Page 65 of Ciaran

I clutch my stomach and bend over double as agony spreads through my abdomen. This can’t be happening. I escaped. I’m finally free, happy, and in love with an amazing man who cherishes me, makes me feel safe, and loves me like I deserve to be loved. Tanner has spent ten years slowly stripping away my self-esteem, my confidence, and Ciaran has spent the last few months putting me back together again. And for what? So Tanner can rip me apart all over again? Trapped. I’m trapped in an ever-spiraling hell.

It doesn’t matter to me what that video shows because I know Ciaran. There will be a reason he hit that man. What’s the saying? The camera doesn’t lie. Well, it does, and because of that, I can’t let Tanner put that video online. I owe Ciaran that much at least.

“How do I know you won’t post it anyway?”

He cocks an eyebrow. “I guess you’ll have to trust me.”

I half rise out of my chair. The frightened, broken woman who walked out on Tanner over five months ago no longer exists. With Ciaran’s rock-solid support encouraging me all the way, I’ve grown into a fearless, self-reliant woman who refuses to let Tanner take me down. To save Ciaran, and the undoubted fallout on his family, I’ll go back to Tanner—for now. But if he thinks for one goddamn second I’ll bend to his will, he has another think coming.

I jab a finger at him. “You listen to me, you pathetic excuse of a man. If you want to live with a woman who’s only emotion is her hatred for you, fine. You’ve got it. You think you’ve won. Well, you haven’t. You’ve lost because you’ll never get inside my head again. And I’m warning you, if you ever release that video online, I will find a way to make you sorry.”

For a moment, he looks stunned. His head even snaps back a little, and his eyes widen before his brazen expression returns. “You’ve got twenty-four hours. Our plane leaves tomorrow at noon from La Guardia. Be there, or this goes viral.”

I snatch up my handbag and sling it over my shoulder. When I begin to walk away, Tanner calls after me.

“Oh, and, baby, make sure to tell O’Reilly I’ve made several copies, and if anything happens to me, I’ve left clear instructions on what to do next.”

I don’t look back. Even if I had, I wouldn’t have been able to see him through the furious tears rolling down my cheeks.

Turns out I can cry after all.

Chapter 24

Millie

My vision blurs as I stumble to the subway and stagger onto the train, collapsing into the first seat I see. Tears fall unchecked down my face. I want to punch a wall, smash a window. Grind my heel into Tanner’s balls.

An elderly lady sitting opposite to me passes me a tissue. Grateful, I take it and dry my cheeks, but more tears come. I can’t turn them off. Finally, after all these years, I’m allowing my anger to rampage. It’s what I need to fuel the fire raging within me.

As station after station flies past, my mind keeps searching for a way out. A way for me to avoid going back to Chicago with Tanner, to stay with the man I love, and for Ciaran to keep his career. But there’s no way out. Tanner has every angle covered.

I play over how I’ll approach Ciaran. How will I even begin this conversation? And I won’t be able to apply for college now—another dream Tanner has ripped away from me.

To an outsider, Tanner wanting me back would look strange. He knows I hate him, that he makes my skin crawl, and that I’ve been spending my nights in another man’s bed, yet still he wants me back. But I know why. Control and power are strong motivators for a man like Tanner. Love doesn’t enter into it. He’ll search for a way to punish me for leaving him and sleeping with another man.

He can do his worst. I won’t give up until I expose every single one of his weaknesses. Until he can’t bear to look at himself in the mirror. I’ll be subtle, just like he has been. I’ll chip away at him with calm defiance until he begs me to leave. However long it takes, I won’t go down without a fight.

The train arrives at my station. By the time I reach the street, I can barely breathe. I check my watch. Ciaran will be home in an hour or so, but I don’t want to tell him there. Home is his sanctuary. I won’t leave him with a horrible memory every time he finishes his shift. Returning to the bowels of the subway, I catch another train.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m outside Ciaran’s precinct. His shift will be over soon, and if I wait here, I’ll catch him as he comes out. I watch cops come and go, and I want to scream. Why can’t they arrest Tanner? How come innocent people are accused of bad things every single day, yet he gets away without punishment?

I spot Ciaran in the doorway of the station, sharing a joke with Draven, the two of them laughing. Draven gives him a nudge that, given Draven’s size, almost bowls Ciaran over. Ciaran shoves him back, and they laugh once more. My heart almost stops. He looks so carefree, so happy, and I’m about to crush him. I considered lying and telling him I’d decided to get back with Tanner of my own free will, but as both the lie and the truth are equally heinous, there’s no point. Anyway, he’d see right through me. He knows I love him.

Ciaran glances over, spots me, and breaks into a smile. He says something to Draven, who turns his head, waves, then slaps Ciaran on the back before heading off in the opposite direction.

Ciaran jogs toward me. “Hey, you.” He wraps me in his arms, and I let myself sag against him, soaking up his strength and his warmth, memorizing this moment for all the days and nights to come when I’ll need them the most.

“This is a nice surprise. How did the tour at the college go?”

“I need to talk to you.”

A flash of anxiety crosses his face. He must have picked up on the serious tone of my voice. “Is everything okay?”

There’s no point in hiding it. “No.”

He blinks at me, rubbing the space between his eyebrows. “What’s wrong?”

“Can we go grab a drink somewhere?”

---