Page 50 of Ciaran

“Tanner used sex as another way to control and punish me. He would start up, then stop because of some unknown transgression of mine. The way I’d looked at him. The fact I’d held him too tightly, or not tightly enough, or that he thought I wasn’t ‘active’ enough. Then he’d wake me in the middle of the night and demand sex. He liked to keep me sleep deprived because that made me more compliant. I was too exhausted to fight him. If I told him no, he’d sulk, and the black moods and crippling silence would make me give in. It was far easier to comply than to face his escalating anger and intimidation.”

I clench my hands into fists. That fucker.

“So, now you know.” She lifts one slender shoulder. “Not only did you make me feel cherished, but you also made me feel things sexually I didn’t even know were possible.”

My heart swells, even as my fury runs rampant at how much she suffered for all those years. If it takes me a lifetime, I’ll find a way to make that bastard suffer, too.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, no. Don’t be.” She leans up on her elbow and kisses me. “I’m safe. I’m happy. I’m with you.” She gives me a sweet giggle. “And I’m horny. Ready to go again?”

I cage her with my body, my forearms resting at the side of her head, and I trail my nose between her breasts. “For you, I was born ready.”

Chapter 19

Millie

The clock beside the bed reads four fifteen in the morning when I wake. My bladder is fit to burst, so I slip out of bed to use the bathroom. Once done, I slide back beneath the covers and nestle into Ciaran’s side. He stirs in his sleep, and his arm comes around me automatically, but he doesn’t awaken.

Safe, my body hums. You’re safe with him.

Not to mention the man gives the most incredible orgasms.

I shudder with pleasure as I pick over the events of the last few hours. I hadn’t expected to end up in bed with Ciaran. I’d hoped for a few stolen kisses, the odd brush against his firm, muscular body, even a sweep of my hand over his delicious ass, maybe. Whether it had been the excitement of the evening, or the way he’d looked at me in that bar, desire had consumed me. I’d wanted him, desperately, the urge within me spilling over into an almost frenzied need that had shocked me with its force.

Before tonight, I never understood the big deal about sex. With Tanner it had been something to endure, not enjoy. I’d cry, and he’d carry on anyway. I told Ciaran a little of my history last night, but the main thing I had kept back—my primary reason for being so scared before we’d slept together—was that Tanner had often called me frigid. My word, not his. No, Tanner would hit me with a string of criticisms, like my ass was too flabby, my stomach not flat enough, or that I didn’t turn him on. He’d finish with a flourish by saying fucking me was like fucking a block of wood. He made me believe there was something wrong with me. That I wasn’t capable of reaching climax.

Ciaran proved that statement to be a big fat lie tonight, because if I had counted right, I’d had six.

Six mind-blowing, toe-curling, out-of-this-world orgasms.

Grinning to myself, I slowly lift the covers. Seven is my lucky number.

Ciaran has one leg bent, the other stretched out in front of him, with his cock lying spent across his thigh. I lick my lips. Yep, actually lick my lips at the thought of him inside my mouth, and the most surprising thing about that? I hated sucking cock. More accurately, I hated sucking Tanner’s cock. He’d always forced me, pressing my head down, his grip painful, my gag reflex kicking in. Not that anything I did stopped him. God, I’d wanted to bite that fucker right off. Clamp my teeth down on him like a pit bull locking its jaws in a dog fight. Unfortunately, I never found the courage, so I’d let him defile me, punish me, hurt me.

Well, no more. That time in my life is over, and ahead is sunshine, rainbows, unicorns… and Ciaran.

I slide down the bed, dislodging his arm. He murmurs, but his breathing tells me he’s still asleep. Good. I don’t want him to wake up yet. For a few seconds, I stare at his cock. No one could, in all honesty, say that male genitalia was pretty to look at, yet, gawking at Ciaran’s, I feel completely different. Maybe because of the things he did to me with it last night.

A tremor runs through me. The fact I’d never come during penetrative sex with Tanner made me believe that orgasms during the act itself, and without clit play, were a fallacy. The man sleeping beside me has destroyed all my preconceived ideas about sex.

I tentatively skim a finger down his length. It jerks, so I do it again, circling the tip with my thumb. It begins to swell and thicken, and the butterflies fluttering in my belly take off. I bend down and close my lips around the head.

Ciaran groans, then gasps. “God, Mia.” His eyelids are still half-mast. “You don’t have to do that.”

I scour my mind, wondering whether I’d slipped up and told him how Tanner used to force me to give him head. No. I’m sure I didn’t. Maybe I talked in my sleep? Although, if I did, Tanner would have been sure to mention it. Another misdemeanor to add to the ever-growing list.

I lick Ciaran from root to tip. “I want to,” I say. “It’s called returning the favor.” I shudder at the memory of his dark head between my legs last night. Instead of my attempt at a joke making him laugh, his brow furrows, and he eases up onto his elbows, fully awake.

“It’s not a quid pro quo situation, Mia. I don’t want you doing anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Bravo, Millie. This has gone swimmingly.

“You’re killing my buzz,” I chide, sliding my hand up and down his cock. “I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

Flopping against the stack of pillows, he laces his hands behind his head. “No killed buzzes detected.”

My lips twitch at the corners. I love how, with him, I don’t have to filter my responses, to try to figure out how each thing I say will be received. I can just be myself, or at least the person I’d been before Tanner.

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