Page 131 of Chaos

“Sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. What am I trying to do?” I pull my cell out and am disappointed that there aren’t any missed texts from her.

Do I even deserve to have her trying to talk to me? All I do is make her cry.

When I’m near her it’s even worse. Every single piece of me wants to hold her and tell her it will all be okay.

I promised to take care of her, and I broke everything.

“Jesus. Fuck. You missed again.” Nikolai’s hands squeeze the steering wheel hard enough it squeaks in his grip.

“I’m taking you home, Jax. You need to get out of your own head.”

Looking around, all I can see is the crowds on the sidewalk as we drive by. Nothing stands out.

“Who am I getting a picture of? I’m ready? Where is he?”

Nikolai growls and leans away. “He’s gone. He ducked into that casino.” He jabs towards the right.

Shit. That one is run by the Reapers.

Damn.

Why do I keep screwing up? I knew this was important.

“Tonight’s my night with Maeve. Can you do me a huge favor and?—”

“Yes. Just tell me what time you need me to pick you up. My little girl always puts me in a better place. Maybe yours will do the same?” Nikolai glances at me as he turns a corner. He has a sad looking smile on his face when I catch him.

Everyone feels bad for me.

I guess I’m pretty pathetic.

“Thank you.” I feel like a kid.

It takes everything in me to walk up the steps to her house. Not long ago, it was our place. Together.

My knuckles sound hollow on the door, but she opens it immediately.

“Hi.” She chews on her lip when she sees me.

Like every time I see her, my breath catches. She’s so beautiful.

I was the luckiest man alive to have her.

“I’m glad you’re here. I got called in for a staff meeting this evening. Didn’t think it would be a bad thing to leave the house while you and Maeve hung out.” Sofia steps back as I step into the hall.

It’s like she’s afraid to touch me.

Can’t blame her. I’m pretty despicable.

“Are you okay, Jax?” I look up and catch her studying me.

“Sof, I—” I don’t know what to say. “Yeah, I’m good. Thank you.”

At least Maeve doesn’t look as scared of me today. My face isn’t as bruised and discolored as it was last time I was here.

It feels like years. Each day a decade.

“Hey, baby girl. Daddy’s so happy to see you!” Scooping her up, I hug her tightly. Her chubby fingers find the collar of my shirt and clings to it.

---