Page 30 of Alarm Fatigue

By now we are in the garage stairwell and I stop to make eye contact with him. His wavy hair is messy from the busy night and has fallen forward into his eyes. I stop myself from brushing it back with my fingers by tightly grasping both my hands onto my bag strap.

“I understand, and of course you have to go.” Then I grin at him. “However, I would not call that first argument in the coffee shop a date.” He stops looking concerned and smiles at me.

“Can I kiss you?” Still smiling, I start walking again into the lot. We are late and most of the staff have already arrived. In other words, we seem to be alone.

I quickly spot his car and stop and turn to face him by the driver’s door.

“If I said that I wanted you to kiss me, would you be shocked?”

Unlocking his car, he takes his bag and throws it into the back seat. As he reaches forward in front of me, his scent drifts over to me and I have to coach myself back into the art of normal blinking by intentionally closing and opening my eyes. Why does his every move make me swoon?

I feel his direct gaze before I see it, and I look right back into his gorgeous brown eyes.

“Listen, Rachel, there are some things I need to say to you, if I may be direct?”

“Yes, please be direct.”

“First of all, I think I have been making assumptions about what you want and what you need from me, and the truth is we have never really talked about whatever is going on between us. I want you to know, I want to be here for you—whatever you need—whether it is time to think things through or a commitment from me, formal or informal.”

Holy Moses, what does he think of when he says formal commitment, because I know what I hear. He pauses and starts to reach out to put his hand on my arm, but he stops and drops his hand.

“I do not want to scare you off but at the same time, I need to honestly say that if you are interested in pursuing a relationship with me, well, I do not want to go through another period of not speaking again, if at all possible.”

“About that…what happened anyway?” I had been so quick to decide he was not interested in me that it never occurred to me that he might be going through something as well.

“I was afraid that I offended you that night at the party. I mean I put my hands on you and you and I kissed you and…I thought you would be so angry after your whiskey wore off.”

Smiling at him seems natural, because he seems almost nervous and I want him to be at ease.

“First of all, I was not offended. I actually really enjoyed all of that. The hands and the kissing.” I look for him to be disappointed in me, but I do not see it, so I carry on with my scarlet blush in full force.

“But when you didn’t call, and after I saw your cousin, let’s just say I definitely had a taste of how badly you could hurt me.” I can feel my face sober at the memory of it and at that he winces.

He regards me for a moment and then, putting his index finger under my chin, his eyes are boring into mine. “I never meant for you to be hurt in that way. And I am glad to hear you were not offended. So when you tell me that you enjoyed it—does that mean that you might not mind if I did it again, or was this a one off?”

I can see in his demeanor that he already knows the answer and so I simply nod my head but then I remember, miscommunication nearly separated us and so I say the words.

“It was not a one off.”

“In that case, Rachel, I will warn you that I have been living with a significant amount of anticipation, and I am only human. What I am trying to say is, I cannot guarantee how much self-control you can expect from me, but I want to do my best, be my best, for you.” As he is saying this he takes my things out of my hands and puts them down next to his, in his back seat, his eyes never leaving mine. He pulls my waist towards him with one hand on the small of my back, oh my, and the other hand comes to be at the back of my neck.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes” More than okay.

“I am going to kiss you now but I know we need to talk more, okay?”

“Talk more. I mean yes, kiss me. Please.” My words have trailed into a whisper but he apparently hears my meaning as he is moving closer to me.

He brings his face towards mine and, still not moving his eyes away, he closes the distance with his lips just as his eyelids flutter closed. My breath pauses for a moment and the kiss is toe-curling—again—it is actually a thing happening to my toes—right in this moment. Within a few seconds, the kiss starts to become more intense, with his hand tangling a bit in my hair, I bring my hands to his chest to, regrettably, push back a bit from him and effectively halt the moment.

“Mark, we better get out of this garage.” I manage to whisper. “Not that I am suggesting we go beyond this—just everyone we work with could walk through here at any time. We need to talk more before I can decide how much I care about that.”

“Point taken.” With that, he takes a step back from me and I already miss his closeness.

Without even discussing it, we both get into his car.

“Are you okay?”

---