Page 129 of Chaos

“Sofia? Are you okay?” He’s silhouetted against the hall light, and his arms are empty.

Have I been crying all the way to her bedtime?

“No, Jax. I’m not. I hate this,” I sniffle.

I can’t even remember a time when I didn’t have this ache inside of me. It’s like my entire world has crashed and I’m stuck in a loop of reliving this agony over and over.

“Please, Sof. Don’t cry over me.” His shoulders slump against the pale glow. “I’m not worth it.”

“I just, I don’t know what to say, Jax. Seeing you with her, it just hurts.” Falling back against the comforter, fresh tears dampen the soaked blanket. How do I tell him I just want it to go back to the way it was?

Can we pretend it never happened?

He sighs and rests his head against the frame. “I wish I could fix this. I hate it, too.”

Wanting a hug from him, to feel comforted and safe, is all I can think about.

But, I can’t. He took that choice away from me.

“Are you, um. Fuck, I don’t even know how to ask.” Burying my face in my palms, I struggle to regroup what I was going to say.

“Sof… you can ask me anything,” he says softly. He sounds just as broken as I am.

“Are you still, um, with her?” I choke out.

“What? Fuck no. I don’t even know who she is. I swear.” His fist taps against his thigh, almost like he’s beating himself up. “I messed this all up for nothing. I’m sorry.”

When he grabs the door and pulls it around, I want to scream at him to come back. To hold me. To tell me this is all some nasty prank that will be over.

Why can’t it be a joke? Fake?

So we can go back to how we were?

The air changes as he leaves. My phone dings with the motion detection, but I don’t check it.

I know he’s gone.

SIXTY-TWO

JAX

Song, NUMB, Ryan Oakes

“Where the fuck is this man? He’s a ghost and I want him found. Yesterday.” Mikhail’s thick finger stabs the photograph that he holds so everyone can see. “His last known location was on the north side of Vegas three days ago. Why is my intel more than seventy-two hours old?” He crumples the paper and throws it across the room.

A few days ago, I would have been upset and ready to go on the hunt.

But, that was before my world shattered.

All I can see is Sofia’s tear-stained face over and over in my mind.

My injuries are healing, but not my heart.

“Jax! Did you hear a word I said?” Mikhail’s deep voice cuts through gruffly.

“Huh? No boss, I’m sorry,” I stammer.

Alexei elbows me in the shoulder and points at his own eyeballs before gesturing his fingers towards Mikhail.

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