Page 66 of Nathan

“Will you be there?” he asks.

“I’ll be wherever you need me to be.”

He lets out a long, exhausted sigh. “At least if I lose it all, I’ll still have you.”

Chapter 24

Nate

Dex’s hand squeezes mine as we enter Declan’s apartment building. My text message to our group chat had prompted a flurry of questions, all of which I ignored. Most notably was the “Why no wives/girlfriends?” at my impromptu request for a meeting. If I’ve timed it right, Dex and I will be the last to arrive. I can’t stand the thought of sitting around waiting for Callum and Ciaran to get here while Declan probes me for answers.

No matter how much I try, I can’t halt the hurricane swirling around in my stomach. I can’t believe that after seven years of holding my secret close, a few weeks with Dex has broken down my carefully erected barriers and unraveled my silence, resulting in me spilling my guts to her. I hadn’t intended to tell her a thing, but she has a way of loosening my tongue.

The woman would make a marvelous interrogator. She should apply for a job with the CIA.

I feel sick when the elevator doors open onto the lobby. This could all go horribly wrong, or it could go perfectly right. I can’t call it. I’m not worried about their reaction to my parentage so much as I’m terrified of destroying the memory they all have of our mother. Each one of my brothers held her on a sort of pedestal. Maybe if she’d lived, they’d have seen her flaws and recognized she was as human as the rest of us. But she hadn’t, and they didn’t.

But I do. I know exactly how flawed she was.

Dex increases the pressure on my hand. “I’m with you all the way.”

I nod but can’t speak. My mouth is dry, and I’m finding it difficult to swallow past a huge lump in my throat. My heart hammers against my ribcage, the tender muscle bruised and battered by the very cage meant to protect it.

Jesus, the parallel with my own existence isn’t fucking funny. Guess it’s too early for alcohol, although I wouldn’t say no to a very large whiskey right at this moment. Fuck the hangover.

As we exit the elevator into the foyer, Dex curls her hands around my neck and forces me to look at her. “Breathe. It’s going to be fine. They love you.”

“Don’t you get it? I’m about to destroy their memory of Mom.”

She shakes her head. “Your mom had an affair, Nate. That doesn’t make her unlovable or any less the wonderful mother she was to all of you. It makes her fallible, like the rest of us.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. “I hope my brothers see it that way.”

She waits for me to open my eyes. “They will,” she says gently. “Trust me. You’re doing the right thing.”

I briefly kiss her. This girl. I can’t imagine a life without her now. She brings light to my dark, drags laughter from me when no one else can, and makes me want things I never expected to want.

“Ready?” she asks.

“No,” I reply, forcing a faint smile.

I use the key Declan gave me and open the door to his apartment. Three heads swivel as we enter, and the knot in my stomach tightens.

No backing out now.

“Well, you summoned us, and we’re here,” Callum says. “What’s so fucking urgent that I got dragged over here on a Sunday morning when I should still be in bed with my girlfriend?”

Declan glares at him, but Callum simply returns his annoyed stare with one of his own. My tongue dampens my dry lips. I think I’m gonna puke. How do I begin? What should I say first? Goddammit, I should have practiced this in a mirror or something. I’m a fucking actor. I read lines. I’m useless at improvising.

I sit on the small couch opposite my three brothers, and Dex sits beside me, resting her hand on my thigh, the warmth from her palm bleeding through my jeans, grounding me right when I need it. I could kiss her, and not only because it’d distract me, but because when I’m kissing her, I forget everything except how good she makes me feel.

“You have to let me finish,” I begin, the warning for Callum’s benefit rather than Declan or Ciaran who are far less likely to interrupt. “Or I can’t do this.”

Callum’s eyes narrow. “You’re beginning to worry the shit out of me, little brother.”

Declan leans forward, his forearms resting on his knees. “You can tell us anything, Nate. We’re your brothers, and we love you.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. The back of my throat aches, and I have difficulty swallowing. My pulse begins to race, speeding up with every passing second.

---