Page 44 of King of Players

“I try. It’s just that my mind draws a blank the minute I pick up the pen.”

“Blank? Or thoughts you refuse to acknowledge?”

I gave him a bitter smile. “Marvin, you know me too well. If you weren’t a hundred years old and married to an angel, I would’ve proposed to you and gotten it over with.”

His hearty laugh echoed through the vast office space, resonating back to me, summoning a smile from deep within. “Although I’m deeply flattered, it’s alarming that you think marriage is something to be over with. It’s the beginning of a long, hard road.”

“Think about it: what’s better than marrying your therapist? They’re the one person in the world who makes you feel good about yourself.”

“Philosophically speaking, sure. But what will you bring to the table?”

“All those great qualities you’re so desperate to make me believe I possess?” I challenged him.

“What do you believe?”

“Honestly? I feel pathetic. For the first time in my life, I can’t seem to get over a man I barely had a relationship with. I miss him the way I’d missed a long-time boyfriend. How’s that for desperate?”

“Personally, I don’t think you’re desperate. Granted, I don’t know this Chad, but clearly, something clicked beyond the sex. Something deeper and more profound.”

“Please, don’t go all spiritual on me now.” I dropped my hands in my lap, feeling sick to my stomach.

“What’s wrong with humoring that thought? Isn’t that the essence of what we do here? Pick a possible analysis and scrutinize the hell out of it until it either makes sense or not?”

“And a connection of the souls is the title of today’s episode?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Because all I know is that he admitted he didn’t care about me. He found me attractive. He wanted to add me to his little red book. Sure, he even threw in some compliments about how good and generous I am. But did he say he cared? No. Did he refer to that connection you’re implying? Absolutely not. He apologized to get me out of his house. And because he’s a trained professional, God, did that speech work.”

“Kaira, you can’t possibly be telling me that you’re seeing things with no dimensions or depths at all. I refuse to believe it. Have you ever thought that perhaps he was genuinely embarrassed? I mean, not only did you catch him at a bad time… but from what you told me, your honesty was brutal.”

“Not for someone like him.”

“Not for the impression you have of him. There’s a big difference.”

“Meaning?”

“I’m only flirting with the idea that he might have actually had feelings for you, if that narrative was to be seriously considered. The woman you care about walks in, late at night, livid, forcing you to sober up and apologize. Don’t you think he might have felt cornered?”

“No corner is immune to the truth. If he’d said something different—”

“To what end? You had already told him that you don’t see it working. That you can’t accept his lifestyle or the way people handle his private matters. Isn’t it so?”

Looking away, I nodded and said nothing.

As if to sprinkle salt on an open wound, Marvin asked, “Are you having second thoughts?”

“About him? No.”

“You did say you miss him.”

Narrowing my eyes, I tilted my head. “But do I really miss him? Or the way I felt when I was with him?”

“Let’s explore that. How did you feel? And is that in the context of sex, or in general?”

“Oh.” I straightened my back, sitting up a little. “Well… In general, for some reason, he was beginning to strike me as someone who had depth—far more than what I thought an actor like him would.”

“Hm.”

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