Page 39 of Duty Bound

“He said you’re one of the most honest men he’s ever met.” She hesitated, and he felt her adjust her position, wriggling her behind into his crotch.

Don’t do that.

Please, don’t do that.

“Even with women.”

That made him pause. “What did he mean, with women?”

It was news to him that Joe had spoken to Lily about him. It wasn’t like they knew each other. Then again, he and Joe were best buddies, so of course Joe would talk about him and the unit when he was at home. With her.

Suddenly, Blade envied Joe for what he’d had.

Lily. To himself. Every night.

Then he remembered the nightmares. What she’d said about Joe trying to strangle her. He grew angry. Joe should have said something, dammit. If he was suffering from PTSD, he should never have been on that mission with them. If he hadn’t, he might still be alive.

Tension radiated through his body, and he had to force himself to calm down. He focused on Lily’s newfound warmth, her softness, the swell of her breast that he could just feel underneath his arm.

Now he was hot in a different way.

Maybe it was time to move. Get the hell out of this sleeping bag. Get away from her.

“He said you might have a different woman every time you’re on leave, but you never lied to them.”

“I didn’t.” And he hadn’t had a different woman every time he was on leave. There were a handful he’d had fun with who understood how he operated. No complications. No strings.

“I couldn’t afford to be distracted.” He tried to explain, hoping she’d understand. Hoping she wouldn’t think he was a womanizing prick. “A serious relationship would have been a distraction.”

“Joe had me.” Her voice was a whisper.

“And you were the last thing he thought about when he died.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

Blade ground his jaw. “No, but I didn’t want to worry about leaving someone I loved behind, or wondering what they were doing when I wasn’t around. I didn’t want to think about them when I went into battle.”

He wasn't doing a very good job of explaining this.

“Clarity of thought is everything on a mission, like when you’re operating behind enemy lines. You can’t afford any lapses in judgment. One mistake and that’s it. You’re dead, and so is your team.” He ground his teeth, feeling on edge.

Ironic how that’s exactly what had happened.

One mistake.

His.

Not a girl, though.

“I get it,” she said softly.

He didn’t respond, letting the waves of regret wash over him. Joe, Blaster. Stitch.

Lily’s voice cut through his lamenting. “Didn’t you get lonely?”

“No.” Not then.

“What about now?”

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