Page 2 of James

This song is the worst so far, because it makes me think of her. It makes my stomach clench, my heart beat faster. I walk over to Layla’s dreaded hot pink iPod and glance at the song title. ‘What If’ by Babyface.

Fucking hell, it’s like my own personal thoughts about Sasha put into a soppy love song. The lyrics keep getting worse as the song goes on. When the lines about not being able to move on are sung I get up and walk out of the room. What if?

What if, indeed.

What if I still had Sasha?

What if I were still happy?

What if I didn’t fucking miss her every day?

What if I didn’t let my job push away the woman I love?

I curse and pick up my phone, dialing the number. “Tatiana, I’m coming over.”

***

I knock on Tatiana’s door, and wait for her to open it. I met her about a year ago at work. She's a stunner. Chin length blonde hair, expressive blue eyes, and a figure that’s lithe and strong, yet curvy in all the right places. Over the last two months, we’ve been working together and gotten pretty close. One night after work we went out for drinks and ended up in bed. She’s been hinting at wanting for us to get serious, committed, but I don’t think I’m ready for that, and I know why.

Sasha. Layla is always bringing her up, talking about her, so it makes it even harder to move on. About a month after Nikki’s wedding, Sasha took off around the globe somewhere. Scotland, I think. I once had a lot of missed calls from an international number, which must have been her. I was working, so I was unreachable at that time. Layla and Nikki both told me Sasha was trying to get in touch with me, but I didn’t call her back. The reason for this was simple. I was trying to get over her. Layla once let it slip that she saw a picture of Sasha with someone called Jye, and that Jye was ‘so gorgeous.’ I hope I never have to meet this Jye character. I want Sasha happy, but I don’t think I could ever bare to actually see her with another man.

The door opens and Tatiana smiles when she sees me. She's wearing a pair of jeans and a plain cotton white shirt. She looks adorable. Tatiana is a nice girl, she fits into my life. Right?

So, why can’t I get over Sasha?

***

Sasha

Jye is now sixteen months old, and he’s brought so much joy into my life. This wasn’t the turn I expected my life to take, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

“Mama!” he calls out as he slips down the slide. I clap at him, cheering him on as he plays at the playground. Jye Crawford has my dark hair, but his father’s pale blue eyes. Jye is the result of a drunken night James and I spent together after Nikki and Kade’s wedding.

After ignoring each other for the sober part of the wedding, or staring at each other in disdain, what happened after the reception turned into a whole other story. The entire night was a disaster, but I'd never change it. I love and adore Jye way too much, and I'm so thankful to have him. After our night together, I stormed out of the hotel room, and I haven’t seen James since.

James doesn’t exactly know about Jye. When I was four months pregnant and found out the sex of the baby, I tried to call James to tell him he was going to have a son. I called, but James didn’t answer his phone. I kept trying to get ahold of him for two weeks. Once, a woman picked up and said James was ‘busy’.

I bet he was busy. I guess he just didn’t want to hear from me. I left messages with both Layla and Nikki telling them to have James contact me, but he never did. After that, I stopped trying. I still question my decision every day; did I make the right choice? It’s not Jye’s fault James cheated on me. Jye deserves to know who his father is. I know I’m being selfish by keeping him from James.

Would James want Jye in his life, though? If he didn’t, I don’t think I could handle it. Screwing me over is one thing, but if James didn’t want Jye I'd be heartbroken. He'd mentioned that he liked and wanted children back when we were together, but the circumstances are extremely different now.

He’s different now.

After I slept with James, I took off on a holiday just a few weeks later. I was in Scotland visiting family when I found out I was pregnant, so I decided to stay for the duration of my pregnancy and to give birth here. To say my family back home wasn't thrilled is definitely an understatement.

Trey Crawford is my cousin and an awesome guy. I’d only met him a few times growing up, but he's been so supportive. He lives alone and owns a pub right down the road from his house. He’s refused to take any money from me, so I try to buy food and contribute to the household in any way that I can. Luckily, I have a decent sized savings account, so I didn’t have to worry about working during my pregnancy, but when Jye was about six months old I started working some shifts at Trey’s pub.

Trey watches Jye when I’m at work, and we’ve both made it work for us. If both of us have to work, Trey’s mother watches Jye. We get along really well. She’s a very kind and gentle woman, I can tell how Trey became such a wonderful man.

It’s been two years now, and I think it’s time for me to go home. Jye is happy and healthy, and it saddens me he hasn’t met his grandparents or any of his other family. I’m trying to get Trey to come for a visit, too, but he's still undecided. With his own business to run, it’s not always easy for him to get away.

Jye runs up to me and hugs my leg. Anyone who takes a look at him will know instantly that he’s James’ son. Besides his dark hair, he's the spitting image of his father. I can’t hide out here forever.

It’s time for Jye and me to go home.

***

“You don’t have to go, Sash!” Trey tells me for what must be the hundredth time since I told him about my plans. I feel bad leaving Trey, I know he’s grown extremely fond of Jye, and now I’m taking him away.

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