their lives once again, but they’ll want to see these letters, too.

I expect to be the first to arrive. As it happens, though, Dex and I are the last, although there’s no sign of the wives and girlfriends.

“This is getting to be a habit, little brother,” Callum says, grinning. “You click your fingers, and we all come running.”

“I can do other things with my fingers, too.” I flip him off.

He throws back his head and laughs. “So, what gives?”

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