Page 35 of The Two Halves of My Heart

Chapter 11

Grace 17 Years Old

It was getting close to the end of the school year. The sun was a more constant comfort, the light stretching later into the evening, making me long to be out with my friends rather than stuck inside studying.

Maddison was still around. He was the shadow I never wanted to shake—at work and at school. It was just… different between us now. At least, I felt different. The possibility of more between us spoken aloud, even if brushed over, was now out in the open, and it made my gut clench with guilt. Because as soon as I’d pictured a future where I was Maddison’s girlfriend, my heart kicked up a beat as I thought of Oliver and that same heart struck me with pain. It was my personal prison of feelings—inescapable yet also undeniable.

Giving Maddison the silent treatment was such a childish and selfish thing to do. And it was hurting me just as much as it was hurting him. I’d walked up to him a number of times but couldn’t break the ice—the only time in our history that I didn’t know what I wanted to say or what to do.

He’d always been the one to make me feel brave—able to take leaps of faith because I knew, deep down, that he’d always catch me. That was who Maddison was to me.

So why couldn’t I do that now? Just apologise, move on, and hope that we could repair the damage?

It would be my eighteenth birthday in the summer, and I set that as my timeline. I had to make sure everything was back to normal by then, even if normal hurt like hell.

“Sweetie, are you okay?” Mum popped her head around the door to my bedroom, disturbing Bob from his settled position at the crook of my arm.

“Sure.” I dropped my eyes back down to the pages of my book, although I knew there was more to her visit.

“It’s just… you’ve been rather quiet of late. And I wondered if there was anything on your mind? Anything you wanted to clear up?”

“No. I’m fine, thank you.”

I spied her hesitancy at leaving over the edge of my book. “Have you thought any more about driving lessons? You were so keen, but now, you’re not doing anything. Just moving between school and work. You don’t even see the boys anymore.”

“Oliver’s away at Uni, Mum. I can’t pick and choose when I see him.”

“Well, Maddison then. You were getting on fine and now, nothing. I know I must be crazy for saying this, but really, there’s more to life than schoolwork.”

“Mum, please, stop fussing. I have to study if I want the best opportunity of getting into Uni.” I put the fantasy novel down and hoped she didn’t pick up on the fact that half the time I wasn’t even doing my work.

“Well, about that. Have you thought any further about where you want to go?” She perched on the edge of the bed.

I sat up, resigned to the conversation we were now having. “Well, maybe Nottingham or perhaps London. I’m still thinking about it.”

“Not something closer?”

“I don’t know, Mum. We’ve been to visit a few, and I’ve already put in my UCAS application.”

“Just, why don’t you think of somewhere closer to home? There are plenty of opportunities.”

“Mum!”

“Okay, okay. Dinner will be about ten minutes.”

I stroked Bob, wondering how he’d cope when I went but tried not to dwell. That was all I was doing lately, and it got me nowhere fast.

All the talk of the future and moving away reminded me of Oliver.

Hey! You busy?

I fired off the text and hoped he answered quickly.

Nope. What’s up? Everything ok?

Sure. Just thinking about what Uni I want to go to. Mum’s been sneaking in suggestions close to home.

There’s nothing wrong with that. And I speak from experience. But at the end of the day, you need to do what’s right for you.

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