Page 49 of The Two Halves of My Heart

Chapter 15

Grace 19 Years Old

It would be the first birthday since I’d moved here that I hadn’t celebrated with both Oliver and Maddison. It was our tradition—the three of us doing everything together. Cake, cards and sometimes presents, although the presents weren’t the important thing.

And this year, I had to do it with somebody missing. A pressure seized my chest as it dawned on me how much I missed him. And how much I wished I’d not taken his presence in my life for granted. He’d always been by my side, even when he was away at university. I let out a sad breath.

The long summer stretched before me, but this year, instead of drawing energy and comfort from my favourite time of year, misery hung over me like an autumn cloud. It would be months before I went back to Uni myself, although really, going back didn’t change much, it just gave me a structure to the day.

The Ray’s invited me over to their house for my birthday tea, so I tried to look forward to that rather than the circumstances.

As I walked up to the door, part of me hoped that Oliver would surprise us and turn up as my gift. But as my silly head thought the fairy tale up, I knew it wouldn’t happen. He hadn’t said all those things to me, underlined with words explaining why he had to do this, just to disappear for a few weeks, before coming back.

“Happy Birthday, Grace. Come in, come in.” Vivien answered the door and welcomed me, giving me a quick hug before I headed on through to the kitchen. I’d been here plenty of times before without Oliver, or Maddison, but the house felt empty all of a sudden. Like the life had vanished from the very walls.

“Is Maddison here?”

“Yes, he’s upstairs. You know the way. Dinner will be about ten minutes.”

I smiled and went to find Mads. We hadn’t resumed our regular lunch dates of late, and, despite the river of confusion running between us, I missed him. Now, more than ever.

My knuckles tapped on the door before I turned the handle and announced myself. “Hi,” I said. I scanned the room, and my eyes dropped down to see Mads on the floor, doing press-ups. The exertion tightened the muscles through his shoulders and back after every rep. It was a sight, but I felt weird ogling him behind his back, so I knocked harder to try and get his attention. He still didn’t acknowledge me, and I finally saw why. Ear pods were blocking me out. Not wanting to startle him, I crept farther into the room and took a seat on the bed. He finally caught my movement and stopped, turning his music off and smiling at me.

“Hey, didn’t hear you.” He took a few deep breaths and grabbed a t-shirt that he’d draped over the back of his desk chair.

“Your mum says dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I wanted to catch up before, as we’ve not spoken in a while.” My eyes danced around the room, avoiding his bare skin until he was covered.

“No. I got that impression.” He turned away towards his desk.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He’d been just as bad as me, choosing when to respond to me or not. Plus, I’d not wanted to talk to anyone much since Oliver left.

He turned back to me and levelled me with a stare that warmed every inch of my skin. “Just that you’ve barely answered my texts since the fight. The night I kissed you.”

I looked away, my cheeks flushing at the memory. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shut you out.”

“Oliver talked to you?”

“Yeah. Before he left. What about you?”

“Nope. Guess he assumed you’d fill me in on anything I needed to know.” He looked at me expectantly. He seemed… angry, or at the least, tense about something.

“He just said that he felt it would be better to leave. He’s got a graduate job at a company in London.”

“Anything else?”

I wasn’t about to tell Maddison that he’d kissed me, too. Although when I thought back to that kiss, it felt like a goodbye, not a declaration of something more. Not like the way Maddison had kissed me.

God, I’m an awful person. I was standing in front of one of my best friends, thinking about his kiss compared to his brother’s. This was exactly what I’d been trying to avoid all my life, but it had happened anyway. Like the harder I tried to stop it, the more likely it became. There had been rumours when we were at school about a couple of the girls moving from one boy to the next. They’d always received snide remarks and whispered comments. But they didn’t hide their intentions. Every boy and girl in the school knew their game. What I’d done was so much worse because I knew they both had feelings for me. And I had them in return.

Maybe it would have been better for me to leave rather than Oliver.

I looked back at Maddison and shook my head. “Just that he thought it would be best for everyone if he left now. What did he tell your folks?”

“Same thing, really. Job’s started. Didn’t want to wait. Good for him.”

“Yeah. Shall we go down? I’m starving.” I changed the subject.

“Sure. As long as you let me take you out for a drink after dinner. Call it a birthday gift. Now I’ve got you talking, I don’t want to give you up.”

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