Page 176 of Chaos

My gaze shifts upwards, and suddenly he moves in, his nose gently touching mine.

“And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I would do anything for you, Jax Carter.”

Despite every storm life throws at us. We will always have this.

Our perfect little family.

A love that can survive anything.

EIGHTY-ONE

JAX

Song- I Get To Love You, Ruelle

For the first time all morning, I finally have some time to myself. Nikolai and Alexei have gone to greet my New York family. All of them have flown in for our wedding. I took Sofia and Maeve to visit the crazy bunch last month. I’ve missed them. It was nice to get back in the ring at King’s Gym. Now I have my boxing license back. Grayson and Keller are working on a plan to get me my title back.

Finally, everything seems to piece back together.

It’s only a matter of time before I fuck it up again. Things never run this perfectly in my life. It isn’t possible to be this calm.

I step in front of the full-length mirror and run a hand through my curls.

An entire room full of people are waiting for us in the ceremony room downstairs. What if Sofia gets cold feet?

Or, realizes that I’m not enough for her?

Fuck.

Am I even good enough for her?

My mind races, thinking about the night we met when I caught her running from her wedding. How beautiful she looked in her dress, even with black make-up streaming down her cheeks.

I clench my fists, trying to practice those stupid breathing exercises my therapist drills into me. I can’t beat the shit out of anything in Mikhail’s casino penthouse. I shouldn’t need to do that either.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Today of all days, I can feel myself slipping back into that gray place. And, this time, I’m on my own.

A light knock at the door jerks me back to the real world.

It’s funny how fine you can look on the outside when on the inside, you are breaking. No one can see the silent battles. Except for me, I have someone that can.

I don’t want to talk or see anyone right now. I just want Sofia. I want her to hold me and tell me everything is okay.

It’s bad luck to see her before the wedding. I’ve been warned and we sure as hell don’t need anymore of that. We’ve had enough for a lifetime.

But, I need her.

The tapping continues. Reluctantly, I swing open the door and all the air rushes out of my lungs.

My perfect, sweet Sofia is standing there.

Her long red hair is curled and hangs over one shoulder. And, damn, that tight lace, white dress that dips between her breasts certainly has my head spinning, in the best possible way.

I trail my gaze back up, and concern is written all over her face.

“Jax, are you okay?”

---