Page 21 of Alarm Fatigue

Amalie: Whats up?

Amalie: not fair you send

me a text like this and now

I get nothing

Amalie: WAKE UP!!!!!

Amalie: What happened????

Tell me r your kids okay?

Amalie: RACHEL?!?

Amalie: You are still asleep

aren’t u…Ugh. U suck.

Text me when u get up

Yikes! I was so desperate to reach out to her I did not think about how she would worry while I was comfortably asleep. I say a brief prayer for the morning and then reply.

Me: Sorry. I was asleep

kids are fine - its boy trouble

Amalie: is that all. what happened

Me: Mark. We kissed

He said it was ‘years

in the making’

Amalie: Ah. Meet for coffee in 1 hour?

Me: Yes please. Sorry if I worried you

Amalie: As long as u dish all the

details u are forgiven

Me: KK. Sorry.

Trying to get it together, I feed the cats, quickly dress and brush my teeth. I am about to go back to the kitchen for more tea when it occurs to me that I had makeup on last night and I did not really catch a look at my face in the mirror yet today. Heading back to the bathroom I take a look and find that my face looks insane. The down-side of makeup is definitely the morning after. These days I know exactly where the makeup remover is and I proceed to clean myself up. I do some stretches in lieu of actual exercise and spend the rest of my time drinking a mug of strong tea and forcing myself to finish a bottle of water while I go through my morning prayer routine.

Hannah has used this word lately about being (or is it feeling?) shook when something throws her off. I muse that I did not really understand the term until today. Shook is the most accurate description for how I feel since last night when I saw Mark and everything that happened after. I am surprised I do not have a hangover after all of that, even though I only had one drink, because despite the lack of alcohol, last night felt intoxicating.

The familiar bell chimes over my head when I walk into the very same coffee shop where Mark and I had that first “date.” The scene of the original crime, as it were. After heading to the register to order a red eye for myself and a latte for Ami, I grab a booth for us. Just then, Ami walks in and makes a beeline for me just after they call out our drink orders. I grab a handful of sweetener packets, stirrers and our drinks before I head back to our table. Throwing myself into the booth across from her, I sigh with relief.

I sweeten my drink and then clear my throat. She is looking at me expectantly and I start fidgeting with my discarded sweetener wrappers. I am not sure where to begin. As I drove here it occurred to me that what transpired last night may have started long before the moment when he and I locked eyes.

“So last night was the bon voyage for Mike and Carrie, you know?”

“You mentioned it.”

“I had my usual strategy in place for getting in and out of there and I had just had one sip of my drink, or maybe two, when Mark and I made eye contact. I was set on one course of action but all of the sudden, I just went to him.”

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