Page 17 of Alarm Fatigue

“He was the worst.” But at this statement, I laugh a little bit because it is rather comedic and so Gavi smiles in return, looking less worried. “He was too much of a drinker for me, first and foremost. But also he was just…I don’t want to slander the man. He is not here to defend himself and maybe he was having an off night but he gave me the impression that he does not appreciate the value of women. I would not be surprised if there is a story there but I am not sure if that story would justify his behavior.”

With that declaration, she starts to look concerned again and I wave my hand in dismissal. “No, nothing like that. He did not touch me inappropriately or anything. He just was a selfish ass.”

At that she seems satisfied. She places Yonah on her shoulder to burp him, rocking him back and forth.

“So, how was it with Mark at work?” So much for avoiding this topic.

“Well, it was awkward. I’m not going to lie. Of course, part of that is, for some weird reason, now that we’ve had this coffee date, I find him attractive, even though he’s the same Dr. PITA that has irked me for all of these years. It makes me think of little girls braids being pulled on the school playground.”

“And are you the little girl in this situation, or is he?”

“I’m actually not sure to be honest. I have found this whole situation with Mark to be the most disruptive component in all of this trying to date business.” I pause here, considering whether to tell her more. I sigh. “Please, don’t tell the others, I do not want them to feel badly, but I ended up switching almost all of my shifts so that he will not be my attending. The truth is, I never liked working with him because he is always so tough on me.”

“But you do find him attractive, did I hear that correctly? Maybe that is reason enough not to work together.”

“I worked with your father with no issues whatsoever and believe me, I found him incredibly attractive.” At this Gavi does blush and smile. “Gavi, Mark is very good-looking but that is only part of the problem I am having with this. Work was an area in my life where I had so much emotional control and now it feels that my safe space there has been threatened. Anyway, as I said to Amalie, it doesn’t matter what I think of him because he cannot stand me, so whatever I feel about him, it is irrelevant anyway. He has made it crystal clear since the day I met him, that he does not care for me one bit.”

At this Gavi stands, Yonah still in her arms. “Well, I am not going to say I am sorry we shook up your life, Eema, because you needed a bit of that. I am kind of sorry you feel uncomfortable at work but I am so happy you are out of your stagnation phase. And look at you—you’re going sailing again.” She beams at me. I blow her and Yonah kisses and head back to bed myself, leaving my book behind.

Chapter 14

Early on Sunday morning, as I pull my car into the parking area of the Sandy River Sailing Club, I instantly break into a smile at the crunching of the gravel under the wheels of my car. That gravel and oyster shell mix makes a specific noise when a vehicle drives over it that is truly the reverberating sound of the happier parts of my childhood. When I was young, and my father was doing well, he loved to have a sailboat and enjoyed a weekend out on the water with friends. There were always wild parties at bars, usually with live music, and I would have my hiding places at these events. What I truly loved about it was being out on the water, sitting with my feet over the bow of the boat as it cut through the bay. There was something about being there that stilled me in a way that nothing else ever has.

After I find a shady spot to park, I grab my tote bag from the back seat, and set a bucket hat on my head. Pushing my sunglasses up on the bridge of my nose, I rise to my tiptoes to search of Seth or his Audi. Despite the hour there are several people milling about, and so I try to search for his auburn hair. While I am looking around the parking lot, I hear the nearby musical clinking sounds of multiple halyards tapping on their masts. Closing my eyes I take a moment of bliss to enjoy the sound. I am still grinning like a fool when Seth pulls into the spot across from mine.

We make eye contact through the windshield of his car. Should you tell him your exhibition of happiness is for the sounds of the halyards that represent the rare moments of good in your messy childhood? Because your smile is not really for Seth, you know.

“Oh, shut up.” I mutter to myself, and force the joy evident on my face to expand to the point of nearly baring my teeth.

Walking several steps towards his car door, I keep my hands carefully neutral by my sides.

“Hello there.” I manage once his door is open. “Do you need a hand with anything?”

He peeks his head out into the sun and, despite his ball cap and sunglasses, in this light his freckles appear nearly infinite in number compared to what was visible at the restaurant. He stands and subsequently is now looking down at me.

“Hi yourself. I actually put everything on the boat earlier, I just realized I had to run out and buy some ice for the cooler.”

“I could have stopped for you. I actually just arrived myself.” I pause to chew the inside of my right lower lip. “Also, if I forget to say so later, sailing is one of my most favorite things in the whole world and thank you so much for taking me out on your boat today.”

“You are most welcome. And it is totally fine, this is my home away from home so I know where the stores that carry ice are. Follow me.” With that Seth grabs the large bag of ice from the trunk of his car and I watch as the muscles of both of his arms are on now on better display.

We head down the dock to his slip.

“Wow, Seth. What a beautiful boat. Is this a Cheoy Lee? We had one, years ago. Meaning my parents did.” The deck is a beautiful natural stained teak with a white hull. Ours had been smaller and the hull was a black, but otherwise it is really similar.

“It is indeed.” He looks impressed that I know boats this well, which I try not to read as condescending. Stop sabotaging, I think.

I help cast off the lines as Seth starts the engine and begins to back us out of the slip. Slowly, we get underway, heading out of the harbor. Once we are out of the harbor, we raise the main sail, and I thank God for the warmth in my heart in this moment. The breeze is perfect for taking a boat out and I am bursting with excitement.

I turn to Seth, “With your permission, Captain, I am going down below to slather on more sunscreen and grab a drink. Do you need anything?”

From his stance at the helm, Seth smiles at me. “I would not say no to a bottle of water, thank you. You’ll find water and seltzer as well as some sodas in the ice box.”

“Thank you.”

When I return from below I hand him his water, “I forgot how at home I feel on a boat. How long have you had this one?” I ask, looking around and admiring the meticulous care with which he keeps his yacht.

“She is old but I have only had her the last five years. I am fortunate I get to take her out regularly. Of course the rest of the time, I am doing repairs, scraping barnacles or working to pay the insurance.”

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