Page 110 of Chaos

I’m never going to live this one down. “I have an injury, that’s all I’m telling you.”

I hear Alexei’s cackle. “Does that mean you’ve taken that clicking machine out?” Nikolai chuckles.

“Only for the day.”

“That must have been a good feast,” Alexei yells through the speaker.

I shake my head, cutting the call.

“I’ve gotta go out for a bit. I shouldn’t be long,” I tell Sofia, whose laughter has died down. Concern is written across her face.

I pull her into an embrace and inhale her sweet strawberry scent. As she leans back, studying me, I frame her face with my hands. “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

I almost say it, I’m so close. But what if that ruins everything?

She nods and kisses me.

Just like that, my problems seem to melt away. My mind stops spinning. I’m back where I belong. With her.

“Give Maeve a kiss from me. I’ll try to be back by bedtime.”

“I will, Jax. Be careful, okay?”

“You got it, boss.”

I’m so close to telling her how I feel. But, I don’t, not yet.

FIFTY-THREE

SOFIA

Song, I Found, Amber Run.

With Maeve down for her morning nap, I head downstairs. The last couple of days, Jax hasn’t been himself. It’s like something is eating away at him, even if he tries to hide it behind his jokes.

Stopping by the door, I lean on the frame quietly, watching him knock back a hefty measure of scotch and slam it back on the counter. He’s tense, gripping onto the kitchen counter with his head down.

It hurts me seeing him like this.

I pad over to him. As I reach him, he flinches slightly when I run my hand softly up his side. I hear him take a deep breath before turning to me.

His bloodshot eyes bore into mine, making me swallow.

“Jax, baby. What’s going on?” I ask softly and cup his jaw.

“I’ll be fine, sweetheart.” He leans into my touch, offering me a sad smile.

I get it. Some things hurt to talk about. But I don’t want him to bottle it up and let it fester inside. I let a few moments of silence pass, gently stroking his beard with my thumb.

“It would have been Kai’s birthday today,” he says quietly.

Grief is something I know well. After losing my parents, I was empty for so long, completely on my own in my pain. I was lucky in some ways. Training in my field of psychology, I found ways to cope. Not everyone has that. Especially men. It’s not manly to cry.

“I’m sorry, Jax.” I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, feeling him rest his chin on my shoulder.

“I’ll be okay in a minute. We’ve got enough going on today to keep me distracted.”

I pull back, lacing my fingers through his.

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