Page 17 of Duty Bound

Lily’s face was blank. He had no idea what she was thinking.

“Stitch provided cover fire while I went to help Spade, but he took another round in the chest. I couldn’t save him.” His voice turned into a groan, and he exhaled slowly through pursed lips. It still hurt so goddamn much.

His shrink said he should talk about it, but he wasn’t sure that helped. All that did was make him relive the nightmare again… and again. He preferred to keep the memory buried, like some bittersweet home movie stuffed into the bottom of a drawer, to be viewed and cried over only when extremely drunk.

“What about Stitch?”

He raised an eyebrow. She knew the names of Spade’s fallen colleagues, but not his? Maybe she would have remembered if he’d also died on the mountain pass like he should have.

“Stitch couldn’t cope with what happened. He went AWOL later that day. As far as I know, he’s still in the wind.”

“You were the only one who came home.” She made it sound like an accusation.

He didn’t blame her. For months he’d thought the same thing. How had he made it out in one piece? Had it been blind luck? Or was God tormenting him by making him live with the guilt for evermore? Was that his punishment?

“Yeah, I made it to a later rendezvous point and got on a chopper out of there.”

“What about their bodies?” Her voice cracked. Her eyes glimmered with tears.

The urge to put his arms around her and weep with her was strong, but he got the feeling she wouldn’t appreciate that. “They were retrieved later that day, when it was safe to return to the region.” When the Afghan army, assisted by an airstrike by 101st Airborne Division, had taken out as many of the Taliban fighters as they could. The rest had disappeared back into their tunnels to fight another day.

Lily cleared her throat. “You brought him home?”

Them. He’d brought them home.

Blade nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Then he’d buried them.

A thought struck him. “I don’t remember seeing you at the funeral.”

“I couldn’t do it.” Her voice was heavy with emotion. “I couldn’t go. I paid my respects privately.”

He packed the water back in his belt holder. “It’s none of my business. You don’t need to explain.”

They started walking again. Despite her exhaustion, she fell into step beside him. “A few days before… before he died, the Agency offered me a position in Kabul. I took it because I thought it was a way to be closer to Joe, and it was a chance to do something to help end the opium wars in Helmand Province.” A bitter laugh escaped her. “I was so naive.”

Blade didn’t reply. They all were, to a certain degree. Naive to think they could have made a difference.

“I know it’s not the same as being out there fighting, but it was better than sitting at home worrying.”

He could only imagine what that felt like. He’d much rather be in the warzone than at home worrying whether a loved one would come back alive. It was one of the reasons he’d stayed single. No accountability. No one to leave without a boyfriend or a husband. No kids to leave without a daddy.

“Besides,” Lily continued, “if the Afghan government could use it to restore peace in that region, I would have accomplished something.”

“Can’t argue with you there.”

She trudged along beside him, her words heavy as her footfalls. “After it happened, I decided to take the job anyway. It was… easier than being alone. I needed to get away from the memories. Everything at home reminded me of him.”

Blade could understand that. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, keeping an eye on the hillside. “It was my fault we got ambushed. I didn’t vet the guide thoroughly enough. It was my job as team leader to double-check all third parties, and I let them down.”

He felt her gaze on his face but kept walking. If he’d been more careful and had scrutinized Sayed more closely then maybe, just maybe, his friends would still be alive.

They walked some way in silence. Blade forced himself to focus on their immediate surroundings, not back in the past where his mind really wanted to go. It wasn’t good to wallow, his shrink had told him. Best to stay in the present.

“I don’t blame you for what happened,” she said, eventually. “You couldn’t have foreseen that ambush. Pat told me you’d relied on faulty intelligence. That’s not on you.”

He scowled into the darkness. Pat had divulged a lot more than was necessary, but then Lily was the type to demand details. The former SEAL probably hadn’t told her anything she didn’t already know.

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