Page 136 of Chaos

I had absolutely no interest in her. The only woman I’ll ever want is Sofia. I won’t move on, I can’t. My heart belongs to her. Even if I have to rip it out of my chest and give it to her.

That’s what it feels like living without her anyway.

Empty.

Dead inside.

“Go after her.” Nikolai’s voice is stern.

What good am I to her?

Running a hand over my face, the thought of her being upset and on her own eats away at me. I wish I had a fucking time machine and can go back and change everything. Write myself out of her life, take away her misery.

I slam my hands down on the table, feeling the vibrations reverberate through my palms as I push myself up.

“You spill my beer. You owe me a shot.” Alexei grins, picking his bottle up.

“Go.” Nikolai points to the exit.

As quick as my feet will go, I barge into the door and come to a halt when I hear the unmistakable sound of glass shattering. Her screams echo through the air and I search her out in the dark, finding her bashing the windows of my Lamborghini.

All I can see is the shards flying, surrounding her in a jagged spray that litters the ground around her .

Fuck.

“Sofia, stop!” I shout, launching myself over to her, bracing myself for her to hit me with the jack handle as I grab her by the waist and hold her flailing body against me.

“Fuck you, Jax! Get off me. Of course all you care about is your stupid car,” she sobs against me.

Carefully, I unpeel her fingers from the weapon and spin her to face me.

The agony on her face guts me.

She pushes against my chest.

I shake my head and wrap my arms around her, pulling her flush against me, feeling the warmth of her tears soaking my shirt.

“You know that isn’t true, baby,” I whisper into the top of her head.

With every cry, my heart splinters further. I’m not sure how many more times this can happen before I fall apart.

“Why did you do this to us, Jax? How do you get to sit there and drink with your friends, flirting with women and I cry myself to sleep every night? Why couldn’t you just love me enough?”

My throat starts to close in.

My days are darker than even after Kai’s death. I can’t escape it, it’s consuming me.

I pull back, gripping her shoulders and looking into her eyes. They’re a painful reminder of what I’ve done to her.

I deserve every ounce of suffering.

As I glance down, I see the trickle of blood running down her forearm. Fuck. Not only am I torturing her on the inside, she’s bleeding, because of me.

With my thumb, I wipe the crimson away. I can’t let this happen to my sweet Sofia.

“Smash as many cars as you want. Take it all out on me. Hit me, punch me. Do whatever the hell you want. But, I won’t let you ever hurt yourself, tigritsa.”

Just saying her nickname out loud is like a kick in the gut. I am numb to any feeling. She should take it out on me. Let me carry it all.

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