Page 8 of The Two Halves of My Heart

“Okay. So —” She jumped onto her bed, and I took my usual seat at her desk. “What happened? Any nice teachers?”

“It was fine. Big. So many kids. Too many.”

“It’s the first day.”

“Yeah.” I turned to her desk and the windowsill where there were a few of the dragons we’d made from modelling clay or other craft bits and pieces. They weren’t the same figurines that I collected, but in a way, these were better. We’d made these together, coming up with names and stories for each of them, together. And she got to look at them every day.

Now I was here, things felt awkward.

“I need to get going. Mum’s going to be mad I left before dinner.”

“Don’t get into trouble,” she warned.

“I won’t. Shall I come over after school tomorrow?” I asked, hopeful of getting some part of our life back.

“Erm, I can’t tomorrow. Mum wants me to do netball after school this year.”

I nodded. “Okay. Have a good time.”

Those first few weeks were the hardest. We were all trying to find our way—our new place, and it didn’t come easily. Whereas before we’d spend as much time together as possible, now we had to take the time and find the opportunities. Everything was harder.

Maddison grew more popular, and his other friends invaded our home on more and more occasions. Grace was encouraged to do more things, although I knew she didn’t want to. And being at a different school forced me to make new friends, even if I didn’t feel I wanted them. I was happy with the friends—friend—I already had.

By Christmas, things were more settled, and a new routine had emerged. In some ways, it was better because I got to spend time on Sunday with Grace without Maddison. He’d started playing rugby for a new team, and Mum left me home alone. It was the only time in the week I looked forward to. All the other time, I had to share Grace’s attention, and as I grew older, I knew I didn’t want to share her with anyone. Not even Maddison.

Spring was my favourite time of year because I knew summer would be here soon. The outside beckoned. The winter chill had gone, and the nights were stretching longer, meaning more time to play in the evenings.

“Hey, Oliver. Grace is going to come and watch me in the game at the weekend. Are you coming as well?”

“What?” I shrieked. Sunday was always the time we could do what we want, and that meant I’d see Grace. We were writing a new story about a fantasy world where elves and dragons were at war.

“Yeah, I asked Mum as it’s the final game of the season. Grace said it would be nice to see me play. Will you come, too?”

An unusual edge of nerves could be heard in his voice. He was always the confident one, and nothing seemed to bother him. My little brother was asking me to be his big brother, possibly for the first time. I tapped down the rush of envy that first struck at the mention of Grace and nodded my head. “Sure. Better win, though.”

“Of course.”

The following weekend, we all went to watch Maddison. Rather, I spent most of my time watching Grace, watching Maddison. Her long hair was browner—more like mine—than the sunshine colour it was when we first met. She’d put it in two rows of plaits to keep it out of the way, but I liked it better when it was loose and flying around as we ran outside or rode our bikes.

The team played well, and Maddison even scored a try. We both jumped about on the sideline with Mum and Dad cheering. I stood up a little taller after that, proud to be his brother. We all enjoyed the day, and it reminded me of how important Grace was to both of us. I knew I had feelings for Grace that were more than just what a friend would have. She was special in a way I’d never felt before, and that wouldn’t just fade away if I didn’t see her every day. I had to trust in the pact we made—the three of us. But I also knew that no matter how much I wanted Grace to myself, she’d always be a part of Maddison’s life as well.

My new-found clarity, or rather, slightly better understanding of our friendship, made my days at school away from Maddison and Grace easier. It opened a part of me up to the idea of us being friends with other people. Because I could have other friends as well, that wouldn’t change who my best friends were.

Lots of people had lots of friends, and it was something I found hard enough to do without shying away from it as well. Plus, it would make my time at school a hell of a lot easier. It would be another year after this one before they joined me, which, right now, seemed like forever to wait.

The start of the summer holidays arrived, and with it, a sense of relief. For the next six weeks, there was nothing to worry about. The tension and awkwardness that had arisen from our first year apart from each other disappeared as if it hadn’t happened.

We fell back into the easy rhythm of being around each other, happy to compromise, play, and just spend time together.

Maddison seemed to lose the ego that he’d been developing towards the end of term, and Grace’s smile returned tenfold. That was the best part.

After the first bike incident, we were always cautious of going riding with Grace, but this time it was her idea. This summer was uncharacteristically hot, and the fields around the house had turned to straw in the baking sun.

We packed a bag each and took off down the lanes. We could ride a lot farther now, and Grace didn’t wobble so much. Maddison led the way, as usual, sticking to narrow lanes that took us between farms and fields.

“Mads, I need a drink,” Grace shouted as she pulled in by a gate. An abandoned caravan sat on the other side of it with a rusty ‘Keep Out’ sign. Maddison came back, and we all rested next to the gate in the partial shade of a huge oak tree. Its big branches reached out far enough to give us some relief from the heat, and I made a plan to come back another day to see if we could climb it. The sun beat down, and the hum of crickets and other bugs kept us company.

“Shhh, did you hear that?” Grace whispered.

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