Page 51 of All Because I Found You

He plopped on the couch next to George. The damn stuffed bear had become a permanent fixture in his living room. He had no use for the stupid thing, but now that it’d been here for so long, he couldn’t imagine giving it away. He kicked his feet up on the coffee table and turned the TV on.

He flipped through the channels, searching for anything to occupy his mind, but his mind was already occupied. It was occupied by thoughts of Raelyn. Maybe he could call Gene and see what he was up to. Maybe he’d be up for stopping by for a beer. He hadn’t been stopping by as much as he used to. He probably knew if he did, Raelyn would be here. He wondered if that bothered Gene or if he was happy Ryder finally had someone else to help keep him company.

He never thought about that. Did Gene want to spend his nights on his porch, drinking a beer and talking about not much at all? Or had he felt an obligation to do so? Ryder could call him and ask. Invite him over for the beer and actually have a real conversation that included more than a few yeahs and nods.

Ryder picked up his phone when Raelyn’s name flashed on the screen. He answered. “Hey, everything okay?” The wedding was just starting.

“Yes and no. Somehow, in all the craziness, I don’t have a corkscrew. I have a million bottles of wine, and no way to get them open. Is there any way you can run one up here? I wouldn’t ask, but you’re the closest and the guests should be arriving any minute.”

He scratched his head. “Um yeah. Sure.”

“Oh! Crap. Guests are arriving. Got to go. And thank you!”

Ryder grabbed the corkscrew from his kitchen drawer and got into his truck. It was a short drive to the barn, and when he got there, his heart stopped, hands froze and every part of him was telling him to flee. Cars lined the driveway, waiting to pull into the parking area Raelyn had roped off. People walked toward the barn dressed in suits and dresses. So. Many. People.

Maybe if he parked on the street that ran along the back of the barn, he could sneak around to Raelyn without having to bump into anyone. He glanced at his t-shirt and gym shorts. He wasn’t dressed to be amongst these people, anyway, so it would make sense to stay hidden.

Except when he drove around back, there were people congregating in small groups beyond the cornfield. There were people everywhere. He put the truck in park, and his heart slammed against his chest in a manic cadence. “Stop being an idiot,” he said to himself, his voice echoing in the silent truck.

He reached for the door handle, but his fingers curled in on themselves. He tried again, but in every attempt, he failed. His body fought a losing battle with his mind.

Maybe Raelyn could come to him… No. She asked him to bring a corkscrew and damn it, he wasn’t going to let her down over something so small and trivial. He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and shoved the door open. He dropped one foot to the ground and then the other.

“You can do this.” They were just words, though. The invisible force that held him in the truck followed him outside its doors, and Ryder fought for each step.

Voices carried over the field, and he swallowed at the thought of someone recognizing him. He’d spent the last eleven years purposely avoiding situations just like this. He didn’t want to see the pity in people’s eyes, especially knowing they were aware he was the one behind the wheel that tragic night. He didn’t want to hear their condolences and pleasantries or have them ask where he’s been all this time. He didn’t want to admit that he’d been there all along, hiding in an old house, afraid of the world and the community of people he once was very much a part of.

He heard a loud, boisterous laugh, and his entire body froze. He knew that laugh. It hadn’t changed in eleven years. It still cut through the air and carried. Grady McConnell had been a good friend to his parents and was now the mayor of their small town. Grady had reached out to him after the accident, but Ryder never returned his calls. The last thing he wanted was to explain to a man who tried to be there for him why he refused his attempts.

He paced back and forth, hiding amongst the row of cornstalks that barely separated him from the crowd.

If all these people were already here, they’d want a drink. Many probably drank wine and without a corkscrew, Raelyn would have no way to serve them. All her hard work and dedication to pull this wedding together after the hurricane had destroyed the original venue would be for nothing. Over a damn corkscrew.

He couldn’t do that to her. With renewed determination, he stepped around the cornstalks and hurried toward the barn before his mind could stop him.

He was almost there. He could see the smiles on the people’s faces, smell the fresh-cut flowers that dotted the area, hear distinct conversations.

“This barn is beautiful,” a woman said. “Never thought much about it when I drove by. Only Raelyn would think to convert it into this gorgeous venue.”

“I wonder who owns it now.” This time a man. “It used to be the Douglas’s before they died.”

Ryder’s determined steps wavered. Every ounce of determination fled at the man’s words.

“The son survived. Maybe he inherited the property.”

“He went MIA after the accident. No one has seen him since. I doubt he kept anything. Probably sold it all and is living the good life off the money.”

“Actually, now that I think about it. I think Gene owns everything now. Maybe he owns this, too.”

Every part of him wanted to confront the asshole and tell him to shut the fuck up. He had no idea. No fucking clue what it was like to be left behind. No, he didn’t sell everything and take off. Despite what he’s led people to believe, he never would have done that. He couldn’t sell off his family legacy. Not even to Gene.

But roots might as well have grown out of his feet and anchored him into the ground. Ryder couldn’t move, no matter how much he wanted to. The shame of that night held him back. If this guy thought Ryder was capable of selling and moving on, would he blame him for the accident, too?

He didn’t want to find out. The warm metal of the corkscrew rubbed against his hand, and he glanced at it. Raelyn needed him. All he had to do was walk a few more feet, hand her the damn corkscrew, and be gone. Simple.

But nothing was ever simple. He spun around and headed to his truck. Anger and frustration flowed through his veins. Disappointment in himself, in his ability to get over the past and be there for Raelyn when she needed him, consumed him.

He yanked the truck door open and slammed it shut. The crack of metal on metal reverberated through the cab, shaking the suspension. All his emotions careened together, and he chucked the corkscrew at the floor and slammed his hands against the steering wheel.

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