Page 144 of Chaos

I flinch as he abruptly stands, throwing his chair to the ground and slamming his free hand down on the counter. Darkness flashes across his eyes. Most wouldn’t even recognize this man, but I see him. My Jax is in there somewhere. I just have to reach him.

“You aren’t broken, Jax. You have been dealt some shitty cards, life beats you down. You just need some help to get back up, baby. I want to help you. Let me help you. You aren’t on your own, Jax. I promise you.”

“Leave, Sofia. I mean it,” he shouts, pointing the weapon at the door.

I shake my head and move closer, realizing what I need to do to try to get through to him.

“You really want to do this Jax? You want to put me and Maeve through the heartache you felt after losing Kai and your father?” My voice raises as I speak. I need to be stronger for him, the only option is us both walking out of here, or neither of us.

His face pales.“Don’t?—”

I cut him off.

This is the only way, with my own pain. I need to show him how much we need him. How much worth his life has.

Nikolai told me to do anything to bring him back.

“How do you think we will cope? By me losing my soulmate? Maeve losing her daddy before she even really got to know him?” I pause, waiting for his reaction.

Nothing.

“What do you think Kai would say about you abandoning your family?” I shout, throwing my arms in the air out of pure desperation.

I stop at the other side of the counter. He’s silent, just blinking at me. I know my words are harsh, but I have to be.

“Answer me, Jax. You think this will take away our pain? It won’t. It will kill us all.”

He stares at me with bloodshot eyes.“I-It won’t. I’m doing you a favor.”

My hands violently shake. I can’t tear my gaze away from the gun. But, that doubt I just heard in his voice gives me hope.

“No. Jax. If you leave us, you will take me with you.”

Glancing over, I notice the assortment of kitchen knives tucked against the cupboard. With shaky hands, I choose one and grip it firmly, extending my palm towards him.

“Sofia, don’t,” he warns.

As I run the tip across my palm, I feel a sharp sting and brace myself. The physical cut is insignificant compared to the agony I’m sure he is feeling.

I flinch as lightning strikes outside, illuminating the skies.

“This. This is what you will be leaving me with. Complete fucking misery, Jax. Every single day without you will be torture. I can’t do it. I can’t do this without you.”

I remain fixed on him as I swiftly drag the blade from one side to the other. The tremble in his hand intensifies, transforming into a noticeable shake. We lock eyes, it’s working.

So I start another line just below.

“Look at me, Jax. Do you believe me now? I fucking love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. I need you, we all need you. Listen to me. We can get through this. We can get you help. I can show you your life is worth living.”

I’m on the verge of hysteria with my heart pounding in my chest. I saw a flicker of something behind his eyes, I can’t stop.

“Is this what you wanted? To hurt us? You want to kill us all? Fine,” I say as calmly as I can. He needs to believe I am completely certain in my decision as I raise the knife to my own throat.

I don’t care what it takes. I won’t let him leave us. I’ll hurt myself to save him from himself. That is how much I love this man. I need him to understand he is the center of my world.

I owe him this. For missing the signs. I let him down, but that will never happen again.

“If you go, I go.”

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